I'm digging in my memories and searching for the experiences I've had walking on the fine line of love and addiction. Actually, I shouldn't say that I have walked this line often, or even at all, but I have seen others on the border. What exactly separates love from addiction? And where does infatuation lie? I have always been curious about how these concepts differ from each other. Now that I have a little more experience under my belt with these issues, I'd like to attempt to thoroughly investigate them.
Love. I've written about this before. What is love? Well, if you remember reading my blog entitled, How do you know that you are truly in love?, I state that:
"True love has no shame. There is no guilt. There are no obligations. True love is the unity of two people that are so compatible with each other and so eager to venture forward into the roaring sea of emotions and unexpected happenings. The feeling of true love is not solely physical, but rather deep in your soul. You dream about this person and you really believe that you could not survive if you did not have this wonderful human being by your side."
Honestly, it does sound a little bit like addiction, doesn't it? You really believe that you could not survive if you did not have this wonderful human being by your side. Aren't people that are addicted to drugs or alcohol feel the same way about those substances? That they would literally explode if they did not have them? Perhaps addiction is an extreme degree of love. At the beginning of a relationship, love is immature and undeveloped. It isn't true love, but it is certainly the beginning stage of it.
Well, maybe I should back up a little. How about infatuation? I believe infatuation occurs before a relationship ever begins. But...do all infatuations lead to a relationship? No. Some people are infatuated with movie stars. They daydream about them, sending their minds spinning off into other dimensions. Infatuation is almost like reading a fiction book. At first, it's nothing - you're just reading. But then, you begin to know the characters a little more, slowly beginning to realize how good the book is. Then you become SO immersed in everything that the characters do, and you actually begin living in this fantasy land. It's almost not real. It's a little like your own personal heaven.
Infatuation, however, can quickly turn to reality. Either you finish reading the book and snap back into the real world, or you actually come into contact with the characters. Why do you think people are so obsessive over Harry Potter? It consists of a series of books based in this super awesome fantasy world. Then they made movies. Yes, with actual people in them. If I were Emma Watson, I would run for my life. Millions of people are infatuated with her! I would take the next spaceship to Mars if I knew that many people were "after" me. Literally. So, does infatuation equal obsession? I think so. Maybe just a little bit. So perhaps infatuation shouldn't even be compared with love. Fair enough.
Love. Love love love. What do you love to do? I love to write. I love to dance. I love music. I love my friends and my family. I love to stay fit. I love to do all of these things, but I am not addicted to them. Maybe I would lose a little bit of my sanity if I didn't have any of these things, but I think I would be able to survive without them. Wait, friends and family? Okay, I'm rethinking this...
But here is the point. I am not addicted to my friends or family. That would be kind of creepy, to be honest with you. Okay, I can't lie. I had to use Google to help me out here. This is what Google gives as a definition for addiction:
being abnormally tolerant to and dependent on something that is psychologically or physically habit-forming
Habit-forming... okay. Well, in that sense, love can become an addiction. If you get into the same routine with your significant other, a.k.a. get too comfortable, your love for one another will turn into an addiction and the break-up (if it ever happens) will be even more painful. This is why you constantly hear that change is healthy. I'm not saying that you have to change the person that you're dating, but at least put a little spontaneity into your life! Think of it this way: when you are in love with someone, you both become one. You lose a little part of yourself in order to become a part of this bigger picture. You keep taking in all the glory of the relationship, wanting more and more of each other as time goes on. Looking at it from the outside, it's actually kind of sickening to believe that I fell into this "addiction" once before. Once your substance for addiction is taken away, you go a little crazy. And then you realize, you were addicted.
So, conclusion: if you get too comfortable, you're falling into addiction. Stay away people!
What about love vs. addiction in regard to non-human things? I believe the line is more clear when we talk about love vs. addiction in non-human aspects. If someone loves to do something, they have a deep, heartfelt passion for it. They like to do it, but they also have a life outside of that. They are social and they enjoy doing other things just as much. Now, you can tell when someone is addicted to something. They do it continuously. Over and over and over again. And then you start to see a change in their personality. And then you realize that that particular thing is all they think about. Addiction is scary. I've seen a few people addicted to certain things and it's almost like they are a completely different person. Kind of like being bipolar.
I can't successfully give advice about how to overcome an addiction, but I do know that if you keep the people that you care about the most close to you, you have a better chance of getting over an addiction.
