My Blessings

Although I remind myself every day of what I am thankful for, today seems to be the designated day to express my true feelings about my blessings.  There are so many people that have influenced me along my 22 year path, but there are a few that are truly outstanding as I sit here and ponder.

I give thanks to my parents, who have always encouraged me to chase my dreams.  Whether I told them that my dream was to be a veterinarian or to work for the Atlanta Braves, they supported me through each endeavor and truly believed that I could achieve anything I wanted to.  Although they live far away in the foreign land of Nevada, they continue to applaud the decisions I make.  I am so thankful that they have given me life and show me nothing but love.

Aside from my parents, I give thanks to my loving family.  There is not a day that I doubt that I can count on any of my relatives for anything I may need.  I work hard for not only my own personal successes, but to make them proud of who I am.  They've given me all the support I could ever dream of, and the least I could do is succeed with the tools they have given me.

I am blessed to have a wonderful boyfriend.  The journey that we have taken together has been short so far, but I have honestly never learned so much about myself and about life than I have with him.  He opens my eyes to a world I've never known and truly wants to see me flourish in my career and personal life.

I am thankful for the friends that I have, both new and old.  My friends truly define my personality and are there for me through thick and thin.  They are the ones I have the most memorable times with.  They are the ones I laugh with when I go through old photos.  They are the ones I cry with when times are the toughest.  They are my support system and I don't know what I would do without them.

My parents, my family, my boyfriend and friends are the ones that keep me happy, healthy, and alive.  The words I write simply do not give justice to the joy I possess from having these fantastic people surround me.  Thank you all for being a part of this incredible journey.  Most importantly, I thank God for all that He has given me.

I love you all!

Self-Confidence and Standing Up for Yourself

We have been taught our entire lives to be nice to one another and to treat others the way that we would want to be treated.  We have showered copious amounts of love upon our friends and family, constructing groups of people that we trust and would do anything for.  Sometimes, however, there are people that step into our lives that teach us a very valuable lesson: We have to stand up for what we truly believe in.

It is difficult to live your life by tiptoeing around people's feelings, especially since the notion of being nice has been embedded in your brain by your parents and family.  Being nice is what you are used to.  Being cautious about hurting someone's feelings seems to be wired in your DNA.  You want everyone to like you.  You want to live in a perfect world where you don't have enemies and everyone is your best friend.

What will you do when someone does or says something that hurts you?  What will you do when people try to take advantage of you?  Like me, some people tend to treat that person the way they want to be treated.  They will smile, try to generate an understanding (or sometimes an excuse) of why that person did that, forgive, forget, and move on.  Other people may be forthright and speak what is on their mind (I've honestly been envious of those that can do this).

Many people care about what others think of them and are trapped in this mindset for years of their lives.  It seems that a majority of what we do and how we look is defined by what people think about us.  Through years of interactions with various people and subsequently defining your self-esteem and personality, you will find that worrying about what others think of you gradually vanishes.  I am by no means at this stage in my life, but I do find that it is getting easier with time.

Those that have this utmost self-confidence and a carefree attitude about what others think of them can truly stand up for themselves when someone does or says something hurtful.  This self-confidence and carefree attitude can only come from one source: yourself.  As I've written many times before, loving yourself is extremely vital for many aspects of relationships.  Once you have learned to love yourself, you are truly invincible.

Being nice is always favorable, but when someone wrongs you, there then comes a point in your life where you should realize who your true friends are.  You want to surround yourself with people that love you, celebrate your life, and support you in every endeavor and every failure.  If someone ever says or does something hurtful to you, you cannot let the problem linger.  You must immediately bring it up and try to resolve the issue.  I truly believe in the power of forgiveness, but if hurtful words or actions are recurring, you must stand up for yourself and move on with your life without that person.  It's hard to create an "enemy," but if you already have a wonderful support system of friends and family, what does an "enemy" matter?  No matter what happens with your interaction with this person, your true friends and family will back you up.

