My Love for Oglethorpe University

I want to give a special thank you to Benjamin Williams for suggesting this topic.

Oglethorpe University, my Alma Mater, is something that I have managed to fall in love with over a period of four years.  Just look at this place:

Isn't it beautiful?  Just a forewarning: I'm going to describe my relationship with Oglethorpe a little bit like a relationship with a person.  It will be for effective purposes I suppose.  When I was applying for colleges back in 2005, I only applied to two schools: Roanoke College in Salem, Virginia and Oglethorpe, which is in Atlanta.  Here is what Roanoke looks like:

I went to Roanoke first for a campus visit and really liked what I saw.  I was not disappointed in any aspect.  I suppose the only aspect of the college that I was concerned about was that it was located in an area that didn't seem to have a lot of activity.  I informed my parents that I really liked it, but we still had to go to Oglethorpe.  To be honest, I don't remember my exact first impressions of Oglethorpe.  Perhaps I was entirely mesmerized by the gorgeous gothic-architectured stone buildings and felt some sort of magical vibe by walking around campus.  All I remember was that at the end of the day, I told my dad, "I REALLY like this one."  And so it happened.

Through four years of pain-staking Core classes, major changing, rigorous paper-writing and incredibly intellectual conversations, I fell in love with my university and everything that it had to offer.  Love is complex and uncertain, but I feel that my love for Oglethorpe is rather consistent and certain.  No one can take away my love for this gated and serene college.

Why am I in love with Oglethorpe University?  Call me cheesy, but yes, I am going to list these reasons:

1) THE PEOPLE - I can't even begin to tell you the amount of amazing people that I have met during my time at OU.  Everyone on campus had such interesting backgrounds and the diversity of those there was eye-opening and refreshing.  There was never a dull day.

2) THE FACULTY - I absolutely love the professors at OU.  I'm not quite sure how much the professors there make on average, but you can tell that money is no worry for them.  They have an undying passion for the subjects they specialize in and they care about their students.  They want their students to learn and they want everyone to succeed in their lives.  I really believe that the faculty at OU make the university unique and incomparable to other colleges.

3) CORE - Yes, I am considering Core a reason for loving Oglethorpe.  For all of you non-Oglethorpe people, allow me to explain.  Usually, colleges have certain classes that everyone is required to take.  These classes normally consist of English/Composition 101, Math 101, History 101, etc.  Well, at OU, these were our required classes: Art or Music and Culture, Great Ideas of Modern Mathematics, Narratives of the Self, Human Nature and the Social Order, Historical Perspectives of the Social Order and Human Nature: Biological or Physical Sciences.  Those don't really sound like your typical college-required classes, do they?  They aren't typical.  They are all centered around philosophical ideas based upon those particular subjects.  The names are certainly intimidating, but I now consider myself a paper-writing machine and someone that can easily "read between the lines."

4) LOCATION - One of the main reasons that I chose Oglethorpe was because of the fact that it was located in Atlanta.  Although the campus is quiet and castle-like, you can drive about 10 to 15 minutes down the road and be in the heart of the city.  It's the perfect setting.

Now, Oglethorpe and I have developed quite a strong relationship with each other through four years.  I have professed my love, but I have found that we have been spending a lot of time apart from each other lately.  I guess you could just say that we're giving each other a little space, or rather, a lot of space.

Fact:  I currently live about 10 minutes away from Oglethorpe.  No long distance relationship here, my friends.  After I graduated, it only seemed right to stay away from campus because, quite frankly, it just doesn't feel right.  I love Oglethorpe, but I don't want to be the person that keeps coming back over and over again because I miss it.  I am moving forward with my life and my career.  If I visit OU, it seems as if I don't want to let go.  It's like high school!  You know what I'm talking about, right?  When you were in high school and you saw those that graduated come back for a visit, you thought to yourself, "What are they doing here?"

Granted, when I do visit OU, it is nice to see the people that I haven't seen in a while.  However, I have a theory - if I stay away for a lengthy period of time, when I visit again and see people I haven't seen in a while, the reunion will seem more genuine and there will be more of a shock.  The overall effect will prove more exciting.  If I kept coming back again... and again... and again, well, it's just not as exciting.  And I am a firm believer in the fact that you really appreciate something more when you "lose" it.  If I stay away from OU, I'll appreciate it a little more when I visit.  This theory works in relationships sometimes too.

Now, I'm not going to name any names, but some people are clingy and won't give Oglethorpe any space.  Their relationship is good, but the real world is scary and seems to force people to stick around.  This isn't necessarily bad, but I feel that after a certain point, people should not hang around Oglethorpe. For those that work there, I understand.  Otherwise, just let go.

Anyways, I am proud to be an Oglethorpe alumna.  I love the university from the bottom of my heart, and I can't wait to see what kind of fabulous minds it produces in the years to come.  To commemorate my years there, I would like to share a few personal photos.  Enjoy!

Observations and Self-Discovery

I've been completely honest about my experiences with love and have enjoyed sharing them with you, but what I have failed to tell you all is that I really like to see others in love.  Whether I'm watching a romantic movie or seeing a friend become really giddy after her boyfriend popped the question, I'm in love with watching other people fall in love.

I'm a Pisces, so naturally, I'm an emotional soul and a hopeless romantic.  Yes, I do get a little teary-eyed during sappy movies and I somehow believe that an actual knight in shining armour will whisk me away in the middle of the night.  Sure, I know that that particular situation isn't necessarily feasible, but I'm allowed to be imaginative, right?  As much as my "outlandish" hopes and dreams won't really come true, I can live vicariously through others' extreme happiness with their significant others.  I hope this doesn't sound too creepy.

Trust me, I'm not the type of person that will sit back and watch others' lives progress happily while I do nothing.  I will make my efforts to meet new people and potentially fall in love.  To be honest, it's just that my heart gets a nice, warm feeling inside and my nerves tingle throughout my whole body when I see the complexity and magic of love play out before my very eyes.  Perhaps the feeling of love is contagious.  Well, as I pointed out in my The Seasons of Love blog, maybe it really is.  I suppose the point I'm trying to make with this blog is more of a self-discovery - the discovery that I'm a natural sympathiser with others' feelings.

And it's not just the feeling of love I sympathise with.  If someone is sad, mad, or happy, I will melt into that mood as well.  When I am present in any place, the way I act in that location completely depends on the vibe.  I can usually tell if something is wrong or just off.

Aside from the point of my strong intuition, I truly believe that love has such an interesting effect on people.  It makes you cry, laugh, become furious...  One scary thing about love is this: you (as in your physical self) cannot choose who you like.  Therefore, you cannot choose who you fall in love with.  It just...happens.  Love is uncontrollable and seemingly all-knowing.

Love is the one aspect of our lives that makes life seem so difficult.

Facebook Kills - How Social Networking Obliterates Relationships and Love

Facebook has emerged into an unavoidable phenomenon within a matter of only six years.  Imagine taking control of the world at six years old.  It's something remarkable, yet also scary.  Tell me this: how can something as young as Facebook completely obliterate love, one of the most timeless and complex aspects of not only our lives, but of the time that this earth has been in existence?  How much should we rely on technology before it plows over non-technological traditions that have made us who we as a human race are today?  Is the use of technology and social networking an inevitable part of our evolution into "higher" beings?  Is this the way things are meant to be?  I can't tell you how long I have waited to write this particular blog.  I have always been frustrated with this issue and would like to try to tackle it.

Social networking is convenient and fast.  You can keep in contact with your friends no matter your location.  You could be laying in bed, grocery shopping, traveling to a different country, or for those that are more "experienced" social networkers, driving.  (But please don't do that while driving.  I think your life is a little more important than keeping in touch with friends for a few minutes out of an entire day.)  If you want "news" about your friends, you can get that "news" within a matter of a few seconds.  I love to be involved in the social networking craze, but when such personal information is so easily accessible at such a rapid pace, problems tend to arise.