There is a fine line between love and addiction. However, it really is all up to you when it comes to deciding which side of the fence you would like to be on.
Saturday, November 20, 2010
Sunday, November 14, 2010
Love in a Photo
I found this picture on www.time.com and thought that it depicted love so well. This is a Chilean miner and his wife after he was rescued.
Daydreamer
My tears are living among
These clouds of daydreams,
Slashing reality's throat
And watching its bloody rain
Fall helplessly beneath,
Pounding against the tangible soil,
Seeping into Hell's doors
And quenching sin's thirst.
My wings never tire
And my soul does not cease
Its search for happiness,
But slowly my mind's stars fall
Exhausted from endless possibilities.
However their deaths are beautiful,
Swirling into blackness,
Admired by fellow daydreamers.
And inspiration is created as the blood
Continuously descends, and dreams
Are sought as my mind's life
Seems to slowly end.
But it is the LOVE from my soul
That heals self-crumbling.
And it is LOVE's drum in the world's band
That shifts my feet excitingly.
And it is my LOVE for my passions
That reignites my stars.
And it is LOVE that is pain,
But saves us again and again.
These clouds of daydreams,
Slashing reality's throat
And watching its bloody rain
Fall helplessly beneath,
Pounding against the tangible soil,
Seeping into Hell's doors
And quenching sin's thirst.
My wings never tire
And my soul does not cease
Its search for happiness,
But slowly my mind's stars fall
Exhausted from endless possibilities.
However their deaths are beautiful,
Swirling into blackness,
Admired by fellow daydreamers.
And inspiration is created as the blood
Continuously descends, and dreams
Are sought as my mind's life
Seems to slowly end.
But it is the LOVE from my soul
That heals self-crumbling.
And it is LOVE's drum in the world's band
That shifts my feet excitingly.
And it is my LOVE for my passions
That reignites my stars.
And it is LOVE that is pain,
But saves us again and again.
Monday, November 8, 2010
Most Americans Don't Understand Love
My friend Chong shared this video with me. I thought that you all would really enjoy this. It definitely brings up a lot of topics to think about. God = love!
Click Here for the Video
Click Here for the Video
Sunday, November 7, 2010
Loving Your Career
Once again, folks, money comes in from the left side and throws love a punch in the face. Love stumbles around a little bit, but really, it's love that has the better character to beat out its green covered opponent. In all reality, love is everlasting and money vanishes fairly quickly. If you want to be happy in life, you must love your career.
Recently, someone told me that there is a difference between a job and a career. A job is something that you feel a little more obligated to do. This obligation is not necessarily fun, but it does give you money. This money can help you pay for your necessities. There can also be some spending cash, but of course, that goes away really quickly. All in all, a job is something you have to get by... for now. A career is something that you really want to do for the rest of your life. A career is a true investment of your time and your interests. A career defines who you are, and is generally something that you love to do. Of course, a career pays you too, but it may not be as much as you would like.
The explanation I just gave may be a little confusing, so let me clarify:
#1 - JOB - Work that pays money. You may or may not like it. It's usually temporary - something you want to beef up your resume with.
#2 - CAREER - Also work that pays money. People are generally very interested in their careers. It's very long-term and requires a lot of investment of time and interest. Your career really defines who you are.
Okay, so now that we have that settled, let me explain to you exactly why you should love your career for what it is and not the money. If your career pays you a lot of money and you absolutely love what you do, then that is a double whammy. Your life is really good, and people envy you. No joking here. For the majority of us though, we want to make a career out of what we love, but we won't really get a great monetary compensation. That's okay. If you can wake up every single day of your life and think something along the lines of, "Wow, I'm really excited to go to work. I can't wait to do this today. This day is awesome. I love my life," then you, my friend, are in a great position. There may be tiny stresses of life that come along and try to throw down your love for your career, but the attempts by those stresses have nothing on your thoughts about what you do. Love is so deep and complex, that I truly believe it is almost impossible for anything to simply run it over. It may take a demon to do that.
Now, if you wake up every day and think these following thoughts: "Oh my Gooodddd, I don't want to go to work today. Should I just call in sick? I have to see my boss today, ohh mannnnn..." then I think you may not be in love with your career. You're in it just for the money, aren't you? Sure, the money is nice and you can support yourself and your family in addition to buying fancy things, but let's hope you don't kill yourself first! If you want to live a happy, healthy life, make a smart investment in your career and do something that you love.