Standing up for myself is an issue that I struggle with daily, but I am certainly getting better at it with time.  At the end of the day, I can say that it is such a relief to see what a great support system I have.  It is also a relief to think of those that I have let out of my life because they have hurt me.  Getting rid of negativity in your life feels like a weight being lifted off of your shoulders.

SIDE NOTE:

I am a strong advocate for anti-bullying campaigns and truly feel that if there were more programs in schools to help people love themselves and learn how to stand up to these demeaning people, lives could be changed.  All this world needs is love, and for someone to take every step to shoot that down is really sickening.  People kill themselves over bullying, and it is all due to low self-esteem and a fear of standing up for oneself.  Please spread the word about this blog so that people can take a step toward eradicating this awful behavior.

You and Me

I see blank pages as wine in my cup,
Drinking it slowly, drinking its love.
And then I think of love I have,
Its angelic wings executing sad -
Sadness, tears, pain and blood,
All is cured with your incredible love.
And here I think of lifelong dreams,
In you I find my dreams are keen.
Keen, serene, and all in between,
You, my love, have all I need.
I conquer all with you in mind,
And pray that this is God's design.
Never I've felt so good and blithed
That you are a plan in my life.
Day by day I happily see
A haloed circle of you and me.
 

The Danger of Abusive Relationships

Based on true events

On one dark and starry night, I wake up to the voice of my crying relative [name and relationship anonymous].  I had thought it was her, but could not imagine why she would be at my house.  I lived four hours away from her and rarely saw her.  She had a seemingly great life - two boys, one girl from a previous marriage, happy current marriage.  Why would she be at my house at this hour?  I was a teenager in high school.  I was emotionally fragile, completely unaware that there were much greater evils outside of high school that existed.  I walked into the living room to confirm what I was hearing from my room.  There she was, with my dad, crying her eyes out, trying to communicate everything that she had just experienced.  She was trying to tell the truth of the recent events through the complexity of her discombobulated emotions.  She was pouring out seas of saltwater tears.  She had her two boys with her, who were completely quiet.  They were so young and completely unaware of the seriousness of the events that had just occurred.  "I was leaving with the boys and he tried to run over me.  He got in the car and tried to run over me."  That was all I needed to hear.  I immediately knew that my relative's husband had been abusive.

Every person on Earth is entitled to a loving, caring, and cultivating relationship.  Every person deserves to be treated with kindness, utmost respect, and have unconditional attention.  Unfortunately, there are predators that live in this world that take advantage of relationships and turn them into firey hell.  They act in complete selfishness and degrade their partner to make them feel better about their own lives.  Due to the fact that many of these predators have never been shown the love they needed in their lives from their family, friends, etc., they find other avenues to fill that emptiness.  Unfortunately, one of those avenues is mental and physical abuse in a relationship.

Although these people belittle or desecrate their significant others, some of their partners feel stuck in the relationship and "allow" this wrongdoing to happen.  No one wants to be in this situation.  No one wants an abusive relationship.  However, there are individuals in this world that don't love themselves enough to believe that they deserve nothing but the best.  They instantly fall for those that give them the slightest ounce of attention or love.  Once they are hooked to that person that appears to be the one that will give them all the love, kindness, and attention they need, it is difficult to break away.

Those in abusive relationships should not feel that they are the ones to blame.  They have done nothing wrong.  They simply saw what was presented to them, liked what they saw and felt during that time, and engaged in a relationship that turned mentally and/or physically abusive, due to no fault of their own.  It is extremely important to understand that those that instigate this type of mistreatment in a relationship are the ones that caused the pain.  Those receiving this pain are victims, not suspects.