The number one problem that exists when Facebook is combined with interest or love is jealousy.  With so much information available about a single person on something as simple as a profile page, the concept of jealousy does not fail to destroy your mind.  If you like a particular person or are dating someone, you will have more of a tendency to "stalk" their profile page.  What does stalking involve?  I'm sure most of you know this, but just to be clear, "stalking" involves looking at someone's profile with the thoughts of, "I wonder what they are up to, if they're talking to anyone else, etc." in mind.  When you stalk an interests' page, you are setting yourself up for self-esteem degradation.  We all play the comparison game, and it goes a little something like this:

Step #1 - You have an interest in someone.
Step #2 - You become friends with them on Facebook.
Step #3 - You check out their profile to find out a little more about who they are.
Step #4 - And then you see that a pretty girl/attractive guy (depending on your case) posted something on their wall or commented on one of their photos.
Step #5 - You click on that person's name to check out what you can of their profile and pictures.
Step #6 - You click...and click...and click
Step #7 - You immediately begin comparing yourself to this person and wonder why you don't have some of the things that they do.
Step #8 - You get jealous because obviously the person that you are stalking is somewhat interesting to the person that you have an interest in.  You feel like you must compete with him or her.
Step #9 - You become a little depressed and want to change the person you are so that the person that you are interested in will possibly like you more.

As much as we don't want to admit it, we all Facebook stalk.  Do you remember life before Facebook?  The relationships that we built with people proved to be more genuine.  More time was spent face to face rather than computer to computer.  What used to be one on one has now become one on thousands, and problems such as playing comparison games and jealousy are literally inevitable.  I admire those that choose to delete their Facebook accounts.  I can only imagine how refreshing it must feel...

Because of Facebook, love has become more public than private.  Each circle of friends that we have on Facebook is like a Hollywood clique.  Everyone knows your news (if you choose to display it), and gossip will spread quicker than ever before.  You are your own paparazzi and your friends are the writers for Star and National Enquirer.  Putting a title on your relationship has never been as much of an obligation as it is now.  If you are dating someone, you are automatically expected to be "Facebook official."  If someone and their significant other are not fully "Facebook official," he or she may stress out a little about it.  Trust me, I've done it before.  I don't want to sound like I'm crazy, but there is some sort of mental takeover that being "Facebook official" performs.  Love is no longer at your own disposal, but rather at the disposal of others.  In a way, you are forced to take into consideration what others think about you.  It is almost impossible to be freed by the seemingly invisible constraints of your Facebook friends.  Granted, there are people that do not use Facebook as much and do not feel in any way constrained by its magical powers, but the majority of people log in about five times a day.

It also seems that many people, especially in younger generations, no longer make an effort to bask in the glory of face time (and I don't mean iPhone face time).  So, what does this mean for love?  Is Daft Punk's song title Digital Love emulating what love will ultimately become?  As weird as that may sound, it could happen.  The intimacy of love could vanish and some concept of digital love could take its place.  This is a very futuristic idea, but is this possible?  Humans are social animals, whether it is technologically or not.  However, I believe we all long for actual human presence at many points in our lives.  If we don't have that physical presence when we desire it, we get frustrated.  If we don't have that companionship for a really long time, then we go crazy.  If you look at these statements, you can see that social networking sites isolate us from the physical world and provide us the fuel for our own insanity.

Furthermore, getting over a relationship is more difficult than ever before.  After a couple has spent so much time invested in being in love, that love does not automatically go away after a break-up.  Questions still linger and the only way to find answers to those questions without having to go through the pain of talking to an ex is to pull up their Facebook profile and stalk away.  You begin looking at photos over and over again and click on every single person you find the least bit intimidating.  The pain of memories that resurface is infinite when Facebook is involved.  This is why I am going to make this suggestion - if you have recently gone through a break-up, or still wonder about an ex from long ago, block their Facebook profile.  You will feel a million times better, trust me.  I felt like I had to do it with my ex of three years because I could not stand the pain of seeing how his life was progressing.  I felt myself still wanting to be a part of it.  Once I blocked him, things became so much easier and less stressful for me.  I have now completely moved on.  I feel healthier.

Another reason that social networking sites are so poisonous is that they provide an outlet for secretiveness and hidden promiscuity, thus possibly ruining commitments that people have made with each other.  Unless someone has a controlling significant other that demands a username and password (which sounds crazy since it is obvious that trust would not exist in that relationship), anyone can use Facebook to be sneaky.  Social networking has caused an uprise in distrust.  It really is a shame, but I am certain that this is an issue that couples deal with daily.

Although recent, these social networking developments have caused self-esteem degradation, worry of what others think, vanishing intimacy, secretiveness and distrust.  Facebook may be a wonderful invention when it comes to keeping in touch with strictly friends and family, but throwing interests, significant others and exes into the mix proves deleterious.  Relationships, love and Facebook have proven to be the equivalent of oil and water.

The Seasons of Love

Love is in the air... we have all heard that phrase many, many times, right?  Doesn't it seem that once one person claims that they are "officially" in a relationship, several other people that you know also claim the same thing?  It's really interesting.  Love seems contagious, almost like a winter cold, except with better side effects.  Not only does love seem contagious, but this always seems to happen at the turn of seasons.  When winter slowly turns into a myriad of bright yellow pollen and blooming flowers, love seems to grow from the ground too.  Or perhaps when the hot, sweaty summer transitions into beautiful different-colored leaves and perfect, crisp weather, love makes its way into the slight autumn breeze.  What is it about the earth's position in relation to the sun and its connection with love?  Is there some kind of deep meaning behind the alignment of the planets and love?  Is love really some crazy, mystical concept defined by outer space happenings (and I don't mean aliens) and that is why we can't really rightly explain it?

Perhaps the changing of seasons provides some sort of awakening within us human beings.  When we awaken to this change - something quite refreshing and seemingly magical - we begin to become interested in other things, specifically other people.  Therefore, change creates curiosity and new ventures.  These new explorations could always lead to love, which is why it may seem that once one person becomes "officially" in a relationship, the rest follow along (though not intentionally).

Also, I feel that love's mood can change with seasons.  For example, I feel that winter is perhaps one of the most perfect seasons for love, because it creates more intimacy.  Why do I say that?  Just think about it - when it is cold outside, it only seems right to stay inside, cuddle up next to a fireplace, drink hot chocolate and talk for hours through prolonged evenings.  You are, in a sense, stuck within walls, and whoever is present with you within those surroundings will more than likely get to know you and create a meaningful relationship with you.  In the summer, love seems more spontaneous and carefree.  There are more chances for summer flings because everyone seems to be more out and about and in contact with many different people.  With such interactions, the idea of a steady relationship does not seem so feasible as you are looking for exciting adventures and new people.

And then there is spring and autumn.  These "in-between" seasons seem so perfect for love.  These seasons create just the right balance of coziness and adventurousness.  Their medium-esque temperatures provide just the right mood for romance and the want to be in a relationship.  I can't explain the science behind all of this, but it is all so enthralling to me.

So the next time you feel that everyone is jumping on the bandwagon by falling in love, perhaps you should keep the seasons in mind.  This idea may sound crazy, but they could quite possibly answer some questions about the mystical feeling of love in the air.

What Can Honesty Do For You?

Although love carries the weight of various claimed definitions and bustling emotions, one feature of love that remains consistently concrete and certain is honesty.  In the absence of honesty, you cannot obtain a true love, not with yourself nor with another person.

Unless the concept and action of honesty has been repeatedly pummeled into your brain since birth, I believe it takes some time to fully realize what honesty creates.  In regards to this issue, I can speak from experience.  I feel that I am just now grasping the concept and action of honesty.  I am accepting honesty into my life because I have seen the results that it can produce.

