Facebook has emerged into an unavoidable phenomenon within a matter of only six years. Imagine taking control of the world at six years old. It's something remarkable, yet also scary. Tell me this: how can something as young as Facebook completely obliterate love, one of the most timeless and complex aspects of not only our lives, but of the time that this earth has been in existence? How much should we rely on technology before it plows over non-technological traditions that have made us who we as a human race are today? Is the use of technology and social networking an inevitable part of our evolution into "higher" beings? Is this the way things are meant to be? I can't tell you how long I have waited to write this particular blog. I have always been frustrated with this issue and would like to try to tackle it.
Social networking is convenient and fast. You can keep in contact with your friends no matter your location. You could be laying in bed, grocery shopping, traveling to a different country, or for those that are more "experienced" social networkers, driving. (But please don't do that while driving. I think your life is a little more important than keeping in touch with friends for a few minutes out of an entire day.) If you want "news" about your friends, you can get that "news" within a matter of a few seconds. I love to be involved in the social networking craze, but when such personal information is so easily accessible at such a rapid pace, problems tend to arise.
The number one problem that exists when Facebook is combined with interest or love is jealousy. With so much information available about a single person on something as simple as a profile page, the concept of jealousy does not fail to destroy your mind. If you like a particular person or are dating someone, you will have more of a tendency to "stalk" their profile page. What does stalking involve? I'm sure most of you know this, but just to be clear, "stalking" involves looking at someone's profile with the thoughts of, "I wonder what they are up to, if they're talking to anyone else, etc." in mind. When you stalk an interests' page, you are setting yourself up for self-esteem degradation. We all play the comparison game, and it goes a little something like this:
Step #1 - You have an interest in someone.
Step #2 - You become friends with them on Facebook.
Step #3 - You check out their profile to find out a little more about who they are.
Step #4 - And then you see that a pretty girl/attractive guy (depending on your case) posted something on their wall or commented on one of their photos.
Step #5 - You click on that person's name to check out what you can of their profile and pictures.
Step #6 - You click...and click...and click
Step #7 - You immediately begin comparing yourself to this person and wonder why you don't have some of the things that they do.
Step #8 - You get jealous because obviously the person that you are stalking is somewhat interesting to the person that you have an interest in. You feel like you must compete with him or her.
Step #9 - You become a little depressed and want to change the person you are so that the person that you are interested in will possibly like you more.
As much as we don't want to admit it, we all Facebook stalk. Do you remember life before Facebook? The relationships that we built with people proved to be more genuine. More time was spent face to face rather than computer to computer. What used to be one on one has now become one on thousands, and problems such as playing comparison games and jealousy are literally inevitable. I admire those that choose to delete their Facebook accounts. I can only imagine how refreshing it must feel...
Because of Facebook, love has become more public than private. Each circle of friends that we have on Facebook is like a Hollywood clique. Everyone knows your news (if you choose to display it), and gossip will spread quicker than ever before. You are your own paparazzi and your friends are the writers for Star and National Enquirer. Putting a title on your relationship has never been as much of an obligation as it is now. If you are dating someone, you are automatically expected to be "Facebook official." If someone and their significant other are not fully "Facebook official," he or she may stress out a little about it. Trust me, I've done it before. I don't want to sound like I'm crazy, but there is some sort of mental takeover that being "Facebook official" performs. Love is no longer at your own disposal, but rather at the disposal of others. In a way, you are forced to take into consideration what others think about you. It is almost impossible to be freed by the seemingly invisible constraints of your Facebook friends. Granted, there are people that do not use Facebook as much and do not feel in any way constrained by its magical powers, but the majority of people log in about five times a day.
It also seems that many people, especially in younger generations, no longer make an effort to bask in the glory of face time (and I don't mean iPhone face time). So, what does this mean for love? Is Daft Punk's song title Digital Love emulating what love will ultimately become? As weird as that may sound, it could happen. The intimacy of love could vanish and some concept of digital love could take its place. This is a very futuristic idea, but is this possible? Humans are social animals, whether it is technologically or not. However, I believe we all long for actual human presence at many points in our lives. If we don't have that physical presence when we desire it, we get frustrated. If we don't have that companionship for a really long time, then we go crazy. If you look at these statements, you can see that social networking sites isolate us from the physical world and provide us the fuel for our own insanity.
Furthermore, getting over a relationship is more difficult than ever before. After a couple has spent so much time invested in being in love, that love does not automatically go away after a break-up. Questions still linger and the only way to find answers to those questions without having to go through the pain of talking to an ex is to pull up their Facebook profile and stalk away. You begin looking at photos over and over again and click on every single person you find the least bit intimidating. The pain of memories that resurface is infinite when Facebook is involved. This is why I am going to make this suggestion - if you have recently gone through a break-up, or still wonder about an ex from long ago, block their Facebook profile. You will feel a million times better, trust me. I felt like I had to do it with my ex of three years because I could not stand the pain of seeing how his life was progressing. I felt myself still wanting to be a part of it. Once I blocked him, things became so much easier and less stressful for me. I have now completely moved on. I feel healthier.
Another reason that social networking sites are so poisonous is that they provide an outlet for secretiveness and hidden promiscuity, thus possibly ruining commitments that people have made with each other. Unless someone has a controlling significant other that demands a username and password (which sounds crazy since it is obvious that trust would not exist in that relationship), anyone can use Facebook to be sneaky. Social networking has caused an uprise in distrust. It really is a shame, but I am certain that this is an issue that couples deal with daily.
Although recent, these social networking developments have caused self-esteem degradation, worry of what others think, vanishing intimacy, secretiveness and distrust. Facebook may be a wonderful invention when it comes to keeping in touch with strictly friends and family, but throwing interests, significant others and exes into the mix proves deleterious. Relationships, love and Facebook have proven to be the equivalent of oil and water.
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