My Year in Love

My year began with love.  On January 1, 2011, my boyfriend and I decided to begin dating, and no, we didn't make the decision on that day just so that it would be easy to remember.  His quirky, goofy and gentlemanly self had me thrown into a whirlwind of fun and new experiences.  We've hiked up mountains, made talking chin videos and became addicted to the T.V. show Glee (for me it was all over again).  Through all that we've done together, I've developed a love for someone that truly knows how to be himself.

On January 4, 2011, I lost a dear friend to mother nature's seemingly evil demeanor.  It has been a long time since I've been so heart-broken.  I was heart-broken in 2010, but that just did not compare to the pain I felt when my friend passed away.  The pain was radiating from wall to wall within my soul and of those at my Alma Mater.  Although that pain was prominent, a strong love and bond between students, faculty, staff and alumni of Oglethorpe University established.  Everyone supported each other, no matter their relationship, and I then realized just how much I love the college I attended.  I realized that even in the presence of death, love exists and proves timeless.  Even today, I glance at my friend's Facebook profile with the desire to not only remember his amazing personality and aura, but to also remember the time when everyone loved each other in the midst of tragedy.

On February 24, 2011, I celebrated my 21st birthday.  My sister drove to Atlanta from Tennessee to spend time with me that weekend.  Although we practically drowned in many "adult beverages," I managed to think about the fact that I really miss living close to my family.  I remembered how much love I have for them and how guilty I feel for being so far away.

Soon after my birthday, I began my job as an Immigration Paralegal at The Fogle Law Firm, LLC.  At first, I was skeptical about working there since my previous experience with immigration law was not quite as pleasant.  However, after about 10 months of working there, I can honestly say that I have gained so much experience in not only immigration law, but also with customer service, various cultures, and standing up for myself.  No matter how crazy some clients may be, I've learned that I cannot let them run me over.  I've got to take care of myself, love myself, and save my sanity by saying/doing what I feel is right.  I can't succumb to the crazies that think they can do and say whatever they want.  I've also met some incredible people that work with me at the law firm.  I love them very much and sometimes, I just don't know what I'd do without them.

Sometime in March, my father almost died while having a routine knee replacement surgery.  A piece of fatty tissue passed through his heart, and the doctors were able to bring him back.  On the phone, my aunt explained to me that everything was okay and that my dad was fine, but since I witnessed my dad go through open heart surgery in 2006, I just couldn't fathom the fact that I was in Atlanta while he was in Reno, Nevada during this whole incident.  I took a flight to Nevada the next day, because I realized that I love my dad too much to just let him recover without me there to help him and my mom.  Although his usual stubborn self wanted to walk around on an unfinished knee, I had to be there because I love my parents and I want them to be okay.  They have given me all that they can, and as a result, I'm on my way to success.

In June, I joined a gym all thanks to a bucket list I made.  On the bucket list, one of the items was, "Take boxing classes."  After doing a little research, I attended a free boxing class at X3 Sports and signed up right away.  I have grown to love boxing SO much.  Through taking these classes, I've also learned that I need to show love for myself by partaking in daily/weekly exercise.  I feel better both physically and mentally.

In October, I got screwed over by someone that I trusted a lot.  I was almost left without a place to live.  Through a lot of support by friends and family, however, I was able to get back on my feet and live life normally again.  I've learned that no matter how much you think you know someone, you cannot instill all your trust in someone.  One of my best friends moved out of state because of this situation, and it really broke my heart.  Sometimes you have to be selective with those you trust, even if you're a very nice person.

In December, I made a big decision to stop drinking.  I don't really drink that much to begin with, and I do love wine, but I've decided that I really want to take care of my health and prove to myself (and others too, if they're willing to listen) that life as a sober person is much more enjoyable than a life with a few drinks.  During my freshman year of college, I didn't drink at all, and I had SO MUCH ENERGY.  After about one month of not having a drink, I can already tell the difference.  I'll stay up later at night and wake up early in the morning and just feel like a brand new person.  As a sober person, I can appreciate the small things in life much more.  I've never felt as good as I do now.  I believe it has made me less pessimistic as well.

During 2011, I've attended Buckhead Church quite regularly.  I also joined a small Bible study group with a very close friend of mine.  This year has been one of the most spiritual years of my life, and I couldn't be happier.  I really feel that my relationship with God and my love for Him has grown a lot stronger this year, not only because of my regular church and Bible study attendance, but also because no matter what negativity has been thrown my way, I pray about it and am instantly reminded that everything will be okay.  I am more at peace and feel no need to stress out about things that I once used to have panic attacks over.

And here I am - sitting, thinking, and reflecting on all of my experiences with love in 2011.  It seems that I've decided to take care of myself and love myself more than sharing love with others, but in all reality, when all else is gone, who else will you have?  Here's to a brand new year with more experiences in love.  Happy 2012, my friends!

Give Each Other Space

On September 11, 2011, in the midst of reading articles focused on the 10 year anniversary of 9/11, I stumbled across an article about a Georgia native and former president of the United States, Jimmy Carter.  In this wonderfully written article, President Carter's marriage with his wife Rosalynn was discussed.  As a couple married since 1946, it is quite bizarre, especially in today's plentifully divorced United States, to imagine that they have been married for approximately 65 years.  The writer asks how in the world they managed this seemingly unbearable task, and Mrs. Carter says, "We give each other space."

Although most definitions of love weigh heavily on the concept of togetherness, including similarities and good chemistry between each other, it is also important to remember that in love, space is just as essential.  I am writing on this topic because I have experienced this very issue in a previous long-lasting relationship.  Looking back, I can see that my ex and I never really gave each other space.  After some time, it seemed that we literally molded into one person.  When we tried to spend any time apart, I felt like I never knew what to do; I felt incredibly bored.