Honesty can create initial pain and confusion not only for yourself, but for the other party too.  Perhaps the reason it takes some people so long to get in the habit of being consistently honest is that they are afraid of the pain and confusion that may accompany it.  However, although those hurting and baffling feelings bounce around in your brain, it's the after-effect of honesty that makes you feel ocean-cleansed and brand new.  The pure fact that you have no secrets to hold in and worry about relieves a plethora of stress.  Your actions, words, thoughts, and what have you are now out in the open.  That may worry you a little bit, but once some time passes, you will realize that it does not matter what other people think.  We are all selfish creatures.  Yes, it's all about you.

Staying honest with yourself and with others shows that you are genuinely interested in developing and maturing into your highest capabilities.  You will earn respect and gain trust from many people.  Some may look down on you for who you actually are, but those are the people that you should not allow to affect your life.  Rise above their negativity and be the person that you have always wanted to be.

I choose to be honest because I was once a dishonest person.  I emotionally hurt myself and others that I loved and cared for.  Since I am help-natured and carry an innate trait of helping anyone in need, I finally came to the realization that holding secrets and proceeding with dishonesty is not the correct path I should take.  I should not hurt anyone by being untruthful.

Secrets and lingering thoughts are no longer trapped inside.  I stand my ground and blurt out honesty because I know that the saying that I heard many times as a child is actually true.  "The truth will set you free."  Once you are set free by telling the truth, I promise that you will love yourself even more.  If your significant other knows that you are an honest person and he or she agrees to be the same, your relationship with one another will be much stronger.

Honesty - give it a try.  What can honesty do for you?

Love vs. Addiction

I'm digging in my memories and searching for the experiences I've had walking on the fine line of love and addiction.  Actually, I shouldn't say that I have walked this line often, or even at all, but I have seen others on the border.  What exactly separates love from addiction?  And where does infatuation lie?  I have always been curious about how these concepts differ from each other.  Now that I have a little more experience under my belt with these issues, I'd like to attempt to thoroughly investigate them.


Love.  I've written about this before.  What is love?  Well, if you remember reading my blog entitled, How do you know that you are truly in love?, I state that:


"True love has no shame.  There is no guilt.  There are no obligations.  True love is the unity of two people that are so compatible with each other and so eager to venture forward into the roaring sea of emotions and unexpected happenings.  The feeling of true love is not solely physical, but rather deep in your soul.  You dream about this person and you really believe that you could not survive if you did not have this wonderful human being by your side."


Honestly, it does sound a little bit like addiction, doesn't it?  You really believe that you could not survive if you did not have this wonderful human being by your side.  Aren't people that are addicted to drugs or alcohol feel the same way about those substances?  That they would literally explode if they did not have them?  Perhaps addiction is an extreme degree of love.  At the beginning of a relationship, love is immature and undeveloped.  It isn't true love, but it is certainly the beginning stage of it.


Well, maybe I should back up a little.  How about infatuation?  I believe infatuation occurs before a relationship ever begins.  But...do all infatuations lead to a relationship?  No.  Some people are infatuated with movie stars.  They daydream about them, sending their minds spinning off into other dimensions.  Infatuation is almost like reading a fiction book.  At first, it's nothing - you're just reading.  But then, you begin to know the characters a little more, slowly beginning to realize how good the book is.  Then you become SO immersed in everything that the characters do, and you actually begin living in this fantasy land.  It's almost not real.  It's a little like your own personal heaven.


Infatuation, however, can quickly turn to reality.  Either you finish reading the book and snap back into the real world, or you actually come into contact with the characters.  Why do you think people are so obsessive over Harry Potter?  It consists of a series of books based in this super awesome fantasy world.  Then they made movies.  Yes, with actual people in them.  If I were Emma Watson, I would run for my life.  Millions of people are infatuated with her!  I would take the next spaceship to Mars if I knew that many people were "after" me.  Literally.  So, does infatuation equal obsession?  I think so.  Maybe just a little bit.  So perhaps infatuation shouldn't even be compared with love.  Fair enough.


Love.  Love love love.  What do you love to do?  I love to write.  I love to dance.  I love music.  I love my friends and my family.  I love to stay fit.  I love to do all of these things, but I am not addicted to them.  Maybe I would lose a little bit of my sanity if I didn't have any of these things, but I think I would be able to survive without them.  Wait, friends and family?  Okay, I'm rethinking this...


But here is the point.  I am not addicted to my friends or family.  That would be kind of creepy, to be honest with you.  Okay, I can't lie.  I had to use Google to help me out here.  This is what Google gives as a definition for addiction:


being abnormally tolerant to and dependent on something that is psychologically or physically habit-forming


Habit-forming... okay.  Well, in that sense, love can become an addiction.  If you get into the same routine with your significant other, a.k.a. get too comfortable, your love for one another will turn into an addiction and the break-up (if it ever happens) will be even more painful.  This is why you constantly hear that change is healthy.  I'm not saying that you have to change the person that you're dating, but at least put a little spontaneity into your life!  Think of it this way: when you are in love with someone, you both become one.  You lose a little part of yourself in order to become a part of this bigger picture.  You keep taking in all the glory of the relationship, wanting more and more of each other as time goes on.  Looking at it from the outside, it's actually kind of sickening to believe that I fell into this "addiction" once before.  Once your substance for addiction is taken away, you go a little crazy.  And then you realize, you were addicted.

So, conclusion: if you get too comfortable, you're falling into addiction.  Stay away people!

What about love vs. addiction in regard to non-human things?  I believe the line is more clear when we talk about love vs. addiction in non-human aspects.  If someone loves to do something, they have a deep, heartfelt passion for it.  They like to do it, but they also have a life outside of that.  They are social and they enjoy doing other things just as much.  Now, you can tell when someone is addicted to something.  They do it continuously.  Over and over and over again.  And then you start to see a change in their personality.  And then you realize that that particular thing is all they think about.  Addiction is scary.  I've seen a few people addicted to certain things and it's almost like they are a completely different person.  Kind of like being bipolar.

I can't successfully give advice about how to overcome an addiction, but I do know that if you keep the people that you care about the most close to you, you have a better chance of getting over an addiction.

There is a fine line between love and addiction.  However, it really is all up to you when it comes to deciding which side of the fence you would like to be on.

Love in a Photo

I found this picture on www.time.com and thought that it depicted love so well.  This is a Chilean miner and his wife after he was rescued.

Daydreamer

My tears are living among
These clouds of daydreams,
Slashing reality's throat
And watching its bloody rain
Fall helplessly beneath,
Pounding against the tangible soil,
Seeping into Hell's doors
And quenching sin's thirst.
My wings never tire
And my soul does not cease
Its search for happiness,
But slowly my mind's stars fall
Exhausted from endless possibilities.
However their deaths are beautiful,
Swirling into blackness,
Admired by fellow daydreamers.
And inspiration is created as the blood
Continuously descends, and dreams
Are sought as my mind's life
Seems to slowly end.
But it is the LOVE from my soul
That heals self-crumbling.
And it is LOVE's drum in the world's band
That shifts my feet excitingly.
And it is my LOVE for my passions
That reignites my stars.
And it is LOVE that is pain,
But saves us again and again.

Most Americans Don't Understand Love

My friend Chong shared this video with me.  I thought that you all would really enjoy this.  It definitely brings up a lot of topics to think about.  God = love!

Click Here for the Video

Loving Your Career

Once again, folks, money comes in from the left side and throws love a punch in the face.  Love stumbles around a little bit, but really, it's love that has the better character to beat out its green covered opponent.  In all reality, love is everlasting and money vanishes fairly quickly.  If you want to be happy in life, you must  love your career.

