As I sit and drink my dark roast coffee at Starbucks, I wonder, "How possible is it to live life as a single person?" I read the book Eat. Pray. Love. once and was taken on this journey with this woman that suffers from a terrible divorce and decides to travel and just live life as a single person. She is challenged through yoga, meditation and practically no physical contact with the opposite sex for quite some time. However, at the end of the book, she seems to "give in" to this really great guy that sweeps her off her feet.
This makes me think about several other questions, "How long should one wait after a relationship to begin dating again?" "Is it really possible to not have any emotional involvement with anyone, even if you tell yourself that you are not going to get emotionally involved with anyone?" "How single is single?" and "How seriously should you take dating? Hell, how do you even do casual dating?" Due to the fact that I am currently single, I ask myself these types of questions every day. I don't necessarily stress out about it, but it presents me with a learning experience that I haven't quite had before.
You see, I've been in a relationship/semi-seriously dated someone since I was 17 years old. The fact that I am not tied down to anyone is, yes, revitalizing and exciting, but at the same time, is...different. I am so used to being comfortable with one person. I am used to hanging out with only one person, telling all of my deep, dark secrets to one person, and practically deeming this one person as my absolute "bestest" friend. The fact that I technically no longer have a "bestest" friend is very interesting, to say the least. However, I must say that the relationships that I have with my friend friends (people I just hang out with on a normal basis), has developed stronger than ever before. I confide in these lovely people and tell them everything about my life, exchanging advice, laughter and stories over delicious dinners and wonderful wine. Perhaps this is one of the absolute best things about being single. I can have better relationships with the people that I care deeply about - the people that I know for a fact that will never leave my side.
So, how long should you wait after ending a relationship before "seeing" other people? Well, I told myself that this is the year of ME and that I would only focus on ME. I even told myself that I would not get emotionally involved with another guy at all this year. Oh, but it is so hard! I think I have come to the conclusion that all humans are naturally social creatures, so to live life without any sort of emotional involvement, especially for a whole frickin' entire year, is completely unfeasible. Just not possible. There is always going to be someone that you are somewhat interested in, want to go on a date with, want to kiss... every single one of those actions have some sort of emotional aspect. Even if you are traveling to an entirely different country, much like the character in Eat. Pray. Love., you're going to meet an interesting person that you will have some interest for (I also know this from experience). I know you want to hear that it is possible, but from my experience so far, I can't tell you that. Perhaps if you're shipped away to a deserted island, then I guess you would be forced to live that way, but then you would eventually suffer from insanity...
I suppose what I am also trying to say is that you really should not be afraid to move on quickly. It honestly seems normal to me. There will always be a part of you that still loves the person that you were in a relationship with, but that shouldn't hinder you from moving on. You don't have to jump right into a serious relationship, but you can casually date. And that brings us to another topic: how do you casually date? Begin with just going on dates. You can have dinner, go to a movie, go bowling... whatever your little heart desires. Have casual conversations, get to know some new people, and remember that you shouldn't take it too seriously. You're just having fun. There may be a person that you could actually see yourself in a relationship with, but don't jump right in. Give it some time. I truly believe that casual dating is a learning experience. I feel that the more people you date, the more you learn about yourself and what you like or dislike in a person. Think of casual dating as a positive thing. There should be no strings attached and you shouldn't take it too seriously. This should be fun.
Although you will embark on your adventure of casual dating, there is a slight downfall to this whole "no strings attached" deal, and this depends on how jealous of a person you are. If you are an extremely jealous person and want one particular person all to yourself, casual dating could be very hard for you. Casual dating usually means that you can go on dates with more than one person. You just have to keep in mind that you are in the same boat as this person and that the fact that both of you are casually dating should not spark any form of jealousy. You have to respect the fact that the other person is not ready for a serious relationship.
If you ever find yourself "falling" for a person during casual dating right after a relationship, try to stop yourself. You have to constantly remind yourself that at the moment, you are focused on you. You also have to keep telling yourself that you are not ready to be "tied down" again. Remind yourself of all the wonderful things that you can do without being in a relationship. You can travel, you can move, you can "see" whoever you want to, and you are the only one that makes your rules. Being single is quite a wonderful thing if you keep reminding yourself of those things.
Another issue that I should discuss in regards to being single is how you communicate with your ex. If you are still communicating with your ex or have any form of contact with him/her, being single and casually dating will be practically impossible for you. However, each case is different. This all depends on how serious of a relationship you had with your ex. If you dated your ex for, let's say a month, and the relationship was not that serious, then you can probably both keep in contact with each other with no feelings attached. Being single and casually dating would be much easier in this case.
However, if you dated your ex for a significant amount of time, perhaps for a year, then there was obviously a lot more emotional involvement there. If you dated someone for that long, you have to cut off all contact with him/her before being truly single and casually dating. If you are still communicating with your ex that you truly loved, there are clearly still feelings there, which means you absolutely cannot move on unless you just cut all forms of communication with him/her. Block him/her from Facebook, Twitter, Foursquare... EVERYTHING. If you block this person from all of these forms of communication, there is no possible way that he/she will be able to know what you are doing, thus eliminating any hostile jealousy. As difficult as this process is, it is absolutely necessary for you to move on.
Being single and casually dating is a lot of fun. I truly believe that if you pursue this lifestyle carefully with the mentality that you are participating in a learning experience, it can be extremely beneficial for your mental health (and probably for your physical health too). You really have to constantly remind yourself that you are doing this for you and no one else.
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