Love becomes extremely poisonous if you overdo it.  Perhaps this is the reason that many people consider love a drug.  It's incredibly addictive and if you overdose, you get in big trouble.  When you overdose on love, you feel like you have somewhat lost yourself.  In fact, have you ever wondered if there was rehab for those that have fallen victim to love?  I guess that's why psychologists and marriage counselors exist.

The scary part about spending too much time with your significant other is that you don't even know that you are digging yourself into a deep, dark hole.  First you start by seeing each other every single day, because, quite frankly, you love him or her and you want to spend time with him or her.  After seeing each other every day for a period of time, you start to do absolutely everything together.  At first, it's all fun and games, but be careful my friends, because then you will find yourself living a lifestyle where you literally cannot do anything without this person.  You will start to blow off your friends to spend time with your boyfriend or girlfriend.  After the many times that you ditch your friends, those friends will begin to lose trust in your once flourishing integrity.  Some of them will run away from you, straying from your side.  In extreme situations, some of those friends may even leave you permanently.

When you spend so much time with one person, it seems that the only relationship that you have is with your significant other.  Even when your friends stick around and try to tell you that the relationship you are in is poisonous, you will not listen to them.  When you fall dangerously in love, the only people you want to listen to are yourself and your significant other.  In addition to your uncharacteristic stubbornness, your emotions are extremely fragile.  What wouldn't normally bother you suddenly becomes problematic.  You literally become a different person.

Here are some suggestions to keep your relationship healthy by giving each other space:

1. Agree to see each other only a few times a week, not every day.  You can even pick days of the week.  Over time, the days won't be as specific, but the habit of giving yourself a few days off will be much easier.
2. Keep doing things that you enjoy.  Whether you play a musical instrument or enjoy watching ESPN, be sure to continue doing the things that make you happy.  If you can make yourself happy, you won't depend on your significant other to make you happy.
3. Discipline yourself to take care of your own things financially.  Even if you go out to a restaurant together as a couple, I feel that it is best to split the bill.  If you continue to do this, you will depend less on your significant other and have a more independent state of mind.
4. Stay in touch with your family.  If you are spending a majority of time with your significant other, you may even start to forget about your family.  Give them a phone call at least once a week to catch up with them to tell them you love them.  When you are in touch with your family, this gives your mind some time to take a break from your relationship.
5. Let your significant other do the things that is important to him or her without any intrusion.  Whether your significant other works a full-time job or is a full-time student, leave him or her alone and let he or she focus on what needs to get done.  If you insist on distracting him or her from necessary work, you'll end up hurting not only that person, but yourself as well.

We all want to be Jimmy and Rosalynn Carter.  We all want to find someone we truly and deeply love and spend our lives with that person.  Many people freak out at the thought of spending an entire life with one person.  However, if you can control yourself and let one another have the space that is needed, being married for 65 years will be as easy as boiling water.

Listen to your close friends when they tell you that they think you are spending too much time with your significant other.  Find the power within yourself to control your relationship and not let it get out of hand.  Give each other space, and you will find yourself in a very happy, long-lasting relationship.

[Link to the Jimmy Carter article: http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2011/sep/11/president-jimmy-carter-interview]

Communicate Your Love Effectively

In our ever-changing and rapidly growing world, communication has broadened its horizons beyond belief.  We find ourselves bouncing among signals from cell phone towers, rubbing our eyes after "Facebooking" for hours, and encountering the occasional face-to-face conversations over delicious dinners.  However, as globalization explodes and the ability to communicate with people across the world becomes much easier, there are still individuals that have a problem effectively communicating with those they are interested in, care about, and love.

Perhaps the lack of effective communication from one person to another is due to insecurities.  Just as we witness in movies about high school, the shy boy always seems to hide his feelings about someone he likes.  Rather than communicating his feelings, he may just keep them bottled up inside.  If he becomes a tad bit bolder and wants to tell this person that he likes her, he may upgrade his communication to a handwritten letter from a "secret admirer."  The more confident a person is, the more effective his or her communication.

Poor communication can lead to frustration for both parties.  The shy person will fall victim to defeat because he or she can't get what he or she wants, all because the other person has no clue that there is some form of attraction.  The other person will get frustrated because he or she can't "figure out" this person and will always wonder why he or she keeps staring and gawking without saying a word.

Faulty communication does not solely lie in one's quietness.  Those that rely on only texting and social networking as their prime sources of communication with interests and loved ones also lack in the communication department.  Although not willing to communicate face-to-face can show that someone has insecurities, it can also prove that this particular person is not interested in pursuing a genuine relationship with you.  Granted, there are circumstances where these means of communication are the only means available (for example, if people are trying to communicate between different countries, etc.), but for a person that is using these sources of communication for their close-in-proximity friends and family, it seems that there may be a slight problem.

I once had an experience with someone that texted much more interesting things than what he said to me in person.  As much as I enjoyed this person's thoughts and ideas, he never expressed them verbally.  The more that this happened, the more disinterested I became.  I quickly realized that I couldn't develop a long-lasting relationship with this individual because I became very dissatisfied that he could barely talk to me in person.  In my opinion, the less communicative a person is directly, the more boring the relationship (friendly or lovey-dovey) becomes.