I cannot express through these words how important it is to love yourself before committing to any type of relationship.  Those that have low self-esteem, are pessimistic, and feel that they don't deserve anything better than an abusive relationship are the ones that predators are more likely to go after because they are more vulnerable.  If you are in that state of vulnerability, it is easy to succumb to practically anything anyone tells you.  Please, if you have any self-esteem issues and are simply not happy with yourself, work on bettering this first.  You are more likely to feel stuck in an abusive relationship than those that have self-confidence.  Those that possess self-confidence, have a positive attitude, and want something more in their lives are more likely to empower themselves to run far away from the slightest sign of abuse.

If you are currently in an abusive relationship, there is still hope.  If you are in an abusive relationship where your partner has threatened you with harm if you told anyone about the relationship, THERE IS HOPE.  Although difficult, you must have a positive mindset and tell yourself that everything will be okay.  You must tell yourself that you deserve better than this.  You must contact the appropriate authorities and report this.  You must turn to your neighbor, a friend, or a family member.  My relative, as mentioned before, finally had enough and drove four hours to get away from her abusive relationship.  It was extremely challenging to follow through with this as she had children from the marriage, but she empowered herself and knew that there was something better out there for her and her children.

If you are lost and feel that you have no one to help you, there are organizations that help those in abusive relationships:

http://www.teensagainstabuse.org/index.php - Specifically for teenagers in abusive relationships

http://www.soarinri.org/get-info/learn-about-soar - Specifically for women

http://dahmw.org/ - Domestic Abuse Helpline for Men and Women

Remember, as I have said many, many times before.  It is EXTREMELY IMPORTANT to learn to love yourself before even thinking about seeking love in other places.  You will not only live a happier life after doing this, but you can also lower your risk of feeling stuck in an abusive relationship that you don't need to be in.

Another Chance

There is something in the simplicity and quietness of peace that makes me fall in love with just being.  The reason I enjoy Saturday and Sunday mornings so much is because I can wake up early without the disturbance of many people around me (it seems that most people sleep in on the weekends).  When I wake up, I feel this immediate burst of energy and am ready to begin each day with just me.

This Sunday morning, I love and appreciate life more than I ever have before.  I was in a near-death situation not long ago.  Although unfortunate that this happened, my eyes have been opened to the smallest, most miraculous things in life that I may have often overlooked.  The cup of coffee I have on my right side is slowly diminishing, rather than quickly as it would be during a busy work day.  I am careful and cautious to enjoy every single sip of that coffee and truly enjoy its taste.  This delicious cup of coffee truly makes me happy and puts me at peace.

How silly, you must think.  Drinking a cup of coffee more slowly than usual is a part of enjoying and appreciating life more.  But it is.  You see, when you take the time to understand everything that you eat, drink, see and do, you begin to appreciate your life more.  Taking your time with every day activities allows you time to formulate thoughts outside of the activity you are doing.  You think more philosophically, if you will, about your life and what is most important to you.  You have conversations with yourself through your thoughts.  You continue this process of figuring out who you are as a person.  You look at what you have to be grateful for.  You look at your past experiences and connect them with how you ended up at this very spot you are in right now.  Taking your time and thinking more in depth about what your daily life involves promotes self-awareness and more importantly, self-love.

As I am sure I have discussed before in this string of blogs, I advocate the thought that the more you love yourself, the better able you are to bestow that love upon others.  Therefore, if you take your time in life and develop a love for who you are as a person, and you embrace that, you will certainly appreciate and love those you have in your life more genuinely.  From what I have experienced in these two weeks after the near-fatal car accident, I have seen myself spending more time conversing and hanging out with the people I care about the most.  I have a developed a love for these special people that I've never had before.  I can view and appreciate the impact that they have had on my life, because they are the people that have helped shape me into who I am at this very moment.  They are my guardian angels, and I don't know what I would do without them.