Recently, someone told me that there is a difference between a job and a career.  A job is something that you feel a little more obligated to do.  This obligation is not necessarily fun, but it does give you money.  This money can help you pay for your necessities.  There can also be some spending cash, but of course, that goes away really quickly.  All in all, a job is something you have to get by... for now.  A career is something that you really want to do for the rest of your life.  A career is a true investment of your time and your interests.  A career defines who you are, and is generally something that you love to do.  Of course, a career pays you too, but it may not be as much as you would like.

The explanation I just gave may be a little confusing, so let me clarify:

#1 - JOB - Work that pays money.  You may or may not like it.  It's usually temporary - something you want to beef up your resume with.

#2 - CAREER - Also work that pays money.  People are generally very interested in their careers.  It's very long-term and requires a lot of investment of time and interest.  Your career really defines who you are.

Okay, so now that we have that settled, let me explain to you exactly why you should love your career for what it is and not the money.  If your career pays you a lot of money and you absolutely love what you do, then that is a double whammy.  Your life is really good, and people envy you.  No joking here.  For the majority of us though, we want to make a career out of what we love, but we won't really get a great monetary compensation.  That's okay.  If you can wake up every single day of your life and think something along the lines of, "Wow, I'm really excited to go to work.  I can't wait to do this today.  This day is awesome.  I love my life," then you, my friend, are in a great position.  There may be tiny stresses of life that come along and try to throw down your love for your career, but the attempts by those stresses have nothing on your thoughts about what you do.  Love is so deep and complex, that I truly believe it is almost impossible for anything to simply run it over.  It may take a demon to do that.

Now, if you wake up every day and think these following thoughts: "Oh my Gooodddd, I don't want to go to work today.  Should I just call in sick?  I have to see my boss today, ohh mannnnn..." then I think you may not be in love with your career.  You're in it just for the money, aren't you?  Sure, the money is nice and you can support yourself and your family in addition to buying fancy things, but let's hope you don't kill yourself first!  If you want to live a happy, healthy life, make a smart investment in your career and do something that you love.

I had a conversation with one of my former bosses recently, and she told me that if you're unsure about what you are really in love with doing, just ask yourself two simple questions: "What did you really enjoy doing as a child?" and "What is something that you do that causes you to completely lose track of time?"  The answer to these two questions may lead you down the right path.  Honestly, the answer to both of those questions for me is writing.  I have been keeping a journal since I was about 12 years old, but even before that, I would always write random stuff and enjoy it.  It was only until recently that I realized and understood that we must focus on our natural talents and use them to our best advantage.  After all, what good is it if an extremely talented piano player decides to pursue a career in accounting?  For one, the natural born piano player will be miserable.  Also, that just doesn't seem very efficient.  Wouldn't you rather hire someone that was naturally good in that field?  Makes sense.

And trust me, I really don't think it's ever too late to pursue a career that you are passionate for.  You can be in your 60's or in your 20's.  If changing your career to something you love means saving your sanity and healthy living, then what do you have to lose?  Nothing.

Do what you love.  Pay no mind to the money sitting on your shoulder telling you, "You waaant meee."  Your sanity and your life will thank you for not giving in to stupid green pieces of paper.  Love is so much cooler than that.

Fearing Love - "I don't want to get hurt again."

There's one side of love that brings your heart and your mind to the highest heavens.  Angels play harps and send perfect melodies through your ears.  The world's perils are brought to a halt and you know no existence of sadness and tears.  For every heaven, however, there reigns a hell, and sometimes love finds its dwelling amongst those fires.

Perhaps the most painful part of love is parting from a person that you've loved for such a long time.  It's hard to be so immersed in pools of goodness and affection then have it disappear in an instant.  Once a relationship ends, everything good that exists in the world seems to turn evil.  It's almost impossible not to become Mr. Scrooge after experiencing this type of loss.  After "losing love," it's difficult to believe that you could stand to go through this again.  You think about all the time that you have invested into falling in love, and you fear the thought of not only spending more time on trying to fall in love with another person, but also the idea that you could get hurt again.

A person with a broken heart is at first pessimistic.  Give that person time, and he or she will eventually realize that being consistently sad, guilty and lonely is not the way to live life and progress into being the person that he or she has always wanted to be.  A miraculous thing will happen after a little time has passed - that person will make a return to his or her "old" ways.  He or she will become himself of herself again.  He or she is no longer emotionally attached to the significant other that could have been "the one."

A little more time and then that person will be open to the idea of falling in love again.  Although the pain of the previous love left a deep, never-healing scar buried in the soul, there is a particular spark in this potential "lover" that ignites the hope flame.  However, although that flame is eager to burst and live, there is still that overhanging fear that threatens to extinguish hope.

What is the best remedy for fear?  I've heard stories of people with a fear of heights that go skydiving in order to overcome their fear.  I suppose it seems that the best remedy is to just jump in front of your fear's face and show it who's boss.  Have no fear in order to overcome your fear, and life moves on.  However, with a subject as intricate as love, it doesn't seem so easy.  How can you so boldly face something that is attached to factors such as emotion, affection and more?  This powerful entity is something that we ALL experience.  Fears of heights, cockroaches and dead people affect us deep inside, but they do not reach the crevices that love lives within.

What is the best remedy for fear of love?  How do we press stop on the repeating thought in our head that screams, "You don't want to invest even more time in another relationship or risk getting hurt again!"?  Should we just take a risk and jump into the cold water?  If we do jump right in, we know that at least a learning experience will emerge from what will happen.  And if we don't jump in?  I suppose we'll never know what could have happened, and we will always wonder...

So, if you're fresh out of a relationship and feel that the world is crumbling down on you - I understand.  Just give it a little time, and you'll be back to your old self.  You will love again.  When you think you've found the person that you would like to try your "luck" with, have at it!  Why not?  Honestly, you may get hurt again and you may have to spend more time on developing this relationship, but I feel that the more you do this, the easier it gets, and the more peace of mind you will have.  You'll live a happier life without a big block of wonder weighing you down.  You'll have no regrets, because the experiences you have will bring you to places that you can't even imagine.

Just remember to never lose the grasp of who you are when you give in to love.  In all reality, when it seems that you've lost everything, you will ALWAYS have yourself.  If you don't even really know who you are or what you enjoy, then life will be much more difficult.

Don't fear love.  Take risks.  Live life.

Loving Those That Have Passed - Evidence That Love is Eternal and Undying

Our capabilities to grow emotionally attached to particular people never fail us.  For most human beings on Earth, there is a group of people that we keep in touch with for the majority of our lives.  Most of the time, that particular group of people is our family.  There are also a few friends that we have that might as well fall under that same category.  The point is that we invest so much time in building relationships with these people that our developed love for them imbeds itself in the most obscure hiding places in the deepest depths of our souls.  The type of love that we have for these glorious people with who we share our lives with - those of our own blood or seemingly so - is utterly indestructible.

When death falls upon someone we love so dearly, it certainly feels that a piece of our body has been spliced out and thrown in a nearby dumpster.  Death creates a type of feeling that no one can unerringly sympathize with.  We give our best efforts to offer all we can to make someone cheer up a little after a loss, but the pain from having a chunk of love instantly extracted from one's soul is too unbearable for any near-perfect cure.  After death, it seems the only place a deceased person exists is in our memories.  As we dig into our memories to recreate an image, a smell, or a situation that happened with this loved one, our love for him or her reignites and proves that it is existent, even when we have temporarily forgotten.

Since the aspect of physical love disappears after one passes, love transitions into purely emotional and spiritual.  This invisible love can be brought forth through telling stories, writing, sharing photographs, and more.  I feel that when one conveys this love they still have for a particular person to others through these forms of expression, other people are able to develop a love for this person that has passed as well.  The love that they develop may not be as deep and complex as that of the person sharing his or her experiences, but the sole fact that it can be passed on and appreciated through different forms of expression is outright amazing.