Although some individuals are shy, some show his or her colors as social butterflies.  However, if this friendly person becomes too loquacious through means of texting or social networking, signs of a clingyness (or annoyingness) could show.  We love keeping in touch with our friends and family through any way possible, but if you get upset for our failure to text or send you some sort of message back within five minutes, we may have a problem.  Please see my blog post entitled "Being Clingy Will Not Bring You Closer to True Love."


The key to effective communication between any two individuals, whether attracted to each other or just friends or family, is complete and total honesty.  If you are honest in your communication, you will be respected and viewed as an honest person.  Being honest makes you 100% more attractive than you think you already are.

Also, I believe that there is nothing more honest than a face-to-face conversation.  If conversations were only held online and from phone-to-phone, one of the key components of communication, body language, is lost.  Double meanings of words start to emerge and a wide variety of assumptions are made.  If you really care about someone and want to develop a meaningful relationship with him or her, just make the effort to have a heartfelt conversation with him or her.

Although globalization increases efficiency in our busy lives, I feel that it is important to drop your phone, turn off your computer, and spend a little quality time with those you care about.  I dare you to take this challenge and see how many relationships you strengthen because of this.

Support Equals Love

There is nothing like having a conversation with your wise and love-filled grandmother.  I called my grandmother today and realized that she supports me very much in every aspect of my life.  She also makes me realize things about myself that are hidden beneath the surface of my constantly working mind.  Today, my grandmother told me this same exact thing, "Marla, you've changed your mind so many times about what you want to do in life."  In my head, I thought to myself, "Well, ain't that the truth."  And then she continued, "You have always been a marvelous writer.  I always told you that you should do journalism or something.  Just write."

This statement made me sit and ponder about my life and how I got to this very blog page that I am typing on.  No matter what point I am at in my life, I turn to writing for everything - for anger, for stress, for happiness, for love...  However, if it wasn't for the support of my family, friends, and a handful of unknown people, I may not keep up with this blog as much as I should.  Without the support of these special people in my life, I would not be able to keep my sanity.  My life would be a whirlwind of uncertainty and possibly low self-esteem.  Without any support of any aspect in my life, I would feel unloved.  Without love, no life can flourish properly.

I feel that support plays its part in many aspects of our lives.  Just as love so inconspicuously hides within the crevices of every breath we take, support lives nearby.  We see failed marriages due to the loss of support of one another, or in some cases, the lack of support from friends, family, or even a never-hired therapist.  We see teenagers and college students break down and cry pools of tears as they lay in bed, all due to the support they never received from their fathers and mothers, the neglected support by school bullies, or the support-deficient friends that tend to drown in their own selfishness.  We see the elderly and the wise feel lonely and unloved, all because it seems that there is no support left - that their children and grandchildren are "too caught up" in their busy lives.

Having support from friends, family, significant others and even strangers means all the difference between feeling loved and not feeling loved at all.  I believe that love and support also exist as cycles.  If you bestow your love and support upon a particular person, it is more likely that he or she will show that same love and support to someone else.  Each person then passes this to another.  The golden rule secretly intertwines with these elements of love and support and the world automatically seems like a much happier place.

With support, it seems that every person is affirmed that he or she is doing well in life.  When someone is aware of the fact that he or she is, in fact, successful in life, that individual will strive to continue pushing in forward in life, showing his or her love and support along the way.  I see the support that my grandmother, my friends and all of my blog-readers are showing me, and I see just how important support is.  All of your support makes me feel loved and encourages me to continue what I am doing.

If you know someone that lacks support in their life, offer yours.  If you decide to stick with this person through their entire journey of life, or if you solely decide to offer a few words of encouragement, your support for this person will lighten their world.  If you are a person that is deprived of support, do not lose hope.  If you are not receiving support from family or friends, as much as you think you might be embarrassed to do it, there are people that give unbiased support and advice through churches, non-profit organizations, or other organizations.  I will admit that I have seen a therapist before a couple of years ago, and it was the best decision that I have made in my life.  I felt very comfortable as this person was completely unbiased and her advice and support helped me greatly.

If support is present, love is near.  When love is near, life seems complete as it seems that love is what everyone looks for in life.

Your Ex's Friends

Breaking up is painful, but losing the mass of friendships that you've had with your significant other's friends seems even worse.  You have built a network of friends from this relationship in which you have invested an abundance of time, but when the break-up occurs, it seems that all of those trustworthy and fun friends vanish into darkness along with the happiness that you once felt.

The mere acquaintances that you have met through dating your ex seem to be the ones that disappear the quickest.  You've met these people once or twice, have really started to grow to enjoy their company, and then when your relationship is over, they turn into your Facebook friends, but will never be your real friends.  You have this desire to get to know them better, but you know that the barrier of your no longer present relationship will always awkwardly separate you.

There are also situations where those mere acquaintances turn into full-blown friendships.  This is a rare occasion, but it is absolutely possible.  Perhaps one party or the other decides to forget the fact that a relationship is no longer existent and then decides to pursue a genuine friendship.  Don't we all wish that this could happen more often?  The amount of friends that we would have - the amount of people that we could instill our trust in - would be seemingly innumerable.

Perhaps one of the most unfortunate positions to be in after a relationship is cutting ties with those close friends that you have made through your ex.  You have shared many memorable moments with them and will always hold them close to your heart.  Some of those close friends will stay in touch with you and will continue to pursue their friendship with you, but others will stray and solely exist as a memory and nothing more.  These friends are the friends that you regret losing the most.  These friends are the good ones that "ran away."

No matter the circumstance of your break-up, it seems that we all learn that, much like boyfriend/girlfriend relationships, friendships can just as easily come and go.  Friendships live within a wavy ocean and the storms that hit are always unpredictable.  For the friends that rise and ebb like ocean waves, turn them into a learning experience.  For the friends that stick around and want to pursue a genuine relationship with you, hold them close and appreciate their efforts.  Although some friends may be lost, others will be gained.

