Although I am engaged and not married yet, I would like to share ten things that I have learned about myself and about marriage:
1. My faith in God is extremely important to me. I want this to be the foundation of not only my life, but my husband's life and my children's lives. These values have been instilled in me from the day I was born. I cannot imagine my life without prayer and a personal relationship with God. I am also an advocate of the quote, "The couple that prays together, stays together." Amen.
2. Everyone has their flaws. When you decide to marry someone, you accept those flaws and recognize that you will have to deal with them on a day-to-day basis. It's not fair to continue to nag someone about his/her flaws, especially when you agree to marry him/her and spend the rest of your life with him/her. I mean, didn't you know what you were getting yourself into? These flaws are a part of who he/she is and you cannot change that.
3. Speaking of change, don't ever think that you can change someone. You should accept your significant other for who he/she is. If you aren't compatible with him/her and feel that you want to stay in the relationship to change him/her, you're in the relationship for the wrong reasons. A healthy relationship should consist of two compatible people that mesh well when they are acting as themselves.
4. Be 100% honest with yourself and your significant other. If you're angry, say you're angry. If you're sad, say you're sad. If something bothers you, bring it up. Don't ever say, "I'm fine," unless you are truly feeling good. Honesty opens up a whole avenue of communication. Communication is vital in any relationship.
5. Look your best as often as you can! Although looks should not be the main driving factor in a relationship, attraction to one another is important. Without physical attraction, how can two people be together in the first place? Get a haircut, put on your best clothes, don't be afraid to spend a little money to get your nails done, put some makeup on, go to the gym, and carry yourself with confidence. Keep your significant other on his/her toes and remind them every day of why he/she pursued you or why you pursued him/her in the first place.
6. Although marriage indicates being "together," don't ever forget that you are still your own person and you should have some time to yourself. Whether you're in a separate room or in two different states while traveling, enjoy those moments that you have with yourself. Don't ever discontinue the things you enjoy just because you are in a union.
7. There should be a fair balance of give and get in the relationship. Don't become lazy and fall below this line. Once one straggles on either side, disappointment will brew. Never use excuses for this aspect of the relationship and give 100% at all times, just as you would while playing a game like volleyball or baseball.
8. Be open about your finances. You should never be embarrassed about your bank account and you shouldn't have to hide the damage you have done in the past. We all make mistakes and will learn from them. If you continue to make the same mistakes, it is okay to ask for help. However, just as in #7, you need to put 100% into fixing those mistakes so that you can get positive results.
9. Be romantic. Go on dates, cook a nice dinner, write a love note, light some candles, play slow music... These intimate moments will reinforce your relationship and help you stay strong for years to come.
10. Marriage is a decision and not a feeling. Although you have feelings for your significant other and that is part of what led you to marriage, you have to remember that marriage is more like a full-time job than a lovey-dovey, let's-ride-unicorns-over-rainbows affair. Marriage is a roller coaster and marriage is forever. Yes, you can get a divorce, but that should never be an option when you are deciding to get married. Meaning, you should never go into a marriage thinking, "If it doesn't work out, I can always get a divorce." That is simply not the right mentality to have, especially if you are claiming to love this person with all your heart.