I must share one experience that I have had with loving a family member that has passed.  My grandfather, Robert Osti (same name as my dad... and my brother), was apparently a great man.  Through many stories and photos that have been shared with me about this man, I have honestly grown to love him.  Unfortunately, I did not get the chance to meet him before he passed, but I can still see love for him through my father's eyes and through others' eyes.  I think about how if it wasn't for my grandfather's existence, I would not be here.  I remember all those pictures that I have been shown of him fishing.  I appreciate this and want to go fishing as well.  I live vicariously through these stories and photographs and sense something deep inside me that says, "You are a part of him.  Go on, share his story.  Share his love."

My story is only one small piece of evidence that love is truly eternal and undying, even when physical beings disappear from our vision.  As time passes on, love for a particular person may not be as strong as it was for those that were once physically present with this person, but the truth is that this love passes on for days, weeks, months, years, decades and centuries.  Everything we hear and everything we experience shapes the way our lives play out.  When stories or photographs conveying love of those that have passed appear in our lives, I believe that some aspect within us changes, even if it's the slightest.  This small change could change the experience of someone else, then someone else, then someone else...  You see, love is everlasting.  Love is so powerful that it lives through the dead.  In fact, love does not know the word dead.  Love is timeless, ongoing, forever...

Celebrities and Love - Part 2

It seemed that my last post about celebrities and their difficulties with falling in love and keeping love was a little broad.  I failed.  A little.  With this post, I'm going to specify a few more things and throw in a few more insights.

Okay, so I'll start with defining a "celebrity."  In some cases, a person does not intend to be a celebrity.  It just kind of happens sometimes.  That kid Justin Bieber?  Totally started out on YouTube just doing his thing.  Perhaps he did have an underlying intention to be famous one day, but he didn't expect it so suddenly.  That guy that does the Evolution of Dance?  Same thing.  These types of celebrities, the YouTube celebrities in particular, don't necessarily expect to become famous.  These people are considered celebrities because a large mass of people saw their videos on the internet, either randomly or intentionally, and spread the word about these amazing videos to their friends, their family, and so forth.  These people are now being sponsored by companies, are on a record label, are invited to go to these places to perform, etc.  Boom!  Media.  Cameras everywhere.  No escaping the media.

The other types of celebrities have a little more expectation of being famous.  Whether it is acting, pursuing a sport or playing music, the people that enter into these industries KNOW what they are getting themselves into.  They know that the media is there, and they can control what happens in their lives.  However, the media can get a little overwhelming, and perhaps the "famousness" can overtake a person's control of his or her life.  No matter what type of celebrity someone is, the media will always be there.

Alright, now that that is defined, let's move on.  Some celebrities are drowning in the media sea.  Some by choice, others not.  Some use the media to their advantage to get more famous and eventually (probably) get more money.  For those celebrities that spend a majority of their time using the media to get ridiculously famous, I feel that they have no time whatsoever to honestly devote to a person that they would like to fall in love with.  There's a relationship here and there, maybe a "marriage," but there doesn't seem to be a true love.  It's unfortunate, because everyone should experience true love at some point in their lives, but with money on their minds, it really does seem impossible.

Then there are those celebrities that love what they do in the industry, knowing what they are getting themselves into, but stay unphased by the roar of the media crowd.  They actually have loving relationships and really don't care about what people think about them.  They have "normal" lives.  A whole lot of people know them, but they don't care.  They have more important things to do.

I still have those particular questions about celebrities in love.  I wonder how difficult it is and how committed they are or want to be.  The truth is that every person varies, even when fame and the media come into play.

Let's face it: the media distorts a lot of things.  Fat girls look skinny in 10 seconds, everyone has perfect skin, this person's marriage is so wonderful when really he is looking for divorce, this couple divorced because she cheated, blah, blah, blah.  Not all of it is true.  It's what they want you to believe.  Hey, you.  Be your own person.  Believe what you want to believe, not what you're forced to believe.  Go out there, go love someone.  Love > Fame.  However, if you consider yourself in love with fame, well... I can't stop you.

Accept Me For Who I Am

I'm not sure if this post is entirely related to love, but I have such a large lump sitting in my throat right now just thinking about the fact that I am choosing to post this.  I've really thought about this... I've thought about it long and hard, and I've decided that it is best to be honest with myself and to be honest with everyone.  I almost want to cry as I think about how I'm going to say this, but, I don't know, there is just something inside telling me that I must do this.  A lot of the times, I choose to steer away from this voice and make a different decision, but this one... it just seems like I should listen to the voice.  For all of you - I must be real with you.  I must reveal to you who I really am.  I know that some of you may stray away from me.  For others, I think you'll stick around.  However, in order to relieve my mind and work on my honesty, I must tell you.

As many of you may know, I have recently ended a three year relationship with someone that I thought was the love of my life.  As every relationship is, there were ups and downs, but I was happy.  This person really did make me happy.  But then... there were some points in this relationship when I wasn't happy.  My feelings were different and something was just off.  As quiet as I am, I didn't necessarily tell anyone.  I didn't even want to stay true to myself and believe that something was wrong.  I just lived life accordingly... and made some huge mistakes.

No one wants to do bad things in his or her life.  No one intentionally says, "Oh, today, I'm going to make the worst possible grade I can on this test," or "I think I want to do horribly in the game next weekend."  I have come to the general conclusion that all human beings have a natural intention to do good in their lives - to try their best.  At times, all humans make mistakes, but that does not necessarily mean that they made those mistakes because they wanted to do something bad or wrong.  I have to tell all of you, I must... those mistakes I've made in my previous relationship... I have cheated.  More than once.  I can't lie.  I must be honest.

I had no intentions at all of hurting my boyfriend.  Each time that it occurred, my feelings were different.  I was emotionally vulnerable and other factors played in that didn't help out so much.  Every single day of my life, I ask myself, "Why?"  Other people ask me that too.  "Why?"  I don't know why.  Really, I could blame it on the fact that my emotions were haywire and I was just stupid at the time, but I must take responsibility for the actions that I have done.  I can't run away from them (and trust me, I've seriously considered doing that).  I have to recognize that I made a completely controllable mistake, and now I am suffering the "consequences."  I don't really believe I'm suffering so much anymore, because now I am more at a peace of mind, but those particular decisions that I have made have led me to where I am now.  The place I'm at now is not a bad place, but the pure fact that I feel ridiculously awful for what I've done and see the emotional pain and hurt I've caused a number of people because of these actions just puts me a little bit at edge.  I can't reverse time and change what I've done.  I just have to learn, live, and move on.

I need to clarify that my ex did nothing wrong.  This decision was solely my decision and nothing more...  So, if my ex did nothing wrong, then why in the hell would I do this?  I still don't know.  My mind is currently playing tug-of-war with itself...

I suppose the worst part of this situation is that my ex did not find out through me directly, and he did not find out right after it happened.  He found out by seeing my diary.  Why didn't I tell him earlier?  It's because I didn't want to lose him.  I was comfortable, happy, enjoying life, and I didn't want to lose him.  I was deeply in love and did not want that special feeling to be destroyed.  But... look at me now.  I don't talk to him anymore, and honestly, it pains me.  I am honestly over the relationship and what happened, but the fact that I spent about three years on this and don't even have a friendship with this guy really, really pains me.  It all takes time, it's true, but time can really tear you apart...

Once a cheater, always a cheater?  I really don't think so.  I can't stand to go through this again.  I can't stand to completely obliterate someone and have no respect for the feelings they have for me.  I can't be in a commitment, a promise, and break that.  I...cannot...do this to myself or others again.  It's awful.