Loving Yourself vs. Being Conceited

Although I have oftentimes stated the fact that you must first love yourself before bestowing your love upon someone else, I would like to point out that loving yourself beyond a certain degree, to the point of conceitedness, could actually destroy a relationship more than you think it would improve it.

You may ask, "What is the line between loving myself and being conceited?"  I believe the answer lies in the word "humbleness."  A person that loves himself or herself does not often outwardly show it.  There may be a few episodes where the self-confident individual outwardly expresses that he or she thinks that she's, oh, I don't know, a "pretty cool person," but this once-in-a-while type of expression does not constitute that this person is conceited.

Someone that is conceited cares about him or herself and only him or herself at all times.  Another word to describe a conceited person could be "selfish."  This conceited person thinks very highly of him or herself, and no one else matters.  A glance in the mirror turns into an hour-long self-talk session (proclaiming things, verbally or in thoughts, such as, "You look so good today," or, "You are just...so awesome, so amazing.").  A genuine compliment from an innocent, humble, self-confident person turns into the gross response of, "I already know that, but thanks anyways!"  A conceited person wants power and is not afraid to admit it.

A person that loves him or herself, however, in a more modest nature, is the person you walk by and immediately sense their confidence.  You don't know they're confident through their outrageous, outward expressions, but you can sense it.  A self-confident, self-loving person holds a genuine smile and does not expect the world to bow at his or her feet.  A self-confident person recognizes and accepts mistakes and holds an open mind.

The reason why someone that is conceited could ruin a relationship seems obvious.  All of the love that a conceited person could contain, and then some, is bestowed upon him or herself and no one else.  What is a relationship without even a tiny ounce of love?  What happens, however, when two conceited people date each other?  It seems that war would burst out, but to be honest, I have yet to witness two conceited people date each other.

Can we really have such a loathing for the people that love themselves a little bit "too much?"  Wouldn't we rather it be that than an overly-emo teenager?

The point I am trying to make is this: if you are seriously considering involving yourself in a relationship, it is better to love yourself and be humble in your thoughts and actions rather than love yourself so much that you don't have any more love to give to anyone else.  Humbleness is fundamental.

Say It When You Mean It

Our minds usually play with the phrase like a cat toy, but nothing ever seems to escape our mouths because we're afraid.  We're afraid to say it too early.  We're afraid that we'll say it at too low of a volume for the other to even understand what we just said, degrading the moment to something awkward.  We're afraid that this three-word phrase will change everything in the relationship that we've grown accustomed to.  In the end, saying "I love you" takes bravery and understanding.  However, one big question remains - when do you say those special words?

Everyone is entitled to their own opinion about this particular subject, but I must point out that saying "I love you" about two weeks into a relationship is a little early.  Saying "I love you" that early almost reminds me of my early high school years, when I would sit on the phone for about five or six hours with a guy I was interested in.  At the end of the conversation, I would decide that we are completely compatible, inseparable, and we must date and get married very soon, because, well, that's just the way things had to be.  So at the end of this five or six hour-long conversation, I would say, in all my dramatic, soap-opera like manner, "I love you."  That's just too damn early.

I believe that you should say "I love you" when you truly mean it from the absolute bottom of your heart.  When you say "I love you," you should feel it.  Your stomach should turn, your heart should start pounding against your sternum, and you should feel a tiny bit dizzy.  After all, love is almost like a drug, which can have these effects on someone.  When you're contemplating at what moment to tell someone that you love them, I think it's best to make sure you actually do love them first.  Just ask yourself, "Why do I love this person?"  If you can sit down and write a page-long list of why you love this person, then you are good to go.  If you cannot seem to write down reasons why you love this person, then it is probably not the ideal time to express your love to him or her.

Developing love for another person takes time and effort.  Love is not a quick dive in a pool; it is rather a long trek down a meandering river.  You shouldn't say "I love you" jumping off of the diving board, but rather after you have spent your time and effort navigating down the long and winding river in which you've hit a few rapids.

A lot of people have the tendency to act fast because they're afraid that they will lose something that has been going well for them.  They claim that they have "bad luck," and something as good as this isn't bound to last very long.  However, if these people live with this type of mentality, it is clear to see why they have "bad luck."  If you don't believe in yourself or the wonderful relationship that is succeeding, then there will most likely be trouble.  If you change your mentality to a more optimistic one, seeing the bright side of a relationship and believing that everything will work out just fine, you'll have an easier road to follow.  You can allow yourself to  be patient and wait for that right moment to say, "I love you" with no difficulty whatsoever.

Take your time to say "I love you."  Although you may feel these powerful feelings early in a relationship, don't let those feelings take over your true personality and mentality.  You must really take the time to evaluate yourself and why you love this person that you are in a relationship with (or not - if you are in a different type of situation).  Also, it is extremely important to love yourself before you ever bestow your full-blown love upon someone else.  Choose wisely and carefully.  Patience and understanding is the key.

Singles Beware! - How Relationships Can Relieve Stress

Swimming in the vast sea of singles can be adventurous, fun and entirely unpredictable.  Many single people that I have met in my life say they are happy because there is no one to hold them back from doing the things that they have always wanted to do.  They date around and sometimes sleep around, which apparently provides a rather stress-free lifestyle since there is no significant other "nagging" at his or her flaws, calling every day to see how they're doing (which I suppose reminds them of their mom or dad?), or influencing them to stay put right where they are.

