Loving Yourself vs. Being Conceited

Although I have oftentimes stated the fact that you must first love yourself before bestowing your love upon someone else, I would like to point out that loving yourself beyond a certain degree, to the point of conceitedness, could actually destroy a relationship more than you think it would improve it.

You may ask, "What is the line between loving myself and being conceited?"  I believe the answer lies in the word "humbleness."  A person that loves himself or herself does not often outwardly show it.  There may be a few episodes where the self-confident individual outwardly expresses that he or she thinks that she's, oh, I don't know, a "pretty cool person," but this once-in-a-while type of expression does not constitute that this person is conceited.

Someone that is conceited cares about him or herself and only him or herself at all times.  Another word to describe a conceited person could be "selfish."  This conceited person thinks very highly of him or herself, and no one else matters.  A glance in the mirror turns into an hour-long self-talk session (proclaiming things, verbally or in thoughts, such as, "You look so good today," or, "You are just...so awesome, so amazing.").  A genuine compliment from an innocent, humble, self-confident person turns into the gross response of, "I already know that, but thanks anyways!"  A conceited person wants power and is not afraid to admit it.

A person that loves him or herself, however, in a more modest nature, is the person you walk by and immediately sense their confidence.  You don't know they're confident through their outrageous, outward expressions, but you can sense it.  A self-confident, self-loving person holds a genuine smile and does not expect the world to bow at his or her feet.  A self-confident person recognizes and accepts mistakes and holds an open mind.

The reason why someone that is conceited could ruin a relationship seems obvious.  All of the love that a conceited person could contain, and then some, is bestowed upon him or herself and no one else.  What is a relationship without even a tiny ounce of love?  What happens, however, when two conceited people date each other?  It seems that war would burst out, but to be honest, I have yet to witness two conceited people date each other.

Can we really have such a loathing for the people that love themselves a little bit "too much?"  Wouldn't we rather it be that than an overly-emo teenager?

The point I am trying to make is this: if you are seriously considering involving yourself in a relationship, it is better to love yourself and be humble in your thoughts and actions rather than love yourself so much that you don't have any more love to give to anyone else.  Humbleness is fundamental.

Say It When You Mean It

Our minds usually play with the phrase like a cat toy, but nothing ever seems to escape our mouths because we're afraid.  We're afraid to say it too early.  We're afraid that we'll say it at too low of a volume for the other to even understand what we just said, degrading the moment to something awkward.  We're afraid that this three-word phrase will change everything in the relationship that we've grown accustomed to.  In the end, saying "I love you" takes bravery and understanding.  However, one big question remains - when do you say those special words?

Everyone is entitled to their own opinion about this particular subject, but I must point out that saying "I love you" about two weeks into a relationship is a little early.  Saying "I love you" that early almost reminds me of my early high school years, when I would sit on the phone for about five or six hours with a guy I was interested in.  At the end of the conversation, I would decide that we are completely compatible, inseparable, and we must date and get married very soon, because, well, that's just the way things had to be.  So at the end of this five or six hour-long conversation, I would say, in all my dramatic, soap-opera like manner, "I love you."  That's just too damn early.

I believe that you should say "I love you" when you truly mean it from the absolute bottom of your heart.  When you say "I love you," you should feel it.  Your stomach should turn, your heart should start pounding against your sternum, and you should feel a tiny bit dizzy.  After all, love is almost like a drug, which can have these effects on someone.  When you're contemplating at what moment to tell someone that you love them, I think it's best to make sure you actually do love them first.  Just ask yourself, "Why do I love this person?"  If you can sit down and write a page-long list of why you love this person, then you are good to go.  If you cannot seem to write down reasons why you love this person, then it is probably not the ideal time to express your love to him or her.

Developing love for another person takes time and effort.  Love is not a quick dive in a pool; it is rather a long trek down a meandering river.  You shouldn't say "I love you" jumping off of the diving board, but rather after you have spent your time and effort navigating down the long and winding river in which you've hit a few rapids.

A lot of people have the tendency to act fast because they're afraid that they will lose something that has been going well for them.  They claim that they have "bad luck," and something as good as this isn't bound to last very long.  However, if these people live with this type of mentality, it is clear to see why they have "bad luck."  If you don't believe in yourself or the wonderful relationship that is succeeding, then there will most likely be trouble.  If you change your mentality to a more optimistic one, seeing the bright side of a relationship and believing that everything will work out just fine, you'll have an easier road to follow.  You can allow yourself to  be patient and wait for that right moment to say, "I love you" with no difficulty whatsoever.

Take your time to say "I love you."  Although you may feel these powerful feelings early in a relationship, don't let those feelings take over your true personality and mentality.  You must really take the time to evaluate yourself and why you love this person that you are in a relationship with (or not - if you are in a different type of situation).  Also, it is extremely important to love yourself before you ever bestow your full-blown love upon someone else.  Choose wisely and carefully.  Patience and understanding is the key.