And here I am, tears streaming down my face, and I keep telling myself that I have to stay strong and move on.  If you know me well enough, you know that one of my main goals in life is to help people - to make the world a better place.  The fact that I have completely destroyed someone's life and possibly all trust that he had for me and other people hurts deep in my soul.  I've also destroyed the trust that other people have for me.  If you know me and trust me, I'm scared that if you read this post, your view about me will be completely different.  I'm scared about that, but I have to remember that I can't worry too much about what others think about me.  I must love myself and do what I want to do with my life.  I must work hard toward achieving my goals and learn from these mistakes I've made.  I can't beat around the bush anymore.  From here on out, if you want honest answers, I will give you honest answers.

I feel a little worried about posting this, because when I post this, perhaps it will seem like my privacy and my ex's privacy is completely thrown out the window.  But, I don't know... I feel like I need to follow my intuition and reveal to you all the mistakes I have made.  I'm ready for what is to come...

So, I suppose one thing I would like to say for anyone that this applies to is that I'm sorry.  I know this two word sentence really doesn't do too much, but I'm going to say it anyways.  I'm sorry.  Another thing that I would like to say is thank you for reading this.  Thank you for taking the time to get to know me.  Thank you for taking part in something that I absolutely love to do - to write.

I feel good now.  I feel much better.  I feel relieved.  There are so many people that I've become close to and have opened up to, but I really feel that this is the breaking point.  This is who I am.  I don't want to say that I'm a cheater because I have done it before.  I just want to say that the person that I am becoming is an honest person that has made mistakes and is learning to move on.  I am a woman that is no longer afraid to speak her mind.  I'm no longer afraid of what others think about me.  I'm a little afraid of commitment, partly because of this.  I realize that it will take a lot of time to completely heal.  I'm still me - I still love to play piano, write, play sports, hang out with my friends, draw, drive on Sunday mornings, tell corny jokes... This is me.  Please, accept me for who I am.

Celebrities and Love - Love Living in the Media Prison

We can all agree that love is a form of intimacy.  When two people are in love, both automatically jump in a forcefield and don't want to be interrupted by outside elements.  Love is deep and complicated, so it makes sense that when two people share that, they keep their guard and refuse to let in anything that might disrupt this seemingly perfect balance.

But what about celebrities and well-known public figures?  How can these types of people, practically "stalked" by millions, have the chance to hold some type of wanted intimacy without it being trampled upon by a mass of eager elephants?  At some points, I pity those that are famous.  Celebrities are fully capable of falling in love, but the pure fact that they have no privacy to take part in something so gratifying, refreshing - a physical and mental escape - makes it difficult for them to be "normal" human beings.  The media owns them, and no matter how hard they try, they fail to escape from Alcatraz.

Celebrities have HUGE commitments.  Their commitments are quite different than ours - in order to keep their jobs and stay successful in the industry, they must consistently look attractive, watch what they say, eat, do, who they hang out with, what movies they star in, what teams they play for (if they're an athlete), what they buy, where they appear... everything that a very well-known person does must be consistently managed, sometimes even without their consent and input, no matter how big or small the issue is.  With their hectic lifestyles, it seems a celebrity cannot fall in love with anyone less famous than a Hollywood celebrity.  There is another universe in the movie, music, and sports industries.  Everyone seems confined to hang out with those people only working as a musician, actor or athlete.  However, I kind of understand that concept, because if celebrities were "allowed" to hang out with us "normal" people, there may be a little mayhem.

I have no experience with being famous, but I must ask you this:  Don't you feel that the older you get, the less you start worrying about what others think?  For celebrities, I feel that they hardly ever grow up in this subject.  Now, mind you, there are those celebrities that REALLY don't care what people think, but for the majority, there's something deep back in their brains that tell them, "You must do this.  People will like you."  Actually, we all have that little voice, but I feel it rings more prominent for celebrities that can never escape camera lights and people screaming for autographs.

With all of this chaos going on in celebrities' lives, how in the world can they have time to develop a true, deep, heartfelt relationship with someone that they could eventually fall in love with?  From the outside, it seems impossible.  From the inside, I really don't know.  You tell me.  It seems that everytime I go buy groceries and check out the magazines the store tries to force you to buy as you stand in line to check out, the front pages are plastered with images of marriages, but then the day after, divorces.  And I should say that I see more news about people in Hollywood getting divorced and fighting over custody of children rather than those falling in love, getting married, and living happily ever after.

How do celebrities feel about love?  Are they those that feel no need for commitment?  Are they actually happier because they're not committed to one particular person and are more free-spirited, free-loving people?  Or are they lonely, because they barely have time to have a relationship without it being destroyed by news, gossip magazines, and even unruly "fans" that spread ridiculous rumors about them?  Or perhaps the money that circulates in their bank accounts keep them afloat as the boisterous seas show no mercy?  Is money more important than love for them?  Do they really make that choice?

From the outside folks, it looks like a "Houston, we have a problem" situation.  From the inside, I'm not quite sure, but I can't imagine that angels sing sweet tunes into celebrities' ears at night.  In fact, I think that's just the money singing.

Love and Commitment

I do believe that love is an act of commitment, that is to say that when someone is in love, he or she is fully engaging him or herself with another person both mentally and physically.  A good, one-word definition for commitment is "promise."  When two people are in love, a generally understood promise is made with each other.  There is a promise that each party will not offer this mental and physical love to someone else.  There is a promise that each party is with each other for a reason, and should there be any contest to that, then the relationship shouldn't even exist.  When I read this out loud, I realize that commitment sounds a little scary.  You know, I looked up the definition for commitment in the dictionary, and one of the definitions is, "consignment, as to prison."  Now, of course, this definition isn't meant to be applied to the subject of love, but the fact that that particular definition falls under the same word kind of threw me off.

I'm probably the last person that should say that I'm afraid of commitment.  However, in all honesty, after being in a serious relationship for three years, after making commitment mistakes in that relationship, and after all the pain and tears that have taken toll on my body, I am slowly realizing that I could possibly be scared to open my mind to the idea of being in a relationship again.  After being "committed" for so long, I feel that if I were to jump into another commitment, I might as well send myself to prison.

Here's a question I ask:  Do you think it's possible to love without being committed?  What if we all just loved freely - no jealousy, no commitments, no guilt, no getting comfortable with one particular person?  This idea really does sound like I'm a hard core, free-spirited hippie, but actually, it sounds kind of nice.

And then there is the BIG commitment - marriage.  But here's the thing - I feel like marriage is a good thing... I think.  For one, God commands it.  For another reason, it does show true commitment and deep, undying love.  Also, marriage is the general base for starting a family.  Who doesn't want to start a family?  Who doesn't want to have little mini-mes running around doing what you did when you were young?  That's exciting!  But... is that all marriage is?  No, absolutely not.  I don't really have a lot of experience with marriage, but from what I generally know and from what I have heard, marriage is a full-time job.  It takes a lot of work to coordinate with the one you married on so many levels.  You both have to be on the same level with EVERYTHING.  Otherwise, it just doesn't work out.  You both have to know what is going on with your finances, who you're hanging out with, what you're going to eat for dinner tonight, who is going to pick up the kids at what time... that sounds like a full-time job to me.  That's a little scary too.

Really, what point am I trying to make?  I can't convince everyone to become free-spirited, all-loving people.  I also can't convince everyone to marry at some point in their lives because it does provide some stability and the opportunity to have a family - to call something your own.  I can't point fingers at those that have been in long-term relationships for most of their lives, and I can't point fingers at those that have made commitment mistakes while in a relationship.

I suppose the point I'm trying to make is that everyone varies when it comes to the idea of commitment.  Some love it, some stray away from it.  Either path that one takes, there will be smiles, laughter, tears and pain.  As everything in life, there are positives and negatives.