Testostorone-filled men and Estrogen-packed women live the single life as happy as can be, but we must remember... that the majority of humans on this planet seek one love that they can live with for the rest of their lives.  That's right, my friends!  A majority of those on Earth seek a relationship in one way or another.  Flying solo is fun and apparently stress-free, but I would like to prove to you that, while being single is great, being in a relationship is more stress-free.

So, you're single?  The list of things that instantly pop into my mind that you could constantly stress out about:

1.  STDs from someone you barely know
2.  Impregnating someone that you barely know
3.  Getting pregnant by someone you barely know (if you're a female... of course)
4.  "Is this person right for me?"
5.  "Can I trust this person?"
6.  "Is he/she seeing other people?"
7.  "What if this person starts 'stalking' me?"
8.  Loneliness

I know that not everyone is sexually active, but there is still a pretty good list of stresses that accompany single status.  Granted, even people in relationships stress out about sexual issues, but there comes a sigh of relief based on the fact that most of those in relationships are committed and both parties know each other fairly well.

Perhaps the biggest downfall to single life is the feeling of loneliness.  Although one may be dating different people and feel connected to one or more of those people, the feeling of loneliness seems to overpower even the strongest chemistry.  I imagine that in the single life, two parties can recognize that there is an interest in one another, but without the commitment to a relationship, one doesn't know for sure if that person will always be there for him or her.  It's the stress of wonder and worry that takes over those minds.

Some single people don't really date at all and always have a feeling of loneliness lingering over their heads no matter the occasion.  It's an unfortunate event, but it's the patience and self-worth that pays off in the end.

Also, to touch on number 6 of the list: single people date other single people, and single people like to date around.  To hang out with a single person that you have an instant connection with doesn't guarantee that that person will want to date you.  He or she could be going on dates with multiple people, and you almost feel like you're some sort of option in a brand new car lot.  You jump up and down on the inside, begging for your "lover" to choose your shiny paint job over the others.

Although it seems I am "bashing" the single life, there are wonderful aspects to it.  However, when you get in the vibe of a relationship and place yourself on a roller coaster with a person that you really care about, magic and stress relief happens extremely often - in my case, every single day.

What can a relationship do for you?  Let's make a list (Please note that if you are in a bad relationship, some of these may not apply (yet, at least). This is in an ideal relationship.):

1.  He/She will ALWAYS be there, no matter what.
2.  You fight, but you know that you both can work it out.
3.  Constant affection, no need to "search"
4.  The feeling of being loved
5.  Support with every decision you make
6.  Someone to vent to about your frustrations
7.  Massages (if you're lucky)
8.  No worries about if they're seeing anyone else

Relationships are INCREDIBLE.  Just the thought alone of having someone always there to listen to you and support you with whatever decision you make is enough proof that being in a relationship is stress-free.  I believe many people only think about the negative side of relationships and use that as evidence to show that relationships are stressful.

I suppose I did the same with the single life, but that was to support my thoughts on this subject.  The fact of the matter is that if a relationship and love is what a majority of people deem their ultimate "destination," then those that already have it or are working their way towards it must be absolutely stress-free and happy because they have finally found what they are "looking" for.

Singles, I can imagine that you are enjoying life as much as you can, but realize that relationships contain overflowing love, which propels this universe.  To those that are in bad relationships - it takes a few relationships to find the right person for you, but just be patient and the gold will reach your end of the rainbow.  To those that are in good relationships - savor these special moments and continue to live your life with no worries.

Relax, Reflect, and Learn - Reflections on Love

As I prepare for take-off on my runway of life, I realize that I may be going a little fast.  If I keep accelerating, living the way I am right now, focused solely on my job, paying bills, taking care of my mom and dad, and all of the other magical tasks that accompany being an adult, I'll never get the chance to stop, rest, and reflect before I really take-off.

Although I feel I'm moving too fast, I must admit that I think a lot.  We, as humans, should think a lot.  When I'm riding the MARTA, I think about life and how I got to where I am now.  When I'm in my room, just sitting on my bed, I think a lot about my experiences with love, and how blessed I am to have the loving boyfriend that I do now.  When I take a shower, I think about how many stressful situations there are in the world, and how I wish I could beg every company in the United States to give us more time off to just relax.  I think about everything one could possibly think of.  (Funny statement, I know.)  These rambling thoughts of mine lead to one point.  This point is that instead of rushing through life and running through love like some sort of football player demolishing a drill, we should stop sometime to sit down, relax, reflect, and learn.

As I've been "rushing" through my blog, I'd like to dedicate this blog to my reflections on love.  Looking back on what I've written so far, I can honestly say that I can't believe I've made the horrific mistakes that I have in certain relationships.  However, even though I have made those mistakes, I can say that I've learned from them and will never make those mistakes again.  I am still deeply sorry for those I've hurt, but for some reason, I feel that God is leading me down this path that I need to be on.  I may not understand God's reasoning now, but my intuition is telling me that it's there.

I've also learned that love pulls you in with its magical chemistry at the beginning, but then brings you to reality once the sparkles fade.  The reality of love is not negative, but rather requires a little more effort than the facile attraction that got you started in the first place.  True love is something really special, and I believe every person in the world just wants to be loved in one way or another.  It's more of a need than a want.  Love is absolutely timeless and will probably still exist when our world ends.

Honesty equals love.  If you really care about someone and if you really want to take care of your sanity and stress, you would be honest with yourself and others.  The truth may hurt, but the ever so cliche term is correct - "The truth shall set you free."