I love my life and I love everyone that is involved.  I am incredibly grateful that I have been given another chance to live my life as I see fit.  I have been given another chance to wake up early on the weekends and enjoy the peace and quiet of the internal conversations I have with myself.  I have been given another chance to sip my coffee slowly and appreciate its aroma and taste.  I have been given another chance to share my thoughts with the world in this blog that started off as a mere project.  Most importantly, I have been given another chance to express my love and respect for those of you reading this - my family, my friends, and complete strangers who take the time to read this.  All I can say is thank you.

Love is Patient

I have turned from a girl drowning in the invisible dangers of a long-term, never-spend-time-apart relationship into this free-spirited woman that just goes with the flow and is perfectly satisfied without relational commitments. I have never been as joyous and grateful as I am now. I am independent, learning something new every day, and making valuable connections that influence both my personal and professional lives. I, Marla Yvonne Osti, am happy.

Most people spend their twenties dreaming of obtaining fairy tale love. They want to get married, have a big, poofy wedding dress, and have children that they can subtly brainwash to be exact duplicates of themselves. For most twenty-year olds, love should be now. Love should be raw steak - always tough, uncertain, and suspicious to begin with, but juicy and tasty after spending the perfect amount of time on the grill. If you keep that steak on the grill for too long, however, you will grind your teeth trying to chew through its dryness, disappointed in the tiresome effort you've made.

Some of those that marry in their twenties make it through their entire lives without divorce. Others do not. Looking at the amount of change that I've gone through in these mere two years of my twenties, I simply cannot imagine committing my life to someone else through marriage in the next seven to eight years. Time can only tell, but I still have a lot more room to change, grow, and learn. It is easier for me to change, grow, and learn while being single than while being in a relationship. In a relationship, I like to focus on making the relationship work. Therefore, I have my significant other always in mind. As a single woman, all I have to focus on is me.

I'm not like most twenty-year olds. I would much rather slow-roast love into my thirties rather than pop my heart in the microwave for two minutes. Love is meant to be patient. Why should I rush? I feel that the more experience one has with premarital love and relationships, the better his or her future marriage will be. Practice makes near-perfect. Why spend your time practicing in a way-too-soon committed marriage? Marriage is very serious, and divorce is painful and expensive. Enjoy the time you have to yourself right now. Being lonely is inevitable, but if you keep your cool and focus, continuing patience, your reward of true love and commitment will be far greater than you could ever imagine.

So You've Got the Case of the Lonelies...

I have never been so pensive while prodding my spoon through a jar of Nutella.  As a woman, I immediately turn to chocolate when I feel lonely.  What is it about chocolate that makes me feel loved?  Perhaps it's just the pure fact that chocolate is tasty and gives you nothing but love - love to your taste buds, love to your stomach, love to your mind... honestly, the goodness of chocolate is at most indescribable.  It's just that delicious.

Eating my jar of Nutella really gets me thinking about my random feelings of loneliness.  I must admit that this is the first time in a long time that I have felt legitimately lonely.  I have learned that no matter how wonderful someone's life is, he or she can have moments of feeling lonely.  Young people and older people are able to feel lonely.  Single people can feel lonely, even if they are incredibly successful in their career and are surrounded by a loving family.  Even people in relationships can feel lonely.  The feeling that something is missing seems quite inevitable.  No matter your situation, you always want something more.  There is always something missing.  But why?

Why do we insist on having pity parties when we are in our rooms by ourselves - when no one is around?  Why do we want people to feel sorry for us when we feel at our lowest low?  Why do we insist in our minds on fixing our loneliness, but sometimes just let it be?  Whether you are in a relationship, just got out of a relationship, or are single, I want to let you know that you are not alone.  You are not the only lonely person out there, which technically makes you not lonely (confusing, I know).

