Love and Commitment

I do believe that love is an act of commitment, that is to say that when someone is in love, he or she is fully engaging him or herself with another person both mentally and physically.  A good, one-word definition for commitment is "promise."  When two people are in love, a generally understood promise is made with each other.  There is a promise that each party will not offer this mental and physical love to someone else.  There is a promise that each party is with each other for a reason, and should there be any contest to that, then the relationship shouldn't even exist.  When I read this out loud, I realize that commitment sounds a little scary.  You know, I looked up the definition for commitment in the dictionary, and one of the definitions is, "consignment, as to prison."  Now, of course, this definition isn't meant to be applied to the subject of love, but the fact that that particular definition falls under the same word kind of threw me off.

I'm probably the last person that should say that I'm afraid of commitment.  However, in all honesty, after being in a serious relationship for three years, after making commitment mistakes in that relationship, and after all the pain and tears that have taken toll on my body, I am slowly realizing that I could possibly be scared to open my mind to the idea of being in a relationship again.  After being "committed" for so long, I feel that if I were to jump into another commitment, I might as well send myself to prison.

Here's a question I ask:  Do you think it's possible to love without being committed?  What if we all just loved freely - no jealousy, no commitments, no guilt, no getting comfortable with one particular person?  This idea really does sound like I'm a hard core, free-spirited hippie, but actually, it sounds kind of nice.

And then there is the BIG commitment - marriage.  But here's the thing - I feel like marriage is a good thing... I think.  For one, God commands it.  For another reason, it does show true commitment and deep, undying love.  Also, marriage is the general base for starting a family.  Who doesn't want to start a family?  Who doesn't want to have little mini-mes running around doing what you did when you were young?  That's exciting!  But... is that all marriage is?  No, absolutely not.  I don't really have a lot of experience with marriage, but from what I generally know and from what I have heard, marriage is a full-time job.  It takes a lot of work to coordinate with the one you married on so many levels.  You both have to be on the same level with EVERYTHING.  Otherwise, it just doesn't work out.  You both have to know what is going on with your finances, who you're hanging out with, what you're going to eat for dinner tonight, who is going to pick up the kids at what time... that sounds like a full-time job to me.  That's a little scary too.

Really, what point am I trying to make?  I can't convince everyone to become free-spirited, all-loving people.  I also can't convince everyone to marry at some point in their lives because it does provide some stability and the opportunity to have a family - to call something your own.  I can't point fingers at those that have been in long-term relationships for most of their lives, and I can't point fingers at those that have made commitment mistakes while in a relationship.

I suppose the point I'm trying to make is that everyone varies when it comes to the idea of commitment.  Some love it, some stray away from it.  Either path that one takes, there will be smiles, laughter, tears and pain.  As everything in life, there are positives and negatives.