During times of mourning, love seems to be the only facet of life that will help us make it through difficulties.  It brings us under its arms and lets us know that everything will eventually be okay, no matter how much pain we have to go through to get there.  It makes us scream for joy and shed tears of utter sadness.  No other emotion dares to go where love goes.

Some attempt to take advantage of others through love.  It proves effective, because once someone digs into another's love, then he or she is hooked.  However, once he or she learns that it's the wrong type of love, a chunk of his or her life has been destroyed, specifically trust.

Love lives within the heart, the eyes, and the soul of its beholder.  Love is not only for boyfriends, girlfriends, husbands, and wives, but it is also for family, co-workers, friends, and enemies.  Love begins within oneself, then emulates outward unto others.  For believers, it all begins with faith.

I consider myself aware of love and its aspects.  After starting this blog, I am almost shocked to see how much of our human lives revolve around this incredible emotion.  After these reflections, I realize that love has played an enormous part in molding the person I presently am.  It is difficult to name the specific ways that it has changed me, but it really has.  It has led me to truly discover myself (which I believe is a lifelong process in itself).  It has opened my eyes and it motivates me to do good in my life.  It motivates me to always be honest and never give up.

Love is a miraculous thing, and no matter how painful I may find it sometimes, I will not stop writing about it.

Sea Bird, Song I Composed in Remembrance of Erik Downes

How U.S. Immigration Affects Love, Interracial Relationships and Inter-cultural Relationships

From the outside, it seems that the United States is one of the most desired countries to live in.  Every family seems to jump at the thought of a better education for their children and the word freedom is something seldom heard outside of these red, white and blue walls.  However, when outsiders purposely take advantage of marriage and love in order to gain citizenship in one of the most powerful countries in the world, the concept of love, interracial and inter-cultural relationships turns negative in the minds of the American-born.

I must first clarify that every foreigner that would like to be a U.S. citizen does not try to cheat the system that is set in place.  There are plenty of people that handle their immigration matters the legal way.  There are also a number of people that come to the U.S. and truly fall in love with a U.S. citizen.  The fact is that one cannot choose love, and if that love so happens to spark between a U.S. citizen and an immigrant, then so be it.  The only aspect of immigration that I will be taking in hand today is the subject of marriage and how many individuals use matrimony for citizenship and not for true love.  I will also tie this in with the matter of interracial and inter-cultural relationships and how these pedestaled ideas have somewhat depreciated within the minds of those that have already been taken advantage of by law-breaking immigrants.

If you are not quite familiar with the immigration laws regarding marriage set in place in the United States, allow me to explain a little.  If an immigrant marries a Lawful Permanent Resident (LPR, basically an immigrant that is almost a citizen) or U.S. Citizen (USC, born in the U.S.A), then the LPR or USC can petition for the immigrant to begin the process of becoming a citizen.  How, you may ask?  Well, when the individual or representing law firm files the petition for the immigrant, evidence must be shown to prove that the marriage is bona-fide (in other words, legitimate).  Supporting evidence may include things like proof of joint ownership (a car or house by showing bills, titles or leases), photos (of the marriage ceremony or of physical affection), children, and even love letters and e-mails (which are usually the best type of supporting evidence).  If U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Services looks at the evidence and truly believes that both parties entered the marriage in good faith, then the petition will be granted.

Some U.S. citizens actually want to help a certain immigrant out and will marry him or her not out of love, but out of service.  However, I feel that there are a number of immigrants that take advantage of love and use people for their own selfish reasons.  I would like to focus on single immigrants without families that take advantage of this system, because I feel that immigrants with families are a whole different story.

Imagine that you meet someone, learn that he or she is from a different country, and then start to develop feelings for him or her.  Not all love stories are two-way streets, so let's suppose that you are the only one in this situation that has true developed feelings.  Although the foreigner knows that there is no chance that he or she could develop feelings for you, he or she could take advantage of the situation and pretend to have those same feelings.  Your entire love roller coaster would be nothing but a mere dream, and after the proper petitions have been filed and approved, your emotions are crushed.  Of course, after a petition has been approved, the couple must stay married for a certain number of years (at least two I believe) in order for immigration to drop any suspicion, but then again, after that amount of time, all the time and emotion that you have invested in this person will seem to prove worthless.

Once again, I am not suggesting that all immigrants do this, but let's suppose that this situation were to happen and the story spread like wildfire amongst friends and family.  Because this happened to someone so dear to them, it is more than likely that they will remain partial to the citizen and have an idea in their minds that immigrants are only people that take advantage of others for their own good.  Also, because a majority of immigrants are of difference races and cultures, those people could also instill this idea in their mind that interracial or inter-cultural relationships are harmful.  A type of paranoia could take over and all of a sudden, sticking with what one knows doesn't seem like such a bad idea.  Additionally, because that particular had been lied to for such a long period of time, it would be hard for him or her to trust another person again.  Hopes of love would be shot down and the healing process would prove difficult.

Furthermore, there are many citizens of this country that have a strong feeling that immigrants come to the United States and take over all of our available jobs.  This idea could influence individuals to not show love or appreciation for immigrants.  Perhaps this is one of the reasons why numerous outsiders feel that Americans are a tad bit cold.  They live their own lives and try not to interfere with those that "worsen" their job searching situation.

Although there is a negative side of how people take advantage of our immigration system, immigration could also prove beneficial for love in our country.  The United States is considered the "melting pot," and because of this, many people have learned to love and cultivate other cultures.  Interracial and inter-cultural relationships are becoming much more common, and it seems that there is more progression into exploding globalization.  Our minds are constantly enriched with outside ideas and we learn how to love in ways that we've never tried before.

