On September 11, 2011, in the midst of reading articles focused on the 10 year anniversary of 9/11, I stumbled across an article about a Georgia native and former president of the United States, Jimmy Carter. In this wonderfully written article, President Carter's marriage with his wife Rosalynn was discussed. As a couple married since 1946, it is quite bizarre, especially in today's plentifully divorced United States, to imagine that they have been married for approximately 65 years. The writer asks how in the world they managed this seemingly unbearable task, and Mrs. Carter says, "We give each other space."
Although most definitions of love weigh heavily on the concept of togetherness, including similarities and good chemistry between each other, it is also important to remember that in love, space is just as essential. I am writing on this topic because I have experienced this very issue in a previous long-lasting relationship. Looking back, I can see that my ex and I never really gave each other space. After some time, it seemed that we literally molded into one person. When we tried to spend any time apart, I felt like I never knew what to do; I felt incredibly bored.
Love becomes extremely poisonous if you overdo it. Perhaps this is the reason that many people consider love a drug. It's incredibly addictive and if you overdose, you get in big trouble. When you overdose on love, you feel like you have somewhat lost yourself. In fact, have you ever wondered if there was rehab for those that have fallen victim to love? I guess that's why psychologists and marriage counselors exist.
The scary part about spending too much time with your significant other is that you don't even know that you are digging yourself into a deep, dark hole. First you start by seeing each other every single day, because, quite frankly, you love him or her and you want to spend time with him or her. After seeing each other every day for a period of time, you start to do absolutely everything together. At first, it's all fun and games, but be careful my friends, because then you will find yourself living a lifestyle where you literally cannot do anything without this person. You will start to blow off your friends to spend time with your boyfriend or girlfriend. After the many times that you ditch your friends, those friends will begin to lose trust in your once flourishing integrity. Some of them will run away from you, straying from your side. In extreme situations, some of those friends may even leave you permanently.
When you spend so much time with one person, it seems that the only relationship that you have is with your significant other. Even when your friends stick around and try to tell you that the relationship you are in is poisonous, you will not listen to them. When you fall dangerously in love, the only people you want to listen to are yourself and your significant other. In addition to your uncharacteristic stubbornness, your emotions are extremely fragile. What wouldn't normally bother you suddenly becomes problematic. You literally become a different person.
Here are some suggestions to keep your relationship healthy by giving each other space:
Although most definitions of love weigh heavily on the concept of togetherness, including similarities and good chemistry between each other, it is also important to remember that in love, space is just as essential. I am writing on this topic because I have experienced this very issue in a previous long-lasting relationship. Looking back, I can see that my ex and I never really gave each other space. After some time, it seemed that we literally molded into one person. When we tried to spend any time apart, I felt like I never knew what to do; I felt incredibly bored.
Love becomes extremely poisonous if you overdo it. Perhaps this is the reason that many people consider love a drug. It's incredibly addictive and if you overdose, you get in big trouble. When you overdose on love, you feel like you have somewhat lost yourself. In fact, have you ever wondered if there was rehab for those that have fallen victim to love? I guess that's why psychologists and marriage counselors exist.
The scary part about spending too much time with your significant other is that you don't even know that you are digging yourself into a deep, dark hole. First you start by seeing each other every single day, because, quite frankly, you love him or her and you want to spend time with him or her. After seeing each other every day for a period of time, you start to do absolutely everything together. At first, it's all fun and games, but be careful my friends, because then you will find yourself living a lifestyle where you literally cannot do anything without this person. You will start to blow off your friends to spend time with your boyfriend or girlfriend. After the many times that you ditch your friends, those friends will begin to lose trust in your once flourishing integrity. Some of them will run away from you, straying from your side. In extreme situations, some of those friends may even leave you permanently.
When you spend so much time with one person, it seems that the only relationship that you have is with your significant other. Even when your friends stick around and try to tell you that the relationship you are in is poisonous, you will not listen to them. When you fall dangerously in love, the only people you want to listen to are yourself and your significant other. In addition to your uncharacteristic stubbornness, your emotions are extremely fragile. What wouldn't normally bother you suddenly becomes problematic. You literally become a different person.
Here are some suggestions to keep your relationship healthy by giving each other space:
- Agree to see each other only a few times a week, not every day. You can even pick days of the week. Over time, the days won't be as specific, but the habit of giving yourself a few days off will be much easier.
- Keep doing things that you enjoy. Whether you play a musical instrument or enjoy watching ESPN, be sure to continue doing the things that make you happy. If you can make yourself happy, you won't depend on your significant other to make you happy.
- Discipline yourself to take care of your own things financially. Even if you go out to a restaurant together as a couple, I feel that it is best to split the bill. If you continue to do this, you will depend less on your significant other and have a more independent state of mind.
- Stay in touch with your family. If you are spending a majority of time with your significant other, you may even start to forget about your family. Give them a phone call at least once a week to catch up with them to tell them you love them. When you are in touch with your family, this gives your mind some time to take a break from your relationship.
- Let your significant other do the things that is important to him or her without any intrusion. Whether your significant other works a full-time job or is a full-time student, leave him or her alone and let he or she focus on what needs to get done. If you insist on distracting him or her from necessary work, you'll end up hurting not only that person, but yourself as well.
We all want to be Jimmy and Rosalynn Carter. We all want to find someone we truly and deeply love and spend our lives with that person. Many people freak out at the thought of spending an entire life with one person. However, if you can control yourself and let one another have the space that is needed, being married for 65 years will be as easy as boiling water.
Listen to your close friends when they tell you that they think you are spending too much time with your significant other. Find the power within yourself to control your relationship and not let it get out of hand. Give each other space, and you will find yourself in a very happy, long-lasting relationship.
[Link to the Jimmy Carter article: http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2011/sep/11/president-jimmy-carter-interview]