I really feel that being lonely is 99.9% about the mentality that you have.  If you are a generally pessimistic person, your chances of feeling lonely are more likely to happen than for those that are quite optimistic.  In my eyes, I see pessimistic people as mopers.  People that mope around set themselves up for loneliness.  Let's face it - if you're the type of person that sees negativity in almost everything, how are you going to attract anyone towards you?  If people sense that you are pessimistic and mope around a lot, they probably will not want to hang out with you.  So, Rule #1: Stop moping around.  Get some optimism... somewhere.  Do something you really enjoy.  Hang out with some cool people.  Go outside!  The sun instantly gives you at least 80% of happiness.

If you are a generally optimistic person, you will have better chances of not feeling lonely, but there will still be some rough spots in life that will put you down in the dumps.  As much as you want to sit in your room by yourself and listen to Frank Sinatra sing you words that a man in real life may never think of, DON'T DO IT.  You really have to control your mind and make yourself put in the effort to surround yourself with people that will always love you for who you are.  Hang out with your best friends, vent about your feelings, and watch a movie or have a nice dinner to get your mind away from your lonely mentality.  If you keep yourself constantly busy (and I'm keeping myself busy right now by writing this particular blog), your feeling of loneliness will slowly disappear.

What about physical loneliness?  Sometimes, all we want is a hug, a kiss, or something physical to absolve our empty feeling.  However, does physical loneliness and purely emotional loneliness have some sort of connection?  Do we all have to have physical touch to not feel lonely?  Or do we just simply have to be around a person to fulfill our desires?  I've never really thought about this, but I believe that each person is different when it comes to having emotional loneliness and physical loneliness.  Some people absolutely despise physical touch, so when they're lonely, it's more emotional.  Other people thrive on physical touch.  If they can't have that, they fall downward.  Some people are in the middle and feel both types of loneliness.  I feel that I fall in the middle.  If I don't have a little bit of both for some time, I feel like I'm missing something.

When I do feel like I'm missing those things, it almost turns into a dangerous game.  I will catch myself latching on to people that show me some type of emotional and physical attention.  I do have the power to stop myself, but man, holding myself back is extremely difficult at times.  It's this thing of being loved, having attention, never being alone... which makes me think about the last blog entry I wrote: can anyone ever be truly and completely single?  I've answered no, and I feel that I'm strongly confirming my answer.

Although we may feel lonely and can temporarily fix that feeling by instilling ourselves with optimism, doing activities we enjoy, getting outside, and spending time with people we love, we will ALWAYS need to permanently fix it with a new love.  

As much as we distract ourselves from the reality of loneliness by investing our time in various activities, we can't completely erase this dark nook in our souls.

I want to tell you differently.  I want to tell you that you absolutely can fix your loneliness by just truly being alone.  However, from my young 22 years of life, I honestly feel that everyone needs someone at all times.  Whether it be a friend with benefits, a girlfriend, boyfriend, wife, husband... in order to permanently fix loneliness, you can't be alone.  It's as simple as that.

How to Be Single

As I sit and drink my dark roast coffee at Starbucks, I wonder, "How possible is it to live life as a single person?"  I read the book Eat. Pray. Love. once and was taken on this journey with this woman that suffers from a terrible divorce and decides to travel and just live life as a single person.  She is challenged through yoga, meditation and practically no physical contact with the opposite sex for quite some time.  However, at the end of the book, she seems to "give in" to this really great guy that sweeps her off her feet.

This makes me think about several other questions, "How long should one wait after a relationship to begin dating again?"  "Is it really possible to not have any emotional involvement with anyone, even if you tell yourself that you are not going to get emotionally involved with anyone?"  "How single is single?" and "How seriously should you take dating?  Hell, how do you even do casual dating?"  Due to the fact that I am currently single, I ask myself these types of questions every day.  I don't necessarily stress out about it, but it presents me with a learning experience that I haven't quite had before.

