Acceptance is a notion that rules our childhood, teenage years, and young adulthood. However, each day that we grow older in the never-ending journey of defining our selves, we learn that acceptance is insignificant. Although many of us struggle daily with ridding the need for approval from our minds, we grow to love hate and thrive on the naysayers that appear in our lives.
I am a victim of acceptance. This concept has abused my mind for most of my life and is responsible for many of my thoughts and actions. For as long as I can remember, if I ever discovered that someone didn't like what I did or just simply did not care for me as a person, I would slip into a dwelling coma and beat myself up with whys and hows. The fault automatically lied on my shoulders and its weight would crush me for days. "What can I do to make myself a 'better' person and have this person like me?" "How can I connect with this person so that he/she will not hate me?"
I would throw myself into a whirlwind of untruthfulness and drained energy. I would not stay true to myself and would mold my personality, my behavior, and what I said to fit who I was interacting with. I never had a true "self" and would get frustrated because living my life based on acceptance just turned me into a "well-rounded" person. I had no definition. I was not comfortable in my own skin and constantly searched for what was missing deep in my soul. No matter how deep in the ocean I swam, I could not find my anchor.
The more I thrived on acceptance from others, the more tired I became. I was exhausted from living multiple lives just to please everyone around me. On the outside, I seemed happy. I seemed like a popular girl that just got along with everyone because I was a nice girl. The truth was, however, I was scared that someone would dislike me. That is why I was friends with everyone. If you just weren't sure if you believed in God, I would be your friend. If you did drugs in the bathroom because you felt lost and confused, I would be your friend. If you were a bully and skipped class, I would be your friend. If you were "normal" and were accepted to go to college, I would be your friend. I could not be disliked by anyone. If I was disliked, I would get that feeling in the pit of my stomach and would feel that my life was ruined.
The first falling out that you have with a friend teaches you a lot about this issue. The day that you decide to break it off with someone that used to be your absolute best friend is heartbreaking. You may cry. You may feel sick to your stomach and lose your appetite. You may feel that a part of your heart has been ripped out and thrown in the dumpster. However, the further you progress without that person in your life, the wider you open your eyes and realize that the decision you made was most beneficial for you. Realizing that it is okay to do something that is good for you and for no one else is magical. At this point, you take one step in distancing yourself from this criminal named Acceptance.
Through your college years and into your young adult years, you begin cutting off more people from your life. You've done it once and you can do it again. You still get that feeling in the pit of your stomach, but it becomes easier. There are still a few people that you keep around, probably just because you "feel bad" and feel obligated to have them in your life, but for the most part, you are getting the idea that this world is all about you and no one else. You begin to learn that YOU are the only one that can control your happiness.
When you begin a career, you will deal with your first client that hates your guts. They are anal retentive and are disgusted that you forgot a comma in your email. Their reply will be pretentious, degrading, and OH, they'll blind copy your boss. You get that feeling in the pit of your stomach again. "Why does this person hate me?" "What can I do to make him/her happy?" After dealing with many of these clients, you learn that their problems are their problems, not yours. You learn to laugh at them. You learn that your life and experiences have nothing to do with theirs. You love their hate and escalate your kindness to them. After all, there is nothing quite like being nice to a mean person. How you deal with their hate makes you feel like the bigger person, which gives you the self-confidence boost you have been searching for.
You begin to bring your work experiences into your every day life. You cut unnecessary strings and feel the weight of acceptance lifted off of your shoulders. You surround yourself with people that you want to emulate. You encircle yourself with nothing but positivity, love, and celebration. You no longer accept mere tolerance and learn what truly makes you happy. You no longer feel the need to lie to yourself or others to gain acceptance. More importantly, you learn that the only acceptance you need is from yourself.
When you surround yourself with people and things that fit what you want in your life, it is inevitable that rocks of hate and negativity will be thrown at your bubble. Although I will admit that I have not yet reached a point in my life where hate and negativity does not bother me at all, I am learning every day that how I deal with these two issues will define my self-confidence and future life. I have learned to steer clear from the haters and love them from a distance. If I keep these people far from my life, they will have no affect on my happiness. I use their hate and negativity as fuel for determination and success.
A very wise person once told me, "If someone 'hates' on you, you must be doing something right." In consideration of where I am at in my life right now, I am not afraid to look at you in the eyes and say that I really, REALLY love hate.
