Love... we all know what this word is. I'm not sure how many of you have actually experienced a deep, heart-felt love for someone, or even something for that matter, but I'm writing this to tell you that I have experienced this powerful, yet sometimes indescribable emotion. My life has fallen victim to this very word, but my life has also developed greatly from experiencing it.
When I was 8 years old, my absolute favorite grandmother, Marlene Lanclos, who was my mom's mother, passed away from cancer. She had such a large influence on my life, and to this day, I truly believe that she has made me the young woman that I am today. I spent so much time with her and have created so many memories with her during my childhood. I remember her telling me when I was much younger, "If someone tries to touch you on your private parts and you don't like it, tell them no!" Looking back on that statement, I realize that she really cared about me. She was also very intelligent and aware; she knew about the sad issues of child molestation and wanted to protect me from that. There was a man near where I lived that was very friendly and always brought cantelopes home with him. He would always talk to me and offer me cantelope to eat. My grandmother became very suspicious of his behavior after some time, and reminded me of what she told me. The man never tried to do anything, but I did make the choice to avoid him at all costs, taking into consideration what my grandmother told me.
My grandmother always read to me this book that I absolutely loved. The plot had something to do with an alligator and giraffe and two kids, one boy and one girl, going on some type of adventure. I just tried to Google the name of the book, but I was not successful. Oh, but it was my absolute favorite book. And my grandmother just read it over, and over, and over, and over again for me. I will never forget that.
She also loved those flowers called pansies. I remember her taking care of her yard often, and I would always find those silly-looking flowers (I thought) decorating the outside of her house. Even though I thought they were silly, they seem to fit her perfectly. Every time I see them now I am tempted to buy some and plant some in a yard or garden, even though I don't have one of my own.
And then I remember her downfall. I remember her sitting in her bathroom and giving herself shots of penicillin in her leg. I never understood what she was doing. I thought it was something quite normal. I remember visiting her in the hospital in New Orleans. I would look outside of her hospital room window and see the Mississippi River meandering its way along, no care in the world. Not even an ounce of care that my grandmother had cancer.
I remember laying next to her in bed and watching her read from her Bible and I remember her praying every night. Now that I look back, I think I remember the look on her face. That hopeful look, but then that underlying look of worry and concern. Of doubt and fear.
And then she was taken away. On a Sunday, I remember. She was taken away from me, from my family... I remember wearing the dress that she made me to the funeral, the navy blue dress with red and white trim and white stars. And then I remember the way I cried. I could not stop crying during the funeral. I could not breathe, and I could not sit still in my mother's lap. I remember my great-grandmother, Agnes, saying her words of sympathy for me... "Oh, that poor, poor child..." I could not stop thinking all these great memories I had of her. I just could not accept the fact that my favorite grandmother was gone, taken away by this hellish disease of which I could not even grasp its context...
This love I had for my grandmother, this deep, unconditional, family love took its toll at the time of her death. It hurt me, made my tears form a moat around me and my pretty blue dress dotted with white. This love I had for Marlene not only broke my heart, but hurt my body. She was my childhood, one of the people I looked up to the most. I will never forget her and I am proud to share these memories with you... but I warn you, although love at first may be joyous and heavenly, it can take a turn and send you twirling down to that wet, slimy, and muddy soil.
On the contrary, love does send its angels from above. You see, I have this deep and undying love for my boyfriend of a little over 2 years and 10 months, Caio Lima. The type of love I have for Caio is comforting and refreshing. He's the type of person that makes me feel like I can really be myself with no doubts or concerns. No matter what I decide, he is there to support me 100%, and that is something that is very special for me, especially since I am having a tough time trying to decide what exactly it is I want to do with my life. Caio is the type of man that makes me smile, even when I merely glance at him. He has such a positive energy... always keeps me on my toes.
And he's mature, intelligent, caring and understanding. He's adventurous and not afraid to speak his mind. He has taught me so many things about my life. I used to be an extremely stressed out person; I was always very uptight about things that I shouldn't even have worried a bit about. Caio has come into my life like some type of stress ball. No, I can't just squeeze him and things will get better (okay, well, maybe sometimes). But the fact is that since I have been with him, my worries about ALWAYS being on time, taking tests, and writing tons of papers have completely gone out the window. It's so wonderful to be calm and relaxed about things like that.
He has taught me so much about life, and he has been there with me through a big chunk of my college career. Therefore, he has a very big place in my heart. He's just always there, holding my hand, guiding me through this path of life. This is not the definition of love, but it's damn close to it, for me at least. I'm truly in love with this man.
So, you see, love can put you on top of the world, or it can bring you down to Earth's other axis. Love is a major player in this game of life, and it's something that cannot be avoided. Whether you have experienced love with a family member, a significant other, or just a friend, remember that this feeling will always have this underlying, magical effect that we may never be able to fully and properly define. Love does wonders, and it always will...
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