Accepting immigration as it is and embracing interracial and inter-cultural relationships can prove advantageous in our country, especially in terms of learning effective diplomacy and just general cultural sensitivity for a healthier, well-rounded mindset.  Although some immigrants do take advantage of our most powerful emotion in order to gain citizenship, it is important to know that others can broaden our horizons and make life incredibly fruitful.

It is clear to see how U.S. immigration policies can affect love and our general outlooks on life.  What do you think?

Being Clingy Will Not Bring You Closer to True Love

Much like a relationship where spontaneity has died, being clingy proves incredibly destructive.  Keep in mind that you do not need to be in a relationship in order to show clingy-ness.  I feel that I have experienced many shapes and forms of the clingy people and I can tell you this: being clingy will get you nowhere closer to true love.

What do I define as clingy?  Well, whether in a relationship or not, someone may seem to latch on to a particular person and never let go.  By never letting go, I mean continuous phone calls/text messages (and that includes not being patient for their reply), extremely consistent attempts to hang out, and saying phrases to a particular person to guilt them into believing a certain thing (hey... you... you know you're not being clever trying to guilt trip people into things... we can tell!).  Also, my friends, if someone you're dating or interested in starts discussing marriage, kids and your future together after only a month, you might want to think about running far, far away.  In other words, Jersey Shore words to be exact, that person is kind of creepin'.

So, I suppose you could devise the conclusion that being clingy is equal to being obsessive.  Acting in this way is not healthy if you want to pursue a relationship.  A relationship should not be two people constantly attached at the hip for eternity.  You see, in this world, we're all about taking two humans and making babies so that those babies can grow to be their own person.  We're not really into taking two already grown humans and melting them together with no productive result.  Do you see what I'm saying?  Once a clingy person succeeds in obtaining their "prey", that relationship becomes immediately calamitous.  Someone, if not both, in that relationship are going to lose the sense of who they really are.

Many times, people are so invested in a relationship that they become blind to what's really happening.  Even when their closest friends point out that something is wrong, they don't want to believe them.  However, if many different people point out the same thing, a light bulb usually goes off (let's hope).  So please, take my advice: if you have friends that are pointing out something along the lines of, "Hey, I think you guys are spending way too much time together," or "He's really clingy, I would be careful if I were you," then listen.  You may not like what you hear, but it's the best thing for you.

Another issue that arises when someone becomes too clingy is the big 'J' word.  Say it with me now... jealousy.  I feel that when someone latches on to a person of interest, he or she automatically believes that that person is his or hers and no one else's.  It sounds a little psychotic, maybe, but it's entirely true.  The clingy individual may start to do things like ask who you're texting, who just called, and peer over your shoulder while you check your Facebook and e-mail.  Not only is this an obsessive trait, but it's also a sign that this person will have trust issues if you decide to take things any further.  If someone you know does any of these things and interest is involved, watch out.

Clingy people could also be looked at as people that would be the controlling ones in a relationship.  If someone is constantly checking your phone, Facebook and e-mail, they will eventually lose trust in you and start to think of ways to control your usage of those things in order to prevent you from doing anything that is not focused on him or her.  It sounds scary, but it does happen.  I am not suggesting that all clingy people are bad people who are controlling, but in many cases, those that latch on to someone turn out that way.  In some cases, those people could even be violent because of their past.  Please be careful.

For those of you that do fit within this "criteria" of being a clingy person, please realize that there is a life outside of relationships and marriage.  You must do the things that you really enjoy to keep your mind busy.  I'm not saying that it's wrong to show interest in someone, but you can't be obsessive about it.  You must be patient.  Don't call/text ALL the time and don't expect immediate responses.  We all have lives outside of love, you know.  If you're going to be the jealous type, you won't have a clear, healthy path to true love.  Everyone wants to be loved.  Do your part and just be you, no clingy-ness or jealousy involved.  The right person will come along - you don't have to adamantly pursue every person that you're interested in.

Stay

Bury my soul in your windmill wings

And watch me fly with your love.

Strum sweet notes into my eager ears

But throw your baseball-prayers Above.

Dance slowly and gently with my ready feet

And watch carefully my bubble-emotions.

See them float forever and ever,

Pop and fall into vast oceans.

Stick firm by my laughter-aching side

And content you'll find your sweet dreams.

Shout hope and confidence sonic-loud

And live a full life swimming upstream.

Untitled Song Composed on Piano by Marla Osti

Here's a song that I recently composed on the piano.  I don't have any words to it, but if I were to put words to it, I suppose I would make it into a love song.  I spent only one day on this, so I hope that you enjoy it!

Dear Emotions

Dear Emotions,
I splatter your blood
Across my confused palette
And paint a Surrealist picture

The strokes of my brush
Swirl in accordance with
My singing, searching soul,
Colorful imagination reigning

Stop clouding the illuminations
That I seek for loneliness
And complement my eyes
With thine positive love.

And yell to the ocean that
He is my biggest regret,
For instead of flowers
I will throw swords and blood

Though his thirst already quenched
With a magnificent life,
I shall parch his throat with
Sharp pain and tears

Innumerable armies stand beside me
And I hope forever, dear emotions,
You swim inside my strength,
Clearing my painting's purpose.

Public Displays of Affection

Love embeds its non-erasable evidence in our emotions and depths of our souls, but it also creates an effect on our actions and how we display our love for others.  I'm talking about public displays of affection, also referred to as PDA.  Some of you have no problem displaying to the whole world that you are in a relationship with someone and care for them.  You don't mind letting everyone know that you are taken and happy about it.  When you and your partner show affection in public, I feel that it is a sign that you are confident in your relationship and could care less about what those surrounding you think.