You see, I've been in a relationship/semi-seriously dated someone since I was 17 years old.  The fact that I am not tied down to anyone is, yes, revitalizing and exciting, but at the same time, is...different.  I am so used to being comfortable with one person.  I am used to hanging out with only one person, telling all of my deep, dark secrets to one person, and practically deeming this one person as my absolute "bestest" friend.  The fact that I technically no longer have a "bestest" friend is very interesting, to say the least.  However, I must say that the relationships that I have with my friend friends (people I just hang out with on a normal basis), has developed stronger than ever before.  I confide in these lovely people and tell them everything about my life, exchanging advice, laughter and stories over delicious dinners and wonderful wine.  Perhaps this is one of the absolute best things about being single.  I can have better relationships with the people that I care deeply about - the people that I know for a fact that will never leave my side.

So, how long should you wait after ending a relationship before "seeing" other people?  Well, I told myself that this is the year of ME and that I would only focus on ME.  I even told myself that I would not get emotionally involved with another guy at all this year.  Oh, but it is so hard!  I think I have come to the conclusion that all humans are naturally social creatures, so to live life without any sort of emotional involvement, especially for a whole frickin' entire year, is completely unfeasible.  Just not possible.  There is always going to be someone that you are somewhat interested in, want to go on a date with, want to kiss... every single one of those actions have some sort of emotional aspect.  Even if you are traveling to an entirely different country, much like the character in Eat. Pray. Love., you're going to meet an interesting person that you will have some interest for (I also know this from experience).  I know you want to hear that it is possible, but from my experience so far, I can't tell you that.  Perhaps if you're shipped away to a deserted island, then I guess you would be forced to live that way, but then you would eventually suffer from insanity... 

I suppose what I am also trying to say is that you really should not be afraid to move on quickly.  It honestly seems normal to me.  There will always be a part of you that still loves the person that you were in a relationship with, but that shouldn't hinder you from moving on.  You don't have to jump right into a serious relationship, but you can casually date.  And that brings us to another topic: how do you casually date?  Begin with just going on dates.  You can have dinner, go to a movie, go bowling... whatever your little heart desires.  Have casual conversations, get to know some new people, and remember that you shouldn't take it too seriously.  You're just having fun.  There may be a person that you could actually see yourself in a relationship with, but don't jump right in.  Give it some time.  I truly believe that casual dating is a learning experience.  I feel that the more people you date, the more you learn about yourself and what you like or dislike in a person.  Think of casual dating as a positive thing.  There should be no strings attached and you shouldn't take it too seriously.  This should be fun.

Although you will embark on your adventure of casual dating, there is a slight downfall to this whole "no strings attached" deal, and this depends on how jealous of a person you are.  If you are an extremely jealous person and want one particular person all to yourself, casual dating could be very hard for you.  Casual dating usually means that you can go on dates with more than one person.  You just have to keep in mind that you are in the same boat as this person and that the fact that both of you are casually dating should not spark any form of jealousy.  You have to respect the fact that the other person is not ready for a serious relationship.

If you ever find yourself "falling" for a person during casual dating right after a relationship, try to stop yourself.  You have to constantly remind yourself that at the moment, you are focused on you.  You also have to keep telling yourself that you are not ready to be "tied down" again.  Remind yourself of all the wonderful things that you can do without being in a relationship.  You can travel, you can move, you can "see" whoever you want to, and you are the only one that makes your rules.  Being single is quite a wonderful thing if you keep reminding yourself of those things.

Another issue that I should discuss in regards to being single is how you communicate with your ex.  If you are still communicating with your ex or have any form of contact with him/her, being single and casually dating will be practically impossible for you.  However, each case is different.  This all depends on how serious of a relationship you had with your ex.  If you dated your ex for, let's say a month, and the relationship was not that serious, then you can probably both keep in contact with each other with no feelings attached.  Being single and casually dating would be much easier in this case.

