As I close my bedroom door, shut my blinds, and lay down in my bed to write, I come to realize that time is such a powerful entity in our lives. And it's not just time I talk about - I'm talking about timing as well. Then I begin to think, "How many times in my life has time been intertwined with love?" To tell you the truth, time has almost everything to do with my experiences with love. I think this: "Well, if it wouldn't have been for this that happened, or if I didn't go here to this place at this time, none of this would have happened." It happens to all of us, really. And it doesn't happen solely with love - it happens with everyday occurrences. I would like to emphasize on the subject of time and love though, because, well, my blog is about love.
When it comes to love, there is good timing. If I could give good timing a name, I feel the best fit would be Coincidence or perhaps Synchronicity. The right people come into our lives at the right time, then there are opportunities to build relationships with these people. If that goes well and if both parties are interested in moving forward, a dating relationship could develop, thus resulting in two people falling in love. Time works in favor of both parties and eventually, time is forgotten. When love is present, time is forgotten. If you are in love with someone, you are entirely immersed in his or her goodness and cannot fully focus on the hands of a clock that seemingly determine your fate. With love, fate is nonexistent. Love is very much alive and seems to know no fate, even in the presence of death.
When there is bad timing, I feel that there is "what if" love. Perhaps you befriend someone that you feel a keen interest toward, but the possibility to move forward to true love fails because their interests are not quite the same, or they're only in your area of the world for a short period of time and have no chance of staying where you are for longer. There is also the chance that you could have encountered someone that you had no idea could be your "perfect match." Maybe you met someone briefly at a social function, but completely forgot to get their name so that you could keep in touch with them via Facebook. If any of these situations happen, a lot of people would tend to say, "Oh, well it's not meant to be." We seem to base a lot of occurrences on fate and coincidence. If something does not go the way that we secretly desire, we usually put full blame on not a person, not even God, but rather an idea, something intangible.
Yeah, but...what if? What does this mean? Does blaming bad timing on fate make us feel better about ourselves? Does this prove that we are lazy, and will not make an effort to reverse "fate" or rather, bad timing? What if all of these occurrences were in accordance with love? When we realize this, would we still be "lazy?" How far would we go to change "fate" if it was for love? How interested do we have to be in another person to pursue them for love, even from across an ocean? Should we even attempt to "change" "fate," since time is something uncontrollable (and yes, I know you can control time management, but that is a completely different concept than this)? I can't answer any of these questions, and it frustrates me a little. Here I am, writing about time and love, but I honestly have NO idea to what degree any of this applies. Each one of us is completely different - we all have different experiences and come from different backgrounds. However, I feel there must be answers to these questions because love is something we ALL experience and ALL know about to some degree. Do you think that if every single person in the world were to come together, love would have a concrete definition? I've always wondered that.
Nonetheless, time and timing in itself is a work of art when it comes to love. When you are trying to ask someone out, it seems that timing is everything. "Oh, you shouldn't call him. No, not yet, because then he'll think you're too clingy." When you suffer from a break-up, you will hear this one piece of advice over and over and over again. Whether it is your grandmother or a random person you find on the street, they will tell you this - "Just give it time." Or perhaps someone will ask you, "How long have you two been together?" Time. Time is practically everything. God may rule all, and money may be on everyone's mind all the time, and love may always be there tugging at your heart, but the truth is that TIME and TIMING are the determining factors of how our lives play out on this planet.
The scariest part? We can't really control it.
