I hear nothing but these lyrics playing in my head right now: "What is love? Baby don't hurt me, don't hurt me, no more..." Well, what is love? How do you know that you are truly in love? Sorry to disappoint you, but I am not the love god. I can guarantee you that I don't have a clear answer to those questions, but from what I've learned through my experiences with relationships and friendships, I can take a stab at it.
Remember what I wrote about those first few months of a relationship? Well, that's not love. You think you're in love, but in all reality, you're not truly in love. I like to think of love as being absolutely and completely honest with someone. I also like to think of it as being real - just being who you are and not feeling obligated to change anything about yourself in order to satisfy someone else. Love isn't what you'd like to think it is. Love is not you and your lover riding on a unicorn in a magical land full of rainbows and butterflies and lots of loud, actually kind of obnoxious, school girl laughter. Love is what stands still while all of the yelling, crying and confusion seems to whirl around you like a tornado. Through all of your interactions, whether they are negative or positive, at the end of the day, you have a genuine interest to care for this person and to take them under your arms no matter the situation. You can look straight into this person's eyes and begin to feel a little emotional and deep, because that person's eyes are the portals to the supposed everlasting truth.
Some people have told me that you know it's love because you get that feeling in the pit of your stomach every time you see that special person or you're just physically around him or her. Honestly, I think that funny feeling in your stomach when you're around someone isn't necessarily a sign of love. I remember being 13, 14 years old in high school and getting that feeling in my stomach when I saw my crush walking down the hall at school. I'm not suggesting that this feeling is by any means immature, but I feel that it's more of the beginning stages of building a relationship and working your way up toward true love. It's a phase. Let's put it that way.
When I was in my longest-running relationship of three years, that feeling in my stomach eventually went away. It's not because I no longer cared for that person or got bored. It's because we both knew each other so well that we had passed that initial stage of "crushness" and started to get real. Hate to break it to you - for all you teenage prince and princess-seekers out there - but that funny yet refreshing feeling you get in your stomach when you like someone... Yeah, that doesn't last forever.
True love has no shame. There is no guilt. There are no obligations. True love is the unity of two people that are so compatible with each other and so eager to venture forward into the roaring sea of emotions and unexpected happenings. The feeling of true love is not solely physical, but rather deep in your soul. You dream about this person and you really believe that you could not survive if you did not have this wonderful human being by your side. You write about him or her, hoping to display to the whole world that this particular person has the best personality and the best everything that one could think of.
True love is real, not fake. If you really believe that you are truly in love, you are willing to sacrifice anything to see a smile on this person's face. You know that you two will have arguments and fight, sometimes about the silliest things, but you also know that the great times you have had together clearly outweigh any negativity in the relationship. You know each other so well that you could practically finish each other's sentences, almost as precise as identical twin siblings.
You know that you are truly in love when it just feels right. All the stars align, the heavens open up, and then a big, bright light shines down upon you and him or her. You could care less about the War on Iraq, Lady Gaga's next hit single, the neighbor that stole gardening tools from across the way, sitting in traffic after work, or even buying a nice outfit for the party next weekend. You are completely oblivious to all that goes on in this world and you focus all your energy on this...one...person. That, my friends, is how you know you are truly in love.
Remember what I wrote about those first few months of a relationship? Well, that's not love. You think you're in love, but in all reality, you're not truly in love. I like to think of love as being absolutely and completely honest with someone. I also like to think of it as being real - just being who you are and not feeling obligated to change anything about yourself in order to satisfy someone else. Love isn't what you'd like to think it is. Love is not you and your lover riding on a unicorn in a magical land full of rainbows and butterflies and lots of loud, actually kind of obnoxious, school girl laughter. Love is what stands still while all of the yelling, crying and confusion seems to whirl around you like a tornado. Through all of your interactions, whether they are negative or positive, at the end of the day, you have a genuine interest to care for this person and to take them under your arms no matter the situation. You can look straight into this person's eyes and begin to feel a little emotional and deep, because that person's eyes are the portals to the supposed everlasting truth.