Time and Timing - How Fate Holds Hands With Love

As I close my bedroom door, shut my blinds, and lay down in my bed to write, I come to realize that time is such a powerful entity in our lives.  And it's not just time I talk about - I'm talking about timing as well.  Then I begin to think, "How many times in my life has time been intertwined with love?"  To tell you the truth, time has almost everything to do with my experiences with love.  I think this: "Well, if it wouldn't have been for this that happened, or if I didn't go here to this place at this time, none of this would have happened."  It happens to all of us, really.  And it doesn't happen solely with love - it happens with everyday occurrences.  I would like to emphasize on the subject of time and love though, because, well, my blog is about love.

When it comes to love, there is good timing.  If I could give good timing a name, I feel the best fit would be Coincidence or perhaps Synchronicity.  The right people come into our lives at the right time, then there are opportunities to build relationships with these people.  If that goes well and if both parties are interested in moving forward, a dating relationship could develop, thus resulting in two people falling in love.  Time works in favor of both parties and eventually, time is forgotten.  When love is present, time is forgotten.  If you are in love with someone, you are entirely immersed in his or her goodness and cannot fully focus on the hands of a clock that seemingly determine your fate. With love, fate is nonexistent.  Love is very much alive and seems to know no fate, even in the presence of death.

When there is bad timing, I feel that there is "what if" love.  Perhaps you befriend someone that you feel a keen interest toward, but the possibility to move forward to true love fails because their interests are not quite the same, or they're only in your area of the world for a short period of time and have no chance of staying where you are for longer.  There is also the chance that you could have encountered someone that you had no idea could be your "perfect match."  Maybe you met someone briefly at a social function, but completely forgot to get their name so that you could keep in touch with them via Facebook.  If any of these situations happen, a lot of people would tend to say, "Oh, well it's not meant to be."  We seem to base a lot of occurrences on fate and coincidence.  If something does not go the way that we secretly desire, we usually put full blame on not a person, not even God, but rather an idea, something intangible.

Yeah, but...what if?  What does this mean?  Does blaming bad timing on fate make us feel better about ourselves?  Does this prove that we are lazy, and will not make an effort to reverse "fate" or rather, bad timing?  What if all of these occurrences were in accordance with love?  When we realize this, would we still be "lazy?"  How far would we go to change "fate" if it was for love?  How interested do we have to be in another person to pursue them for love, even from across an ocean?  Should we even attempt to "change" "fate," since time is something uncontrollable (and yes, I know you can control time management, but that is a completely different concept than this)?  I can't answer any of these questions, and it frustrates me a little.  Here I am, writing about time and love, but I honestly have NO idea to what degree any of this applies.  Each one of us is completely different - we all have different experiences and come from different backgrounds.  However, I feel there must be answers to these questions because love is something we ALL experience and ALL know about to some degree.  Do you think that if every single person in the world were to come together, love would have a concrete definition?  I've always wondered that.

Nonetheless, time and timing in itself is a work of art when it comes to love.  When you are trying to ask someone out, it seems that timing is everything.  "Oh, you shouldn't call him.  No, not yet, because then he'll think you're too clingy."  When you suffer from a break-up, you will hear this one piece of advice over and over and over again.  Whether it is your grandmother or a random person you find on the street, they will tell you this - "Just give it time."  Or perhaps someone will ask you, "How long have you two been together?"  Time.  Time is practically everything.  God may rule all, and money may be on everyone's mind all the time, and love may always be there tugging at your heart, but the truth is that TIME and TIMING are the determining factors of how our lives play out on this planet.

The scariest part?  We can't really control it.

How do you know that you are truly in love?

I hear nothing but these lyrics playing in my head right now: "What is love? Baby don't hurt me, don't hurt me, no more..."  Well, what is love?  How do you know that you are truly in love?  Sorry to disappoint you, but I am not the love god.  I can guarantee you that I don't have a clear answer to those questions, but from what I've learned through my experiences with relationships and friendships, I can take a stab at it.

Remember what I wrote about those first few months of a relationship?  Well, that's not love.  You think you're in love, but in all reality, you're not truly in love.  I like to think of love as being absolutely and completely honest with someone.  I also like to think of it as being real - just being who you are and not feeling obligated to change anything about yourself in order to satisfy someone else.  Love isn't what you'd like to think it is.  Love is not you and your lover riding on a unicorn in a magical land full of rainbows and butterflies and lots of loud, actually kind of obnoxious, school girl laughter.  Love is what stands still while all of the yelling, crying and confusion seems to whirl around you like a tornado.  Through all of your interactions, whether they are negative or positive, at the end of the day, you have a genuine interest to care for this person and to take them under your arms no matter the situation.  You can look straight into this person's eyes and begin to feel a little emotional and deep, because that person's eyes are the portals to the supposed everlasting truth.

Some people have told me that you know it's love because you get that feeling in the pit of your stomach every time you see that special person or you're just physically around him or her.  Honestly, I think that funny feeling in your stomach when you're around someone isn't necessarily a sign of love.  I remember being 13, 14 years old in high school and getting that feeling in my stomach when I saw my crush walking down the hall at school.  I'm not suggesting that this feeling is by any means immature, but I feel that it's more of the beginning stages of building a relationship and working your way up toward true love.  It's a phase.  Let's put it that way.

When I was in my longest-running relationship of three years, that feeling in my stomach eventually went away.  It's not because I no longer cared for that person or got bored.  It's because we both knew each other so well that we had passed that initial stage of "crushness" and started to get real.  Hate to break it to you - for all you teenage prince and princess-seekers out there - but that funny yet refreshing feeling you get in your stomach when you like someone... Yeah, that doesn't last forever.

True love has no shame.  There is no guilt.  There are no obligations.  True love is the unity of two people that are so compatible with each other and so eager to venture forward into the roaring sea of emotions and unexpected happenings.  The feeling of true love is not solely physical, but rather deep in your soul.  You dream about this person and you really believe that you could not survive if you did not have this wonderful human being by your side.  You write about him or her, hoping to display to the whole world that this particular person has the best personality and the best everything that one could think of.

True love is real, not fake.  If you really believe that you are truly in love, you are willing to sacrifice anything to see a smile on this person's face.  You know that you two will have arguments and fight, sometimes about the silliest things, but you also know that the great times you have had together clearly outweigh any negativity in the relationship.  You know each other so well that you could practically finish each other's sentences, almost as precise as identical twin siblings.

You know that you are truly in love when it just feels right.  All the stars align, the heavens open up, and then a big, bright light shines down upon you and him or her.  You could care less about the War on Iraq, Lady Gaga's next hit single, the neighbor that stole gardening tools from across the way, sitting in traffic after work, or even buying a nice outfit for the party next weekend.  You are completely oblivious to all that goes on in this world and you focus all your energy on this...one...person.  That, my friends, is how you know you are truly in love.

Love Me

(written 10/05/2009)

The melodies of the blades of grass
Swaying in your fragrant wind,
The sun reflecting your light
Beating down on my timid heart.

Your blood, your life...like yeast to my soul.
Rising above the tree tops, looking down on
The oven that scorches them,
For they do not contain the gated love that you have opened for me.

The birds circling your halo shout, Hallelujah!
The wings of your decorated language, your decorated hands,
Gently guiding the earth's music
To its double bar.

Your fruitful eyes, your sinless tongue,
Shouting a silent tune that only my ears can understand.
Your tanned toes grasping at those discreet melodies,
Searching for the right pitch, the right chord...

You can be assured that every note created by my
Racing blood, my running thoughts, my eager intentions
Is your favorite song, and
I will be your favorite singer.

Something I've written on Facebook a while ago, but worth reposting, because it's about LOVE!

Love... we all know what this word is. I'm not sure how many of you have actually experienced a deep, heart-felt love for someone, or even something for that matter, but I'm writing this to tell you that I have experienced this powerful, yet sometimes indescribable emotion. My life has fallen victim to this very word, but my life has also developed greatly from experiencing it.