I think love makes its own endings, aside from fate. When you get those times where deciding whether to "try" something with someone that you may have doubts of success with because of outside circumstances, love will ultimately decide for you. If you love the person, or simply really like the person, even if the circumstances suggest that something will not work, that love or liking will decide for you. Why not take the risks, why not try? There is nothing but an ounce of time. You never know how something might play out. Timing is also an important factor. There are some instances where someone may wait to long to "act or ask." There are instances where someone may not wait long enough. Both, I think, are very hard to stay away from. Most of the time, one person of the two people will act too soon or too early. This may be cause by a number of reasons. For one, the person may just be inexperienced, or two, the person may be too ambitious. It is hard to initiate things sometimes. Thoughts run wild through the mind, pacing to the decision whether or not to act now or later. We all make mistakes, and if both people are completely themselves, truthful with their feelings, and ever-so honest with each other, understanding of each other comes out positive, than one simply banishing all thoughts of a success. The most important part of time is all about being yourself. Have fun with that significant other. Enjoy their company. That is what you can do, instead of waiting for something to happen. Whatever is to happen will happen on its own. Yes, disappointment really hurts sometimes, and hopefully it does not happen to much, but it is all about learning. When two people feel something between each other, it's too valuable to waste and let go. You can mak any relationship work. You can make the relationship consist of whatever you want. You cannot control time, but you can control how you act about a possible relationship. Instead of picturing how the relationship may turn out, picture the relationship how you want it to be, because anything is possible.
ReplyDeleteThis is thought provoking. I have some disagreements with your interpretations of time/timing. You describe it almost as if fate dictates our relationships and that timing is an agent of this process. I reject the idea of any sort of fate and I have a different view on timing.
ReplyDeleteI agree that timing is an important factor in relationships, but only so much as one allows it to be. I've often chastised time itself for relationships that did not go the way I wanted; however, in the end, I realized that it was not "bad timing" that caused certain things to happen. Time is simply something that people can attribute a problem to.
I'll give an example to illustrate my point. I started dating a girl a few months after an ex-girlfriend had dumped me. I was still an emotional wreck and I was feeling lonely and putting myself back on the market seemed like the best idea. The new girl I was seeing was smart, beautiful, ambitious, and interesting--exactly the type of person I look for. Long story short, I ended up breaking it off after I realized I wasn't quite over my ex and I was incapable of being vulnerable to someone again just yet. Now that I am ready for a new relationship, I live in a different city and that girl has a boyfriend.
That's the classic "bad timing" story, but was it really bad timing if I wasn't ready? The experience changed me nonetheless. I have no doubt that we could have a wonderful relationship if I met her today but I don't feel like I lost out or "it wasn't meant to be." I was a different person then, so I learned and grew because of it. Time had no agency in it. Fact is, I have no idea how that relationship would have turned out. If it wasn't for her, maybe I'm still lonely and unready for new relationships.
I detest the idea of fate or that something is or is not "meant to be." There isn't one person out there waiting for you that is your soul mate. Time doesn't decide things, people do. What we think is bad timing is actually just another happenstance in our daily lives that we need to learn to deal with (and overcome if we so choose). Love isn't completely subconscious, it's also a choice.
Hi Anonymous,
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry for the VERY late reply! However, I thoroughly enjoyed reading your thoughts and am very grateful that you have taken the time to read my blog. :)
I do understand your point that people dictate their own relationships and what successes or failures they have within them. This is certainly true, but I believe in some cases (not all), people attribute these successes and failures to time and/or fate. I suppose that time and fate could also somehow be linked to God, a higher power, who allegedly controls time and fate. Many people that believe in God truly believe in the notions that, "This was meant to be," or "This is/is not my time."
Furthermore, some people, young and old, may truly feel that they are in some sort of "race" against time, and either rush relationships or run to try to find "the one." In these cases, I can certainly see how people would base their successes and/or failures in relationships on time and fate. Since they feel that time is "limited," they perhaps think that there is no other explanation for their uprisings and/or downfalls than time and fate.
There are still a lot of unanswered questions and varying theories pertaining to this particular subject. No pun intended, but perhaps only time can tell when we will have our curiosities definitively answered.
Thanks for reading (again)!
Marla Osti
hey I enjoyed reading your blog and i have something i would like to share with you.There is this guy in school who wanted me to be his galfrend during our first semester in campus but i kept pushing him away cause i was too naive to be in a relationship.I just wasnt ready.So he gave up and found another galfrend.It took me time to realise how much he meant to me and that i actually love but he is now with another.What can you call this or rather how can you explain it?
ReplyDelete