However, if you dated your ex for a significant amount of time, perhaps for a year, then there was obviously a lot more emotional involvement there.  If you dated someone for that long, you have to cut off all contact with him/her before being truly single and casually dating.  If you are still communicating with your ex that you truly loved, there are clearly still feelings there, which means you absolutely cannot move on unless you just cut all forms of communication with him/her.  Block him/her from Facebook, Twitter, Foursquare... EVERYTHING.  If you block this person from all of these forms of communication, there is no possible way that he/she will be able to know what you are doing, thus eliminating any hostile jealousy.  As difficult as this process is, it is absolutely necessary for you to move on.

Being single and casually dating is a lot of fun.  I truly believe that if you pursue this lifestyle carefully with the mentality that you are participating in a learning experience, it can be extremely beneficial for your mental health (and probably for your physical health too).  You really have to constantly remind yourself that you are doing this for you and no one else.

The End and The Beginning

This is hard.  I've always been the person to be broken up with, but this time, I was the one that took the upper hand.  I feel like a villain and an enemy.  I feel like I question myself over and over again, doubts swirling viciously through my nerves.  I can feel guilt stabbing me repeatedly, making sure I slowly bleed to death.  I tear up and then I smile.  I become that annoying pessimistic person and then snap, throwing myself in to a big, bright ray of optimistic sunshine.  What is wrong with me?  If I wasn't "normal," I would be diagnosed with some form of bipolar disorder.  Love just...makes you crazy.

What are other people thinking right now?  Why do I even care about what other people are thinking right now? I know they all want to know why.  Why? Why did you do it?  "Marla, there was nothing wrong with him."  Yes, I know, but at the moment, you really need to focus on YOU.  You have too many personal problems that are stressing you out and bogging you down.  You need to be by yourself, fix your problems and THEN maybe you can think about taking your chance with love again.  To be honest with you all, I have not been completely by myself and not involved in some other guy's life since 2007. 2007. That is 5 years ago. 5 years.  Sure, I've loved, been brokenhearted, made some mistakes, learned from those mistakes and have become a better, wiser individual because of that, but don't I deserve a break from love?  I can still write about love and perhaps share my stories with you as a single woman, but I really need to be fully involved with improving myself this year.

2012 is the year of ME.  I have procrastinated on many things, said that I would do a lot of things and never followed through, been hard on myself for not achieving perfection in many aspects of life, not been true to myself... the list of gloom never ends.  However, it is time for me to rise above the hurt of love and jump into the sea of me.  That rhymed... I should put that into a song?

Anyways, I don't think I would have ever gotten to where I am right now if it wasn't for all of you wonderful and lovely people that continue to read my blog.  Every time I look at the numbers of people that read this blog (which started off as a mere "project"), my eyes light up and I become the happiest girl in the world.

I not only appreciate my readers, but I also appreciate my friends that are so dear and close to me.  You're my world.  I have had so many meaningful, intellectual and productive conversations in the past couple of weeks with my friends.  It really opens my eyes and makes me feel like a brand new person with new, exciting ideas and thoughts in my mind.  My family is also extremely supportive.  The first person that called me after this break-up incident was my dad, making sure that I was doing okay.

Although this is the end of a good love lost, this is only the beginning of an exciting and solo adventure.  Bring it on, world!

In Memory of Erik Downes

It has been one full year since my dear friend, Erik Downes, has passed away. It's amazing how fast time flies by, especially when you don't pay any attention to the passing days, and then all of a sudden remember a specific date. Erik was such an incredible person. He was very strong in his faith in God and treated everyone he encountered with love and pure compassion. Heaven has certainly gained an angel. In memory of this amazing man, I'd like to share a poem that Erik wrote. It's one of my favorites:

It all began with birth by sleep
when all was well within their hearts.
Though few took mind into the deep
desires creeping within his arts.

Names now differ and times have changed,
but still the struggle wages within
the organ's two-fold meaning mazed:
a battleground for fate to win.

A world of darkness graced with few lights
who seek to spread and share good will
are faced with every wicked plight
to achieve life's goods whilst using ill.

Though chasers now do run their course,
"I hear I w's 'nsem" cleansed will endorse.