I have never been so pensive while prodding my spoon through a jar of Nutella. As a woman, I immediately turn to chocolate when I feel lonely. What is it about chocolate that makes me feel loved? Perhaps it's just the pure fact that chocolate is tasty and gives you nothing but love - love to your taste buds, love to your stomach, love to your mind... honestly, the goodness of chocolate is at most indescribable. It's just that delicious.
Eating my jar of Nutella really gets me thinking about my random feelings of loneliness. I must admit that this is the first time in a long time that I have felt legitimately lonely. I have learned that no matter how wonderful someone's life is, he or she can have moments of feeling lonely. Young people and older people are able to feel lonely. Single people can feel lonely, even if they are incredibly successful in their career and are surrounded by a loving family. Even people in relationships can feel lonely. The feeling that something is missing seems quite inevitable. No matter your situation, you always want something more. There is always something missing. But why?
Why do we insist on having pity parties when we are in our rooms by ourselves - when no one is around? Why do we want people to feel sorry for us when we feel at our lowest low? Why do we insist in our minds on fixing our loneliness, but sometimes just let it be? Whether you are in a relationship, just got out of a relationship, or are single, I want to let you know that you are not alone. You are not the only lonely person out there, which technically makes you not lonely (confusing, I know).
I really feel that being lonely is 99.9% about the mentality that you have. If you are a generally pessimistic person, your chances of feeling lonely are more likely to happen than for those that are quite optimistic. In my eyes, I see pessimistic people as mopers. People that mope around set themselves up for loneliness. Let's face it - if you're the type of person that sees negativity in almost everything, how are you going to attract anyone towards you? If people sense that you are pessimistic and mope around a lot, they probably will not want to hang out with you. So, Rule #1: Stop moping around. Get some optimism... somewhere. Do something you really enjoy. Hang out with some cool people. Go outside! The sun instantly gives you at least 80% of happiness.
If you are a generally optimistic person, you will have better chances of not feeling lonely, but there will still be some rough spots in life that will put you down in the dumps. As much as you want to sit in your room by yourself and listen to Frank Sinatra sing you words that a man in real life may never think of, DON'T DO IT. You really have to control your mind and make yourself put in the effort to surround yourself with people that will always love you for who you are. Hang out with your best friends, vent about your feelings, and watch a movie or have a nice dinner to get your mind away from your lonely mentality. If you keep yourself constantly busy (and I'm keeping myself busy right now by writing this particular blog), your feeling of loneliness will slowly disappear.
What about physical loneliness? Sometimes, all we want is a hug, a kiss, or something physical to absolve our empty feeling. However, does physical loneliness and purely emotional loneliness have some sort of connection? Do we all have to have physical touch to not feel lonely? Or do we just simply have to be around a person to fulfill our desires? I've never really thought about this, but I believe that each person is different when it comes to having emotional loneliness and physical loneliness. Some people absolutely despise physical touch, so when they're lonely, it's more emotional. Other people thrive on physical touch. If they can't have that, they fall downward. Some people are in the middle and feel both types of loneliness. I feel that I fall in the middle. If I don't have a little bit of both for some time, I feel like I'm missing something.
When I do feel like I'm missing those things, it almost turns into a dangerous game. I will catch myself latching on to people that show me some type of emotional and physical attention. I do have the power to stop myself, but man, holding myself back is extremely difficult at times. It's this thing of being loved, having attention, never being alone... which makes me think about the last blog entry I wrote: can anyone ever be truly and completely single? I've answered no, and I feel that I'm strongly confirming my answer.
I want to tell you differently. I want to tell you that you absolutely can fix your loneliness by just truly being alone. However, from my young 22 years of life, I honestly feel that everyone needs someone at all times. Whether it be a friend with benefits, a girlfriend, boyfriend, wife, husband... in order to permanently fix loneliness, you can't be alone. It's as simple as that.
Eating my jar of Nutella really gets me thinking about my random feelings of loneliness. I must admit that this is the first time in a long time that I have felt legitimately lonely. I have learned that no matter how wonderful someone's life is, he or she can have moments of feeling lonely. Young people and older people are able to feel lonely. Single people can feel lonely, even if they are incredibly successful in their career and are surrounded by a loving family. Even people in relationships can feel lonely. The feeling that something is missing seems quite inevitable. No matter your situation, you always want something more. There is always something missing. But why?
Why do we insist on having pity parties when we are in our rooms by ourselves - when no one is around? Why do we want people to feel sorry for us when we feel at our lowest low? Why do we insist in our minds on fixing our loneliness, but sometimes just let it be? Whether you are in a relationship, just got out of a relationship, or are single, I want to let you know that you are not alone. You are not the only lonely person out there, which technically makes you not lonely (confusing, I know).
I really feel that being lonely is 99.9% about the mentality that you have. If you are a generally pessimistic person, your chances of feeling lonely are more likely to happen than for those that are quite optimistic. In my eyes, I see pessimistic people as mopers. People that mope around set themselves up for loneliness. Let's face it - if you're the type of person that sees negativity in almost everything, how are you going to attract anyone towards you? If people sense that you are pessimistic and mope around a lot, they probably will not want to hang out with you. So, Rule #1: Stop moping around. Get some optimism... somewhere. Do something you really enjoy. Hang out with some cool people. Go outside! The sun instantly gives you at least 80% of happiness.
If you are a generally optimistic person, you will have better chances of not feeling lonely, but there will still be some rough spots in life that will put you down in the dumps. As much as you want to sit in your room by yourself and listen to Frank Sinatra sing you words that a man in real life may never think of, DON'T DO IT. You really have to control your mind and make yourself put in the effort to surround yourself with people that will always love you for who you are. Hang out with your best friends, vent about your feelings, and watch a movie or have a nice dinner to get your mind away from your lonely mentality. If you keep yourself constantly busy (and I'm keeping myself busy right now by writing this particular blog), your feeling of loneliness will slowly disappear.
What about physical loneliness? Sometimes, all we want is a hug, a kiss, or something physical to absolve our empty feeling. However, does physical loneliness and purely emotional loneliness have some sort of connection? Do we all have to have physical touch to not feel lonely? Or do we just simply have to be around a person to fulfill our desires? I've never really thought about this, but I believe that each person is different when it comes to having emotional loneliness and physical loneliness. Some people absolutely despise physical touch, so when they're lonely, it's more emotional. Other people thrive on physical touch. If they can't have that, they fall downward. Some people are in the middle and feel both types of loneliness. I feel that I fall in the middle. If I don't have a little bit of both for some time, I feel like I'm missing something.
When I do feel like I'm missing those things, it almost turns into a dangerous game. I will catch myself latching on to people that show me some type of emotional and physical attention. I do have the power to stop myself, but man, holding myself back is extremely difficult at times. It's this thing of being loved, having attention, never being alone... which makes me think about the last blog entry I wrote: can anyone ever be truly and completely single? I've answered no, and I feel that I'm strongly confirming my answer.
Although we may feel lonely and can temporarily fix that feeling by instilling ourselves with optimism, doing activities we enjoy, getting outside, and spending time with people we love, we will ALWAYS need to permanently fix it with a new love.As much as we distract ourselves from the reality of loneliness by investing our time in various activities, we can't completely erase this dark nook in our souls.
I want to tell you differently. I want to tell you that you absolutely can fix your loneliness by just truly being alone. However, from my young 22 years of life, I honestly feel that everyone needs someone at all times. Whether it be a friend with benefits, a girlfriend, boyfriend, wife, husband... in order to permanently fix loneliness, you can't be alone. It's as simple as that.