I had a conversation with one of my former bosses recently, and she told me that if you're unsure about what you are really in love with doing, just ask yourself two simple questions: "What did you really enjoy doing as a child?" and "What is something that you do that causes you to completely lose track of time?" The answer to these two questions may lead you down the right path. Honestly, the answer to both of those questions for me is writing. I have been keeping a journal since I was about 12 years old, but even before that, I would always write random stuff and enjoy it. It was only until recently that I realized and understood that we must focus on our natural talents and use them to our best advantage. After all, what good is it if an extremely talented piano player decides to pursue a career in accounting? For one, the natural born piano player will be miserable. Also, that just doesn't seem very efficient. Wouldn't you rather hire someone that was naturally good in that field? Makes sense.
And trust me, I really don't think it's ever too late to pursue a career that you are passionate for. You can be in your 60's or in your 20's. If changing your career to something you love means saving your sanity and healthy living, then what do you have to lose? Nothing.
Do what you love. Pay no mind to the money sitting on your shoulder telling you, "You waaant meee." Your sanity and your life will thank you for not giving in to stupid green pieces of paper. Love is so much cooler than that.
Recently, someone told me that there is a difference between a job and a career. A job is something that you feel a little more obligated to do. This obligation is not necessarily fun, but it does give you money. This money can help you pay for your necessities. There can also be some spending cash, but of course, that goes away really quickly. All in all, a job is something you have to get by... for now. A career is something that you really want to do for the rest of your life. A career is a true investment of your time and your interests. A career defines who you are, and is generally something that you love to do. Of course, a career pays you too, but it may not be as much as you would like.
The explanation I just gave may be a little confusing, so let me clarify:
#1 - JOB - Work that pays money. You may or may not like it. It's usually temporary - something you want to beef up your resume with.
#2 - CAREER - Also work that pays money. People are generally very interested in their careers. It's very long-term and requires a lot of investment of time and interest. Your career really defines who you are.
Okay, so now that we have that settled, let me explain to you exactly why you should love your career for what it is and not the money. If your career pays you a lot of money and you absolutely love what you do, then that is a double whammy. Your life is really good, and people envy you. No joking here. For the majority of us though, we want to make a career out of what we love, but we won't really get a great monetary compensation. That's okay. If you can wake up every single day of your life and think something along the lines of, "Wow, I'm really excited to go to work. I can't wait to do this today. This day is awesome. I love my life," then you, my friend, are in a great position. There may be tiny stresses of life that come along and try to throw down your love for your career, but the attempts by those stresses have nothing on your thoughts about what you do. Love is so deep and complex, that I truly believe it is almost impossible for anything to simply run it over. It may take a demon to do that.
Now, if you wake up every day and think these following thoughts: "Oh my Gooodddd, I don't want to go to work today. Should I just call in sick? I have to see my boss today, ohh mannnnn..." then I think you may not be in love with your career. You're in it just for the money, aren't you? Sure, the money is nice and you can support yourself and your family in addition to buying fancy things, but let's hope you don't kill yourself first! If you want to live a happy, healthy life, make a smart investment in your career and do something that you love.
I had a conversation with one of my former bosses recently, and she told me that if you're unsure about what you are really in love with doing, just ask yourself two simple questions: "What did you really enjoy doing as a child?" and "What is something that you do that causes you to completely lose track of time?" The answer to these two questions may lead you down the right path. Honestly, the answer to both of those questions for me is writing. I have been keeping a journal since I was about 12 years old, but even before that, I would always write random stuff and enjoy it. It was only until recently that I realized and understood that we must focus on our natural talents and use them to our best advantage. After all, what good is it if an extremely talented piano player decides to pursue a career in accounting? For one, the natural born piano player will be miserable. Also, that just doesn't seem very efficient. Wouldn't you rather hire someone that was naturally good in that field? Makes sense.
And trust me, I really don't think it's ever too late to pursue a career that you are passionate for. You can be in your 60's or in your 20's. If changing your career to something you love means saving your sanity and healthy living, then what do you have to lose? Nothing.
Do what you love. Pay no mind to the money sitting on your shoulder telling you, "You waaant meee." Your sanity and your life will thank you for not giving in to stupid green pieces of paper. Love is so much cooler than that.
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