Some people have told me that you know it's love because you get that feeling in the pit of your stomach every time you see that special person or you're just physically around him or her. Honestly, I think that funny feeling in your stomach when you're around someone isn't necessarily a sign of love. I remember being 13, 14 years old in high school and getting that feeling in my stomach when I saw my crush walking down the hall at school. I'm not suggesting that this feeling is by any means immature, but I feel that it's more of the beginning stages of building a relationship and working your way up toward true love. It's a phase. Let's put it that way.
When I was in my longest-running relationship of three years, that feeling in my stomach eventually went away. It's not because I no longer cared for that person or got bored. It's because we both knew each other so well that we had passed that initial stage of "crushness" and started to get real. Hate to break it to you - for all you teenage prince and princess-seekers out there - but that funny yet refreshing feeling you get in your stomach when you like someone... Yeah, that doesn't last forever.
True love has no shame. There is no guilt. There are no obligations. True love is the unity of two people that are so compatible with each other and so eager to venture forward into the roaring sea of emotions and unexpected happenings. The feeling of true love is not solely physical, but rather deep in your soul. You dream about this person and you really believe that you could not survive if you did not have this wonderful human being by your side. You write about him or her, hoping to display to the whole world that this particular person has the best personality and the best everything that one could think of.
True love is real, not fake. If you really believe that you are truly in love, you are willing to sacrifice anything to see a smile on this person's face. You know that you two will have arguments and fight, sometimes about the silliest things, but you also know that the great times you have had together clearly outweigh any negativity in the relationship. You know each other so well that you could practically finish each other's sentences, almost as precise as identical twin siblings.
You know that you are truly in love when it just feels right. All the stars align, the heavens open up, and then a big, bright light shines down upon you and him or her. You could care less about the War on Iraq, Lady Gaga's next hit single, the neighbor that stole gardening tools from across the way, sitting in traffic after work, or even buying a nice outfit for the party next weekend. You are completely oblivious to all that goes on in this world and you focus all your energy on this...one...person. That, my friends, is how you know you are truly in love.
Wow, Marla! Awesome job!
ReplyDeleteIt has taken 20 years for me to realize the man sitting across the table on Tuesday night, my ex boyfriend/lover was the perfect guy; who could have been my husband. We are both married to different people and with kids. I know we both are feeling regretful. It hurts very much. I was in my twenties and he was in his thirties, but I was not ready to settle down at that time. But now I know we were meant for each other, destiny also brought us together even when we were apart. It leaves a question of what should be done or should we even go there?
ReplyDeleteThis is an extremely late reply, and I apologize for that! I haven't been on this website in a long time. This is a very tough situation and a very tough question. Thank you for asking. What would I do if I were in your shoes?
DeletePart of me wants to tell you that the reason why you are both with your current spouses is a part of God's plan. I am a believer and truly feel that God has a plan for each of us. He puts people in our lives for a reason. Perhaps he put your respective spouses in your lives for a reason. Perhaps your children are there for a reason too. If there is a plan embedded within them, it's hard for me to tell you to follow your heart and leave. How do you leave your family for something that you think could have been even more perfect and fulfilling? What if it ends up not working out? That would be painful for your husband and children. Put yourself in their shoes and see how they would feel.
However, a woman's intuition is strong, her heart is fragile, and she goes for what she wants. That is where things get tough. Could you live a happier, more fulfilled life with this person? What if this is the one that "got away?" What if this is who you were meant to be with?
I wish I had the right answer. I really do. I don't know the whole story, but my advice is to pray about it and to be completely open and honest about your feelings with your spouse. Being honest hurts, but your heart and your mind will be so thankful that you chose to be honest. Your loved ones will respect you for it too.
Best of luck with this. So sorry I don't have more clear advice, but I have never experienced this! I hope I was of some help!