When I was 8 years old, my absolute favorite grandmother, Marlene Lanclos, who was my mom's mother, passed away from cancer. She had such a large influence on my life, and to this day, I truly believe that she has made me the young woman that I am today. I spent so much time with her and have created so many memories with her during my childhood. I remember her telling me when I was much younger, "If someone tries to touch you on your private parts and you don't like it, tell them no!" Looking back on that statement, I realize that she really cared about me. She was also very intelligent and aware; she knew about the sad issues of child molestation and wanted to protect me from that. There was a man near where I lived that was very friendly and always brought cantelopes home with him. He would always talk to me and offer me cantelope to eat. My grandmother became very suspicious of his behavior after some time, and reminded me of what she told me. The man never tried to do anything, but I did make the choice to avoid him at all costs, taking into consideration what my grandmother told me.

My grandmother always read to me this book that I absolutely loved. The plot had something to do with an alligator and giraffe and two kids, one boy and one girl, going on some type of adventure. I just tried to Google the name of the book, but I was not successful. Oh, but it was my absolute favorite book. And my grandmother just read it over, and over, and over, and over again for me. I will never forget that.

She also loved those flowers called pansies. I remember her taking care of her yard often, and I would always find those silly-looking flowers (I thought) decorating the outside of her house. Even though I thought they were silly, they seem to fit her perfectly. Every time I see them now I am tempted to buy some and plant some in a yard or garden, even though I don't have one of my own.

And then I remember her downfall. I remember her sitting in her bathroom and giving herself shots of penicillin in her leg. I never understood what she was doing. I thought it was something quite normal. I remember visiting her in the hospital in New Orleans. I would look outside of her hospital room window and see the Mississippi River meandering its way along, no care in the world. Not even an ounce of care that my grandmother had cancer.

I remember laying next to her in bed and watching her read from her Bible and I remember her praying every night. Now that I look back, I think I remember the look on her face. That hopeful look, but then that underlying look of worry and concern. Of doubt and fear.

And then she was taken away. On a Sunday, I remember. She was taken away from me, from my family... I remember wearing the dress that she made me to the funeral, the navy blue dress with red and white trim and white stars. And then I remember the way I cried. I could not stop crying during the funeral. I could not breathe, and I could not sit still in my mother's lap. I remember my great-grandmother, Agnes, saying her words of sympathy for me... "Oh, that poor, poor child..." I could not stop thinking all these great memories I had of her. I just could not accept the fact that my favorite grandmother was gone, taken away by this hellish disease of which I could not even grasp its context...

This love I had for my grandmother, this deep, unconditional, family love took its toll at the time of her death. It hurt me, made my tears form a moat around me and my pretty blue dress dotted with white. This love I had for Marlene not only broke my heart, but hurt my body. She was my childhood, one of the people I looked up to the most. I will never forget her and I am proud to share these memories with you... but I warn you, although love at first may be joyous and heavenly, it can take a turn and send you twirling down to that wet, slimy, and muddy soil.

On the contrary, love does send its angels from above. You see, I have this deep and undying love for my boyfriend of a little over 2 years and 10 months, Caio Lima. The type of love I have for Caio is comforting and refreshing. He's the type of person that makes me feel like I can really be myself with no doubts or concerns. No matter what I decide, he is there to support me 100%, and that is something that is very special for me, especially since I am having a tough time trying to decide what exactly it is I want to do with my life. Caio is the type of man that makes me smile, even when I merely glance at him. He has such a positive energy... always keeps me on my toes.

And he's mature, intelligent, caring and understanding. He's adventurous and not afraid to speak his mind. He has taught me so many things about my life. I used to be an extremely stressed out person; I was always very uptight about things that I shouldn't even have worried a bit about. Caio has come into my life like some type of stress ball. No, I can't just squeeze him and things will get better (okay, well, maybe sometimes). But the fact is that since I have been with him, my worries about ALWAYS being on time, taking tests, and writing tons of papers have completely gone out the window. It's so wonderful to be calm and relaxed about things like that.

He has taught me so much about life, and he has been there with me through a big chunk of my college career. Therefore, he has a very big place in my heart. He's just always there, holding my hand, guiding me through this path of life. This is not the definition of love, but it's damn close to it, for me at least. I'm truly in love with this man.

So, you see, love can put you on top of the world, or it can bring you down to Earth's other axis. Love is a major player in this game of life, and it's something that cannot be avoided. Whether you have experienced love with a family member, a significant other, or just a friend, remember that this feeling will always have this underlying, magical effect that we may never be able to fully and properly define. Love does wonders, and it always will...

Those First Few Months of a Relationship - Ahhhhh, paradise!

It's a little ridiculous, admit it.  Those first few months that you're in an actual relationship with someone, you're both all goo-goo gaga over each other.  You can't help but smile every single second of every single day until it feels like your face will literally melt off of your skeletal structure.  You believe it's the most wonderful time of your life and, actually, for a split second there, you thought that this... yes, this is the person you may possibly spend the rest of your life with?  You know it's all fake and half-acting.  But yet you still believe that you are truly, yes, truly happy.

Well, the nice part about the first few months of a relationship is that it's fun!  There's a lot of mysteriousness, and the fun comes out when you try to be Sherlock Holmes and solve the mystery that lays deep inside of your significant other's soul.  There are some clues to the mystery that you'll be a little disappointed in.  However, there is other evidence swirling around inside that you will find quite delightful - another step toward claiming your true love for this person.

The first few months of a relationship are also crucial because that is the point when you start to build trust for the other person.  Without trust, what is a relationship?  And, trust me, I've definitely learned this the hard way.  Just because within those first few months, you both have already semi-established that you generally trust each other doesn't mean that you can go and change your ways, or rather, just do what you want.  You have to keep this trust consistent, and if something out of line happens, you have to be honest.  You MUST be honest with not only your significant other, but also with yourself.  People, this is SO important.  Listen to me.

My advice to you is to enjoy the first months of a relationship as much as you can.  Bask in the ocean of mystery.  My other advice is once you start to drown deeper in that ocean, make an effort to paddle upwards and keep your relationship exciting and full of new ventures.  A relationship stays strong with both parties make an effort to try out different things together.

Giving Your Love to Faith

Real love - that love that we can connect to something physical (a person, a pet, etc.) - is what I like to define as a really complicated matter.  But who knew that love could be so easy?  Who knew that during my times of break-ups, self-discovery, butterflies in my stomach and tears streaming down my face that if I just gave my love to something I truly believed in and felt nothing but eagerness toward, that I would actually be happily in love, no matter what?

God is who I am talking about.  You may have a different name for Him.  You may not believe in Him at all.  I am not pointing any fingers whatsoever, but rather suggesting to you that there is such a thing as a consistently happy love.  Who do I turn to when times get rough?  To be completely honest with you, I first yell out, "God, please help me!!!" or perhaps I would say, "God, what have I done?"  Well, there you have it.  He's just there, waiting, when times are rough.  He's also there when we're extremely happy and seem to veer off from His holiness, but... He's there.  And, I don't know about you, but that makes me happy.  That makes me love Him.  It's all about faith.  It's all about giving your love to faith.

Sometimes, I just get so lost in the physical love that I don't think about just how important it is to realize that your spiritual side needs to express a little love too.  It's kind of weird for me to try to separate out physical and spiritual in terms of love, but for the sake of my point, I will.  If you believe that there is one God and that he is all-knowing, I feel that showing your love for Him relieves your mind, lets you know that everything will be alright, no matter what avalanche comes tumbling down on you.  I suppose you could explain believing in God as being an optimist?  Sounds a tad awkward coming from a Christian, assuming you would think that I feel that all non-God believers are pessimists, but I think you understand.

I'm not afraid to admit that I find comfort in offering my love to a higher power.  I'm not afraid to tell you that there's something about that big guy up there that I love, even though I've never physically met him.  God is good.  Give your love to faith.  See what happens!