This is hard. I've always been the person to be broken up with, but this time, I was the one that took the upper hand. I feel like a villain and an enemy. I feel like I question myself over and over again, doubts swirling viciously through my nerves. I can feel guilt stabbing me repeatedly, making sure I slowly bleed to death. I tear up and then I smile. I become that annoying pessimistic person and then snap, throwing myself in to a big, bright ray of optimistic sunshine. What is wrong with me? If I wasn't "normal," I would be diagnosed with some form of bipolar disorder. Love just...makes you crazy.
What are other people thinking right now? Why do I even care about what other people are thinking right now? I know they all want to know why. Why? Why did you do it? "Marla, there was nothing wrong with him." Yes, I know, but at the moment, you really need to focus on YOU. You have too many personal problems that are stressing you out and bogging you down. You need to be by yourself, fix your problems and THEN maybe you can think about taking your chance with love again. To be honest with you all, I have not been completely by myself and not involved in some other guy's life since 2007. 2007. That is 5 years ago. 5 years. Sure, I've loved, been brokenhearted, made some mistakes, learned from those mistakes and have become a better, wiser individual because of that, but don't I deserve a break from love? I can still write about love and perhaps share my stories with you as a single woman, but I really need to be fully involved with improving myself this year.
2012 is the year of ME. I have procrastinated on many things, said that I would do a lot of things and never followed through, been hard on myself for not achieving perfection in many aspects of life, not been true to myself... the list of gloom never ends. However, it is time for me to rise above the hurt of love and jump into the sea of me. That rhymed... I should put that into a song?
Anyways, I don't think I would have ever gotten to where I am right now if it wasn't for all of you wonderful and lovely people that continue to read my blog. Every time I look at the numbers of people that read this blog (which started off as a mere "project"), my eyes light up and I become the happiest girl in the world.
I not only appreciate my readers, but I also appreciate my friends that are so dear and close to me. You're my world. I have had so many meaningful, intellectual and productive conversations in the past couple of weeks with my friends. It really opens my eyes and makes me feel like a brand new person with new, exciting ideas and thoughts in my mind. My family is also extremely supportive. The first person that called me after this break-up incident was my dad, making sure that I was doing okay.
Although this is the end of a good love lost, this is only the beginning of an exciting and solo adventure. Bring it on, world!
What are other people thinking right now? Why do I even care about what other people are thinking right now? I know they all want to know why. Why? Why did you do it? "Marla, there was nothing wrong with him." Yes, I know, but at the moment, you really need to focus on YOU. You have too many personal problems that are stressing you out and bogging you down. You need to be by yourself, fix your problems and THEN maybe you can think about taking your chance with love again. To be honest with you all, I have not been completely by myself and not involved in some other guy's life since 2007. 2007. That is 5 years ago. 5 years. Sure, I've loved, been brokenhearted, made some mistakes, learned from those mistakes and have become a better, wiser individual because of that, but don't I deserve a break from love? I can still write about love and perhaps share my stories with you as a single woman, but I really need to be fully involved with improving myself this year.
2012 is the year of ME. I have procrastinated on many things, said that I would do a lot of things and never followed through, been hard on myself for not achieving perfection in many aspects of life, not been true to myself... the list of gloom never ends. However, it is time for me to rise above the hurt of love and jump into the sea of me. That rhymed... I should put that into a song?
Anyways, I don't think I would have ever gotten to where I am right now if it wasn't for all of you wonderful and lovely people that continue to read my blog. Every time I look at the numbers of people that read this blog (which started off as a mere "project"), my eyes light up and I become the happiest girl in the world.
I not only appreciate my readers, but I also appreciate my friends that are so dear and close to me. You're my world. I have had so many meaningful, intellectual and productive conversations in the past couple of weeks with my friends. It really opens my eyes and makes me feel like a brand new person with new, exciting ideas and thoughts in my mind. My family is also extremely supportive. The first person that called me after this break-up incident was my dad, making sure that I was doing okay.
Although this is the end of a good love lost, this is only the beginning of an exciting and solo adventure. Bring it on, world!
_Oh the places we will go_ could just have been _Oh the things that we will learn_. Good luck on your adventure :) Life has a funny way of working out.
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