I applaud all of you public displays of affection activists, partly because I am one also, but I must slightly turn my head to those people that transform our movie theaters, family parks, shopping malls, and restaurants into their very own private bedrooms.  When I go out of my house, I really expect nothing more than going into public.  This means that I will expect seeing a variety of people walking, driving, bicycling around, minding their own business and doing regular things like shopping, eating, running errands, etc.  When I'm in a public place and see a couple full-on making out (which is the initial action before anything further, mind you), I feel uncomfortable.  It is a distraction from what I plan to accomplish that day.

You may ask: how far is too far?  My answer?  Making out.  You can kiss a little, but if it's not broken for more than, let's say, five to seven seconds, you may be going too far.  Holding hands is great.  Hugging is perfectly fine too.  My reasoning for why making out in public is not looked at favorably is because of the following:

#1:  As I said before, making out is the last step before you start the other steps of going any further.  You know what I mean.  That is meant for the privacy of your own place of dwelling, folks.

#2:  I can imagine that if you are too busy trying to swallow your significant other's face in the midst of other people, you will be distracted.  Therefore, if something "important" happens, you will probably miss it.  I mean, what if someone came up behind you and secretly pick pocketed you?  Hey, you never know.

#3:  Think of all the lonely people out there that aren't dating anyone!  Chances are, someone will either be grossed out by your PDA or feel completely envious and then suddenly enter into a state of depression because they can't make out with someone at that particular moment in time.  Way to go, heartbreaker.

Now, I suppose if you are in a dimly lit bar or club filled with drunken people, then maybe it would be okay to make out with someone.  That is mainly because half of the people in there probably have no clue what is going on anyways.  Plus, you're more vulnerable for actions like that.  Please, however, do not show PDA in generally sober and family friendly places.  We also don't want children questioning their parents about what you're doing.  Some parents just aren't ready to explain that.

As I have mentioned before, I am a naturally emotional person that loves to snuggle and doesn't mind tasteful public displays of affection.  However, I know my limits and thought that I should inform you of being mindful as well.  Love makes us do crazy things, but this is one matter that I am certain we can control with ease.

For Erik

Inspired by Erik Downes.  Please continue all your strong prayers for him, his family, and the Oglethorpe community.  Here's to his safe return!


I have tears welling up in my eyes.  I could barely sleep last night, because the only thing that I was thinking about was Erik and how blessed I have been to have such an incredible person like him as a friend.  I'm not only getting teary-eyed because of the fact that I'm incredibly worried and anxious that he makes it home okay, but also because I have never seen love as strong as this come from the Oglethorpe community.  Love in immense numbers has proven, especially in these past few days, completely indestructible.  Love in numbers can withhold Hell's furious fires.  These powerful waves of emotion, feeling, and sympathy shines ever so brightly like the aurorealis, splashing color on our black and white world.

I'm glad that I recently posted a blog about how much I love Oglethorpe, because these recent events have confirmed my undying love for my Alma Mater.  Each student and faculty member at this university may be on opposite sides of the spectrum from one another, but when something such as this incident calls for unity, prayer and hope, no one thinks twice about joining the circle.  Everyone - current students, alumni, former staff and faculty members, friends of the community - will always be there for one another, no matter what the situation.  Mind to mind and hand in hand, we Oglethorpians can accomplish continental plate-shifting feats.

I feel that any number of people associated with any group experiences this same type of love.  This love truly comes out in times of hardship, but when everything seems to be fine and dandy, it lives a little deeper in the soul.  It seems that only those members of that particular association understand what it's like to be in that affiliation.  And when that love comes out, it incredible to see how many people want in on this special bondage.  The combined love of a group of people has the power to part seas and bring rebellious people to their knees.

Erik, we know that you are out there, safe and sound.  Everyone at Oglethorpe loves you so much, and the gray-stoned buildings will turn more gray than a rainy day if you do not return with that smiling face of yours.  Everyone here is thinking and praying for you.  You're strong and I know you can make it through this.  We love you!

Love Music - Part 1

Love's complexities, pains and contentments seem so easy when they are intertwined with swirling music notes that dance in air.  Pianos never fail to play perfectly along with our love-filled lives, and guitars ease romance into our lonely souls.  The magic of music and its interpretations of love successfully opens my ears and peaks my interest.

I will be honest and admit that, due to a broken heart, I have locked myself in my dark and sorrowful room, played an eternity of love songs, and cried myself to sleep.  Love songs release the best emotions in me.  They create opportunities to "vent" and show my true colors - what I am truly feeling at a particular moment.  I graciously bow at the feet of love songs, but I also scold their abilities to make me seemingly bipolar.  I could be extremely happy one moment, but once I hear any music decorated with a love theme, I tend to melt and either cry, feel lonely or seek affection.

Nonetheless, I appreciate artists that are able to express themselves through this creative way.  It certainly proves more effective than other methods of expression.

Love music also creates first dances, first kisses, marriage ceremonies, happy thoughts, and eternally warm hearts.  Though it brings me to tears, I must remember that it also brings laughter and joy.

In order to commemorate the mysterious power of love songs, I will list a few of my favorite songs.  These are in no particular order.  I still need to work on this YouTube video embedding thing, so please pardon the lack of embedment.

1) Falling in Love in a Coffeeshop by Landon Pigg


2) A Thousand Roses by Brandon Henderson


3) Ordinary People by John Legend


4) The Way You Are by Bruno Mars


5) Love is Here to Stay by Frank Sinatra